thanks ive sold a few products already mainly crab meal 
The Joy Of Growing - SweetSue Goes Perpetual
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- #302
It looks like vascular is going with trying to get this ankle to heal. More tests in the morning. This is like a death sentence for him. Locked into nursing care with no way out. So frustrating. I'm staying with him tonight. He's a bit scared.
I think I'll go get lost in music. Not like I'll get any sleep.
I think I'll go get lost in music. Not like I'll get any sleep.
I wish you guys the best SweetSue. I know this is a useless and counterproductive thought under the circumstances, but following this state of affairs, something just seems so wrong when the 'state of the art' modern medical system can miss an infection in someone who is in daily care. Must be incredibly frustrating. Sorry...
thanks ive sold a few products already mainly crab meal
That's probably because making your own crab meal is, to the average suburban gardener, a bit nutty!
Good luck with your sales and gardening endeavours 
Sorenna
Well-Known Member
Im so very sorry that you and Dale are having to go through this. I hope they can get it to heal. Is there not some sort of home health option for bringing him home and still getting professional care?
SweetSue? Please, take care of you, too. Its important.
You have my sympathy.
I can't imagine a life where the health care risks of my lover are normal. I know they are normal for the nursing staff and many care givers. I just can't imagine it on a daily basis. Humans are not biologically prepared for months and years of part time grieving. Savour the joy that happens.
I can't imagine a life where the health care risks of my lover are normal. I know they are normal for the nursing staff and many care givers. I just can't imagine it on a daily basis. Humans are not biologically prepared for months and years of part time grieving. Savour the joy that happens.
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- #307
This constant grieving process life keeps shoving me into is where the wellspring of joy bubbles up from. Weird, I know, but the universe runs on balance and exchange. I agree with you though, the human body only survives this type of onslaught with some very specialized responses.
1. You need the love and support of friends and family. (This community has been a big part of this
)2. You need the capacity to laugh. Our family has always been adept at laughter. Even through the worst of times, peals of laughter are a family mainstay.
3. Follow some type of fitness program on a consistent basis. I do Callanetics. In years of searching I have not found another fitness approach as effective for strength, flexibility, balance, alignment or muscle toning, but what it does to stabilize the mind is almost unbelievable. I've been at it long enough that I can stay level with one session a week if need be. Not many other programs can say that.
4. Having at least one person you can dump on is an absolute necessity. Someone you can scream in anger and terror. Someone who will let you do that without judgement or trying to make it right. Because what you need most is to get it out and have someone who cares about you to say these simple words;
"You'll make it. You know how to do this."
I am blessed with a couple loving souls who have offered their services in this regard. They are my personal heroes.
One of the reasons I talk about this on the thread is because I know I'm not the only one here that deals with this, and if I can help even one unknown soul find a way to deal with it in their own life it was worth being vulnerable to the community at large and letting you see more than the sunny and perky side of Sweetsue. Yes, I'm sugary sweet most of the, time but no one can sustain that continually against this type of onslaught without madness.
I used to worry about the debilitating effects of the non-stop grieving, but I've grown more talented at the balancing act and we've grown a bit darker with our humor.
I've had a couple episodes over the years that we thought were heart attacks but turned out to be stress. After the second heart cath I decided that wasn't the most effective way to deal with it, so I made myself find ways to diffuse the stress. I hear all the time that I need time for myself, and it's true, but he and I are so closely bound that taking a whole day away is more painful than being stuck in nursing care with him, so I've never been able to stay away for longer than the hours it takes to travel to and from and the hours when I should be sleeping, but I'm really roaming the threads.
When we married and vowed "in sickness and in health" we meant it. Having sickness become a prominent part of our relationship together didn't change the commitment. I can see how this could destroy relationships, but we were smart enough to marry the right person. Dale just laughed when I read that. We feel very blessed to have each other.
I have to tell you though Rad, lately I'm beginning to consider how my life will change when Dale reaches his own journey's end. I've been in Caregiver status for almost 20 years now, the last five or so non-stop near-death experiences. . One day that will change in an instant. When it does I think I need to avoid moving directly into that capacity for someone else and take a few years to rediscover myself as just Susan. If I fall in love again at that point and find myself in the same position it wouldn't matter a bit. The loving makes it all worthwhile.
Thanks Rad. Every once in a while I have to revisit this issue myself, to find assurances that everything's still ok. Now I know it is. Hug.
Thx, Rado. Your wisdom is profound.
Re Post#292: Everybody can do it. Some even do it unconsciously!
Better would be a couple coffees, and a big fat spliff along the mighty Monongahela. There we could talk about herb, energy, the change in Nature, and the nature of Change. There, we would see before us Beauty whose identity was different from moment to moment. We could feel our place in Time.
DarkDevil's gonna be a smoke-and-a-half.
Stay cool, Sister.
Re Post#292: Everybody can do it. Some even do it unconsciously!
Better would be a couple coffees, and a big fat spliff along the mighty Monongahela. There we could talk about herb, energy, the change in Nature, and the nature of Change. There, we would see before us Beauty whose identity was different from moment to moment. We could feel our place in Time.
DarkDevil's gonna be a smoke-and-a-half.
Stay cool, Sister.
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- #309
We've just had the most frank talk with a team of doctors ever about the possibility of electing surgery over waiting for the ulcer to heal. We've a 50/50 chance with the ulcer, but Dale's history with peripheral healing on the lower extremities is abysmal, to say the least. We could watch it for six months and still lose the foot and he would be warehoused during that time. His heart has just been revascularized, so this is our window of opportunity to succeed with a double amputation. The cardiac team is doing a work up to evaluate the current status of his heart. There's also the concern that infection could compromise the defibrillator/pacemaker or the vascular bypass, both of which mean certain death. If they say it's OK from their standpoint we're looking at within days. It's a holiday weekend, of course, which complicates scheduling, but we're going to talk about the realities of our situation and make a decision.
I'm heading home in a while. I missed meeting the man who wants to spend his life with my daughter, so that needs to be corrected. My garden calls. My bed is calling me too. So tired today. I'm so relieved to have him in the care of this talented medical team. It's the only time I really relax.
Big decisions ahead. Dale's understandably intimidated. I've got this dull roar going on inside my head. We need to nudge things along, let the universe get us through the scary parts and get back to living.
I'm heading home in a while. I missed meeting the man who wants to spend his life with my daughter, so that needs to be corrected. My garden calls. My bed is calling me too. So tired today. I'm so relieved to have him in the care of this talented medical team. It's the only time I really relax.
Big decisions ahead. Dale's understandably intimidated. I've got this dull roar going on inside my head. We need to nudge things along, let the universe get us through the scary parts and get back to living.
I can't imagine facing that choice. Strength and love to you and Dale!
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- #311
I'll be staying with him nights until we get through the amputation. We were laughing with our favorite cardiac nurse practitioner about how we thought open heart in December was the hardest thing we'd face. The lack of mobility concerns him. Need to research mobility aids.
I'll be looking for that medical malpractice lawyer now. Damn! Wanted to avoid that dance. It is what it is.
Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. They are of immeasurable value at a time like this.
I'll be looking for that medical malpractice lawyer now. Damn! Wanted to avoid that dance. It is what it is.
Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. They are of immeasurable value at a time like this.
shaun6868
Well-Known Member
Wow, what a bummer..think you two have a great chance of suing them for malpractice...Chin up guys n my thoughts are with you.!
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- #313
I should have phrased it as. I don't often meet people who allow that energy transfer to occur so freely. I have never come across anyone else who could so effectively do that for me. Such a help at this time Ranger.
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- #314
Daily Update: Dark Devil Auto - Day 61
Being home in the afternoon meant extra time to just sit and observe, an indulgence I've been denied for too long. I need to rethink my schedule. I could stay with him during nights and go home in the late morning to give me better access to the garden. I need to get the fan and filter up too, but we have to get the amputation out of the way first. The garden will have to just survive for a few days on minimal shadow from its gardener.
On my way home tomorrow morning I will swing through the store and get an oscillating fan. Promise.
Everyone looks good though, so I shouldn't be so concerned. Let's check out the Dark Devil.
We're coming into the last couple weeks. No new pistils at the apex and all are changed to rust now.
I wanted to get at least one picture of the stem. As you can see, all the pistils down here are still white.
Now let's turn our attention to the seedlings. OK, I have to say it right out loud. This HB soil is kicking butt! I couldn't be more impressed, and it's caused me to completely rethink how I start seeds. Completely. Can we get a collective HB "YES!!!" ?
Hahaha! I heard that.
This Auto Destroyer always says "hello" when I open the tent. It's the cutest thing. Makes me smile.
Nothing! I'm going to mix up some seedling soil, set up a couple cups to germinate them in and then tier them into these pots. Time to learn some new techniques. Ain't life grand? I wasn't planning on learning this until next tray, but no time like the present. I'll keep these pots here and keep feeding the soil as I wait for transplanting.
The New Year's Bag seed is obviously the healthiest plant growing on this tray, don't you think? So beautifully symmetrical too. This one has me excited. It was a really good smoke, and this one is in kit soil. WooHoo!!!
Sweet node spacing too.
Great color as well. I have a decent supply of these seeds, so I'm hoping it comes out as good as I think it could be. This strain is one of the ones I need to replant.
I was looking at the garden today and thinking about what's ahead with Dale. I'd originally planned on 12 plants per tray, the way Ziggy does, but for some reason I scaled back to 8. Now I'm so thankful I did that. It means that I can go ahead and start those two seeds a full 2 weeks behind the others and there'll be extra room on the trays to shift them around later than the others. See how things just "worked out" for me there? Happens all the time. I swear, if angels do exist I have a gathering following me around shifting things to keep me moving forward. I have no complaints.
I certainly hope everyone has enjoyed their own joy-filled day. Have a great holiday weekend. It gives you so many more opportunities to exude joyfulness as you gather with friends and family to kick off the beginning of the summer season.
Be safe and have a blast. I'm going to chill with Dale for a couple days. Not sure when scheduling will be set, but we have decided to take the chance and go with the amputation. We know our time together has come down to a couple more years and we have no desire to waste that time letting him be warehoused while we hope his body does something it has never done before and heal the foot. We think it's time to take another leap in faith and go for it.
The irony that in order to gain mobility he has to sacrifice both of his legs. Geez. That's oK. I'd rather he not only live, but do so with quality of life. The past three months were a valuable lesson in how important that quality of life can be.
I had a moment yesterday when I questioned the rationality of continuing with the journal, and then I reminded myself that I'm going to grow anyway, and this journaling is a major creative and educational expression for me. I honestly believe it would be more detrimental to my mental health to walk away. You guys keep me centered on the goals. I can't afford to stop at this point, and honestly, despite the pain that keeps popping up, aren't we having the best time watching these babies grow?
Being home in the afternoon meant extra time to just sit and observe, an indulgence I've been denied for too long. I need to rethink my schedule. I could stay with him during nights and go home in the late morning to give me better access to the garden. I need to get the fan and filter up too, but we have to get the amputation out of the way first. The garden will have to just survive for a few days on minimal shadow from its gardener.
On my way home tomorrow morning I will swing through the store and get an oscillating fan. Promise.
Everyone looks good though, so I shouldn't be so concerned. Let's check out the Dark Devil.
We're coming into the last couple weeks. No new pistils at the apex and all are changed to rust now.
I wanted to get at least one picture of the stem. As you can see, all the pistils down here are still white.
Now let's turn our attention to the seedlings. OK, I have to say it right out loud. This HB soil is kicking butt! I couldn't be more impressed, and it's caused me to completely rethink how I start seeds. Completely. Can we get a collective HB "YES!!!" ?
Hahaha! I heard that.
This Auto Destroyer always says "hello" when I open the tent. It's the cutest thing. Makes me smile.
Nothing! I'm going to mix up some seedling soil, set up a couple cups to germinate them in and then tier them into these pots. Time to learn some new techniques. Ain't life grand? I wasn't planning on learning this until next tray, but no time like the present. I'll keep these pots here and keep feeding the soil as I wait for transplanting.
The New Year's Bag seed is obviously the healthiest plant growing on this tray, don't you think? So beautifully symmetrical too. This one has me excited. It was a really good smoke, and this one is in kit soil. WooHoo!!!
Sweet node spacing too.
Great color as well. I have a decent supply of these seeds, so I'm hoping it comes out as good as I think it could be. This strain is one of the ones I need to replant.
I was looking at the garden today and thinking about what's ahead with Dale. I'd originally planned on 12 plants per tray, the way Ziggy does, but for some reason I scaled back to 8. Now I'm so thankful I did that. It means that I can go ahead and start those two seeds a full 2 weeks behind the others and there'll be extra room on the trays to shift them around later than the others. See how things just "worked out" for me there? Happens all the time. I swear, if angels do exist I have a gathering following me around shifting things to keep me moving forward. I have no complaints.
I certainly hope everyone has enjoyed their own joy-filled day. Have a great holiday weekend. It gives you so many more opportunities to exude joyfulness as you gather with friends and family to kick off the beginning of the summer season.
