I put up with way too much shit here.
So I've decided that I'm not going to anymore.
Where I would expect an attempt at an apology from a member because his insanely out of control wife stalked me for two days.
Instead I get the added insult of being put on ignore by that member. Treated like I was the one in the wrong. I noticed it on the Mars contest thread when I went to update my tent unboxing.
To me this is unfathomable.
I'm tired of the cowards here and the keyboard cowboys that have nothing better to do than fuck with me.
Telling me that I'm nothing but T-n-A. That it was the only reason that I was ever sponsored or that anyone visits my journal at all..... I have nothing else to offer, after all.
I'm a person with a big heart and unfortunately,big hearts make for easy targets. Even if I feel what they are saying isn't true, it still has a lingering effect of self-doubt.
If one person that I considered a close friend would say this to me, how many others are thinking it??
Seems that trying to be myself isn't good enough here. If I let shit go, I'm too nice. If I try to stand up for myself , I'm hysterical and need to be shut out. Even if I'm sipping tea calmly at the time.
I hear it from all sides and it is impossible to satisfy everyone.
I guess it really comes down to this.
I love my friends here( talking about you guys)but I can't and shouldn't put up with harassment just to be around them.
My little journal feels tainted...a lingering negativity. I am having a hard time being here.
A lot of my thoughts and feelings and a small record of my life are contained here. I thought of it as a sacred space of sorts.
I never wanted the peace to be broken here, I wanted it to be a safe and welcoming place for all who entered.
I've also been told that I can be terribly naive. On this point I would have to agree. The results don't lie.
but if you say that it didnt seem to hurt anything, then im a little less concerned about it.
and 
and :support:
