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My advice... not that you askedI have to ship up. I get all caught up in everything in life and I tend to get frustrated with her. I do what I can when I can, but last night I was as at my wits end with her. She does this thing where she hold her poop in for (what is going on 5 days now) long periods of time, then she screams bloody murder when we even suggest to go sit on the potty to poop. Screams at the top of her lungs and talks back to us. Didn’t poop, got what she wanted and got off to potty, then had to eat supper. She proceeded to sit at the table for hour and a half arguing that she won’t eat supper.... I got so freaking frustrated last night.... and now I feel terrible.
aruugghh
First bowels, if she has become constipated she no doubt feels very real anal pain when toileting so she tries to avoid it by holding it in, which causes her stools to get harder. Because she is 4 she can’t put together that her bowels aren’t as effective because she is not eating enough fibre. Of course the natural high fibre foods are the best choices, but sometimes like in Miss Fussypants case even a bit of coloxyl is helpful, it is a stool softener. I think the more pressure you put on her to sit, the worse it will get. We are not meant to shit on command, we are meant to receive a message from our arsehole to our brain, then feel the knock at the door, hello poops here - open up. If your stool is not in the right position to evacuate all you’re going to cause is haemorrhoids. Don’t feel for a second I am judging, I am feeling your pain coming from a mother whose son was a constipated picky eater.
Okay dinner. Why as parents do we make what should be enjoyable family time together a battle? I had the absolute extreme of this growing up. I can clearly remember not wanting to eat my spinach and my mother drawing a battle line and yelling and forcing me. I thought I could wait her out, hours passed and my spinach cold by this point. I didn’t realise her stamina. Even when I vomited the half I’d eaten on the table, there was the threat I’d have to eat that now too - thankfully it was an empty threat, but my point is why do we force food on our children, the answer is usually because it’s the way we were taught. While we remember the technique we forget the way it made us feel as the powerless 4 year old being forced to eat food they don’t want. This hit me on a night my son was sobbing while enduring our dinner war time. I realised I wouldn’t force you to eat, why would I force the person I love most? So from then on he would sit at the table eat what he wanted, and leave when I finished my meal.
No human ever learned self love, strength, confidence and respect from being forced to eat a meal they don’t like and no child ever starved in a home with healthy food choices or unhealthy food choices for that matter.
So food choices. By four your daughter has realised what she likes (usually sweet) and what she doesn’t (usually savoury). I remember reading this is a trait thrown back from caveman times when children roamed bare foot in the forests, poisonous food options tended to be very bitter, so if it was sweet it was safe to eat and that’s why kids prefer sweet - not sure if it’s true but it sounded right. Pear juice is great for the bowels, as is fruit with skins and wholemeal pastas etc. There are also many things you can hide veges in. Another tip is having her help prepare the meals, children tend to be more adventurous when eating if they have helped cook it, homemade muesli bars with hidden bran inside, and muffins with hidden bran and so on. My son really responded to being my helper and as a grown man he’s a terrific cook and the only food he doesn’t eat is cauliflower.
So there you have it, grandmotherly advice. And the thing about grandmotherly advice is you can take it or leave it. Just know I give it to you from a good place in my heart.
The fact you felt terrible after being frustrated with her tells me you are an awesome father and I love that.