Be safe and have a blast. I'm going to chill with Dale for a couple days. Not sure when scheduling will be set, but we have decided to take the chance and go with the amputation. We know our time together has come down to a couple more years and we have no desire to waste that time letting him be warehoused while we hope his body does something it has never done before and heal the foot. We think it's time to take another leap in faith and go for it.
The irony that in order to gain mobility he has to sacrifice both of his legs. Geez. That's oK. I'd rather he not only live, but do so with quality of life. The past three months were a valuable lesson in how important that quality of life can be.
I had a moment yesterday when I questioned the rationality of continuing with the journal, and then I reminded myself that I'm going to grow anyway, and this journaling is a major creative and educational expression for me. I honestly believe it would be more detrimental to my mental health to walk away. You guys keep me centered on the goals. I can't afford to stop at this point, and honestly, despite the pain that keeps popping up, aren't we having the best time watching these babies grow?
That was one creative update. A thought here, an observation there. You are a good canna-mom
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- #316
That was one creative update. A thought here, an observation there. You are a good canna-mom
Thanks Rad, you sweet talker you. I do my best.
Stay strong for Dale and yourself Sue.
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- #318
Thank you 36. I have the most amazing support system in place. So blessed and feeling so deeply loved.
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- #319
The Vascular Surgeon is willing to go with any decision we make, but made a passionate and compelling argument to wait another month and re-evaluate. It felt like he carved "one more month" through my heart with a rusty steak knife. He was frank about the expectation that it will require 60% more energy output to walk with two prosthetic legs as opposed to one and artfully articulated the razor's edge a surgeon walks on getting the timing of surgical intervention right. There is a very human tendency to err on the side of caution.
Enter Infectious Diseases to explain that the path to healing this ulcer is neither easy nor guaranteed and involves some serious surgical and pharmacological approaches, themselves fraught with possible complications. Any hopes for success require consistent blood flow from an area historically challenged with returning blockages. The infection is already to the bone and has degraded the bone to such a degree that it will never offer the stability long term that everyone hopes it would. Should it heal, against all odds in his opinion, there would always be an increased chance of reoccurrence
In the end he agreed with our personal assessment that the amputation was the most hopeful approach and was assured that we had indeed looked at the larger picture going into this decision. We've made our decision. We know how to make him 100% stronger and he's willing to work with me to reclaim his musculature system and get his bones realigned with daily Callanetics time. He's not ready to die. I asked him directly, because it's his decision. He's also not willing to be warehoused and refuses to return to the nursing home that put him in this position.
I can't even begin to describe the surreal experience of casually talking of having your beloved's limb sliced off. I'm still reeling from it all. To go through this without meds would be unbearable. We don't have much, but we do have enough for baked buds this evening.
Let's sidetrack here a minute and speak of these baked buds. I've mentioned them frequently, but I want to encourage you again to try this sometime. Dale and I probably had just under a gram each last night and the buzz is very strongly cerebral, almost like a speed high. It hits smoothly over half an hour and hits deep and hard. Totally different from any other method of consumption, and I'm convinced that the ingestion of the plant matter is having an additional benefit to the body systems. That buzz last night had me up and still on the iPad until 5 AM. So much better than staring into the dark.
I know BAR tried it and liked the effects. I'd like to hear some other reports. I need to get over to BAR's thread and quiz him on it.
I'm done rambling now. Thanks for listening. It's something I need to lay out there and look at in print.
Had a good laugh with the nurse about her belief that some of us are just meant to struggle. I guess it's good that we can laugh. From great sorrow rises great joy.
Enter Infectious Diseases to explain that the path to healing this ulcer is neither easy nor guaranteed and involves some serious surgical and pharmacological approaches, themselves fraught with possible complications. Any hopes for success require consistent blood flow from an area historically challenged with returning blockages. The infection is already to the bone and has degraded the bone to such a degree that it will never offer the stability long term that everyone hopes it would. Should it heal, against all odds in his opinion, there would always be an increased chance of reoccurrence
In the end he agreed with our personal assessment that the amputation was the most hopeful approach and was assured that we had indeed looked at the larger picture going into this decision. We've made our decision. We know how to make him 100% stronger and he's willing to work with me to reclaim his musculature system and get his bones realigned with daily Callanetics time. He's not ready to die. I asked him directly, because it's his decision. He's also not willing to be warehoused and refuses to return to the nursing home that put him in this position.
I can't even begin to describe the surreal experience of casually talking of having your beloved's limb sliced off. I'm still reeling from it all. To go through this without meds would be unbearable. We don't have much, but we do have enough for baked buds this evening.
Let's sidetrack here a minute and speak of these baked buds. I've mentioned them frequently, but I want to encourage you again to try this sometime. Dale and I probably had just under a gram each last night and the buzz is very strongly cerebral, almost like a speed high. It hits smoothly over half an hour and hits deep and hard. Totally different from any other method of consumption, and I'm convinced that the ingestion of the plant matter is having an additional benefit to the body systems. That buzz last night had me up and still on the iPad until 5 AM. So much better than staring into the dark.
I know BAR tried it and liked the effects. I'd like to hear some other reports. I need to get over to BAR's thread and quiz him on it.
I'm done rambling now. Thanks for listening. It's something I need to lay out there and look at in print.
Had a good laugh with the nurse about her belief that some of us are just meant to struggle. I guess it's good that we can laugh. From great sorrow rises great joy.
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- #320
Daily Update: Dark Devil Auto - Day 62
I decided it was time to start two replacement seeds They're soaking overnight in coconut water and I'll check on them when I swing by the apartment tomorrow morning.
So let's see what's kicking in the tent.
All looks good. Since I don't have anything growing in those two pots I'll turn those lights off.
The seedlings are looking nice and giving off a sweet energy. No need for anything at all today.
The Dark Devil got her 1/4 turn and nothing else. Topping off the reservoir was done yesterday, so no need for more today.
The Cheese Candy seedling.
Now for some sweet trichome shots. I never get bored with these.
One last look. Tomorrow, when the seeds get planted, the CFLs over those pots will go back on. It looks like the CFL array will have to wait a couple more days, as will the fan and filter.
Notice the oscillating fan? Finally!!
I hope your day was as pleasant as ours. We're running on low auto pilot at the moment with a nice dose of Baked Buds to make the evening more interesting. We have enough to do that one last day. Ahhh well, the old challenge of making it one harvest to the next without running out. A classic FAIL! here.
Needs escalated quickly there on me. Dale has a healthy cannabis appetite.
Get out there and sprinkle joyfulness all around your corner of the world. I'm doing my best to do that here at the hospital. He's back on his regular floor, so it almost feels like home. They go out of their way to make him comfortable, since he's one of their favorite patients. I go out of my way to compliment them at every opportunity. People respond well to that.
Another night in the recliner for me. I don't sleep more than three hours anyway these days, so it's a nice long night of running through the threads and exploring music. Sweet diversions to get through this madness. I'm still a bit in shock, but there's nothing to do now but wait it out.
WooHoo!! Got this done before the day's end. Some days it's more challenging than others.
I decided it was time to start two replacement seeds They're soaking overnight in coconut water and I'll check on them when I swing by the apartment tomorrow morning.
So let's see what's kicking in the tent.
All looks good. Since I don't have anything growing in those two pots I'll turn those lights off.
The seedlings are looking nice and giving off a sweet energy. No need for anything at all today.
The Dark Devil got her 1/4 turn and nothing else. Topping off the reservoir was done yesterday, so no need for more today.
The Cheese Candy seedling.
Now for some sweet trichome shots. I never get bored with these.
One last look. Tomorrow, when the seeds get planted, the CFLs over those pots will go back on. It looks like the CFL array will have to wait a couple more days, as will the fan and filter.
Notice the oscillating fan? Finally!!
I hope your day was as pleasant as ours. We're running on low auto pilot at the moment with a nice dose of Baked Buds to make the evening more interesting. We have enough to do that one last day. Ahhh well, the old challenge of making it one harvest to the next without running out. A classic FAIL! here.
Needs escalated quickly there on me. Dale has a healthy cannabis appetite. Get out there and sprinkle joyfulness all around your corner of the world. I'm doing my best to do that here at the hospital. He's back on his regular floor, so it almost feels like home. They go out of their way to make him comfortable, since he's one of their favorite patients. I go out of my way to compliment them at every opportunity. People respond well to that.
Another night in the recliner for me. I don't sleep more than three hours anyway these days, so it's a nice long night of running through the threads and exploring music. Sweet diversions to get through this madness. I'm still a bit in shock, but there's nothing to do now but wait it out.
WooHoo!! Got this done before the day's end. Some days it's more challenging than others.
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