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dang, girl.....so creative.....you're kicking ass...! Rap on, you rock....
*much love
I am sorry that you must bear the pain of the battles that you must fight.
Know that you are not alone and we can all help each other with the scars
that we all share on some level.
Sometimes I write to help myself too.
Some days I feel haunted. Almost like dreams of another.
Caught in a wave of emotion. Static from the abyss.
Feels like there is something to say. Lost in the mist.
The meaning is unclear. A dream that is fading.
My mood darkens. The anxiety persists.
I can do this all day. You get the jist.
Goodbye dear friend.
Please come back every now and then.
It is so hard to speak when you are gone.
The words go dark. My mind goes numb with fear.
I will know when you are back again.
The words will once more, begin to appear.
I don't know where I go.
I don't know what causes the changes.
I know that I am left in a shell.
To live in my own personal hell.
I'm lost somewhere on these pages.
A ghost, speaking from his cell.
There appears to be no pattern.
It can sometimes be hard to cope.
I emerge from a daze. Lost and conflicted.
But at least then there is hope.
I just waste so much fucking time.
Healing from wounds that are self inflicted.
Though the words this time have brought their darkness.
I can literally feel their cold starkness.
This is not a case of a lost soul swan dive.
For the words are burning so very brightly.
My soul is awake. I feel alive.
Cheers friend.
*Wow, you blew my mind. Extremely inspiring. "A ghost, speaking from his cell." - I gave you snaps for that line. Phew, hauntingly beautiful to me. You touched my soul, just like that.
Again you reward us with a brilliant thoroughly educational update.
And your ladies look absolutely delicious!
Frosted and elegant...im jealous.
Not really jealous. PROUD!
Your opening paragraphs are a mirror of my trials and frustrations.
I cannot tell you what works or didn't.
Beyond medical marijuana's evident healing and therapeutic properties.
Our brains are like fingerprints. Wired to us for eternity.
Every one an individual blueprint of our learning capabilities.
Genetics, Freewill, learned response, and instincts programme the use of our brain.
Short version....
I was borne an exceptional child.
I was neither right handed or left.
Nor ambidextrous.
I didn't crawl...I walked
I didn't babble...I talked
I never cried nor felt pain
I saw the world differently
I was considered "Slow" as a child.
I was bored easily.
I never studied....i read and remembered
I've had an excellent and exciting life!
UNTILL
One day 9 years ago "I knew something was wrong"
No one listened!
All I received was Opinions.....No answers.
2 years later my brain broke. I was a clean slate....no data. Followed by 4 years of living hell.
Than the dreams came! First the childhood memories.....unlocking the data stored on microfiche. Converting it to digital.
My brain is firing different. New pathways, direction change, reroute....awakening!
I don't Fear, Hope or Pray......
I know I have this beat....and TIME I have.
G2HM, you are where I was....
I am where you will be....
This is NOT a death sentence.
We all heal in unique ways.
Some better than others..you are in the "some better" category.
I came to the 420 community for something else.....and found you!
This journal is perfect....It is your journey.
Now that all knows a little about me.
My presence as a friend is to Aspire you!
I HUG YOU TO LIVE!
*I felt like you put a big warm blanket around me. Your words just reassured my heart. I'm just wow'd beyond beliefs. I just look up to you so much. There is some frequency between our brains. Measured in megaheartz. I can't ever describe the happiness I feel when you relate to me, yet I'm not happy for why, but how can I not celebrate the cerebral connections. Just plowing through a snow storm knowing summer is just around the corner. I'm gonna save your words too. Gonna wear them like a badge. Thank you soooo much.
Funny my heart actually fluttered.
Thinking i lost yet another day!!!!!
*oopsie, that happens too often doesn't it. I hear yah on that front. I'm printing out big page calendars now just so I don't lose my therapy schedule. I might get a horse one this year. I need to "pony" up the cash though. tehehe gniiite