The Joy Of Growing - SweetSue Goes Perpetual

i wish i could tell you it gets better. it doesn't ever really get better. you just get used to it. like a scar. it heals in some ways, but not in others. you are doing just fine doing what you are doing. keeping busy, healthy and in touch with people who care. you are such a dear sweet and authentic person. no matter how hard it gets don't do what i did and shut down for a few years. year four is coming for me in February and this year i am fully avoiding the dark places i have been the last few. i think i found a bunch of really cool people to help keep things in the light this year. who knows i may even forgive some things and log in back home eventually.
 
SweetSue said:
I decided to spend the day making art.

Jamaican Dream: Backlit, with filter (Day 76)

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holy shit that's bad ass! :Love:
 
I think this is my favorite pic of yours! The teal on the back wall with a purple accent that seems to come right from the one lit bud in the middle. The stacked green trays on the left look like they were hit by a purple magic marker. It's a grow scene from Star Trek.
 
Glimmer, everyone, group hug! :laughtwo:

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:​

It's every bit as painful,as you describe, but from that pain rises the joyful appreciation of day-to-day existence. For all the pain, I laugh frequently and with gusto, often brought on by my interactions here on these digital pages. Don't underestimate your own value to the equation of my survival. Being able to share it has helped me heal in the most transformative way imaginable.

I'm sorry for the pain this journey sometimes causes you to share with me. I try to sequester the worst of it, but there are times..... I drag myself through these emotional minefields sometimes. Dale learned to sit back and watch the fireworks. The man had an amazing capacity to deal with me crying. He just let it happen and listened. Sometimes I talk to him now and there's not much difference. Hahaha! He was a man of fewer than few words. :laughtwo:

Obviously I'll find my way to the forgiveness that's at the end of every one of these side trips. I have to remind myself of all those truths too. :battingeyelashes:
 
:hugs::hugs::hugs: Sue. If you feel like making a trip to NJ you are welcome to join my family for Thanksgiving. We are very casual and do things buffet style. Just a family from church and my cousin. Not a huge crowd. If you can't make it here, I will be serving "Virtual fried turkey" along with all the Virtual sides and virtual pecan pie for dessert. Please feel free to stop by. :hugs: I wish I could do more to help ease your pain. :peace:
 
ShiggityFlip said:
I think this is my favorite pic of yours! The teal on the back wall with a purple accent that seems to come right from the one lit bud in the middle. The stacked green trays on the left look like they were hit by a purple magic marker. It's a grow scene from Star Trek.
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electro gypsy said:
holy shit that's bad ass! :Love:
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Guys, you made me laugh right out loud. Gee, thanks. It just kinda happened by accident. I'll have to play some more.

Here you go. Just because I was feeling frisky. Jamaican Dream is the guest, once again. Enjoy. :battingeyelashes: :Love:

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supergroomer said:
By the way. If you show up for Thanksgiving, I expect you to supply the brownies!! :) :peace:
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I'll be doing Thanksgiving with the daughter, but the offer was tempting. I will leave virtual brownies at the pot luck certain to show up at the coffee shop on Thursday. :battingeyelashes:

Another Jamaican Dream treat.

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I didn't notice until it was posted that if you zoom in you can see all the trichomes. :slide:
 
Dark Devil Auto #2 (Day 76)

A closer look.

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It's almost a feral look, isn't it? She looks incredibly wild and primitive to me.

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I wont get this until tomorrow, but I'm taking this bud. It's done and I want a taste later in the week. This bud is just begging to be the sacrificial lamb.

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I'm a little in awe of her, to be honest. She sits back here and just looks more gorgeous by the day. Here she is, starting another wave of pistils. Amazing!

We're very close now, though, so every day's a bonus.


 
Pigeons420 said:
Wow what glorious photos Susan! Wow you've out done yourself. Those shots are exquisite.

:hugs: :Love:

Love you! :Love: MUAH :Love:
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Thank you ,Love. Right back at you. :Love: MUAH :Love:

Paradise Nebula, a day older than yesterday. Haha! Posting from the bus, without notes.


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Don't you just love the dripping-with-trichomes look? :laughtwo:
 
She's decided to start praying to the lights.

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I'm
GhettoGro said:
You got some beautiful nugs Sue. I wish I could be at your family Thanksgiving "pot-luck".. I would be the guy everyone was asking, "why did he eat all the brownies up?"
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Someday GG. Someday. :rofl:

Afghani #2 (Day 132). This plant and I cried together this morning. I kid you not. We sat and cried at how sucky life can be on some levels while it shines everywhere else and then I kissed every one of her colas and dumped so much love onto her I'll be surprised if I don't find her blooming more pistils in the morning. Now I ask you, how many of you get that intimately involved with your plants? I honestly believe it may be why they grow like this for me. I'll admit, I'm becoming more skilled, but these plants defy my easily distracted nature and continue to flourish. They certainly are resilient.

I couldn't decide which picture I liked best, so you get them both. :battingeyelashes:

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Time to transcribe my meditation before I hit the threads.

:ciao: :green_heart:

 
SweetSue said:
...... I'm gonna be a brownie girl to the end baby! :laughtwo:
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That's my girl!! :thumb::slide::tokin:


Oh yeah - have a happy thanksgiving - every day is a good day, remember that when you get sad and or lonely. You're still here and there's folks that love and depend on you.

Cheers
 
SweetSue said:
Anybody out there with any insight into getting through the first Thanksgiving without...... I'm all ears. Trying unsuccessfully to keep quiet,......still moving ahead, a good sign. But the pain..... I don't know how to stop missing him so desperately as the time gets closer. It's like being stabbed.

I hesitated to post that, because I'm more stable than that reads. Honestly, I am. Just dealing with so much pain at the same time and I want the day to be a celebration. There has to be a way to focus myself instead if getting this scattershot grief that's everywhere. This grieving thing fascinates me. Can you tell? :laughtwo:

So, any ideas?
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We did something completely different the year my father and her mother died.
We went to the Thanksgiving meal at Plimoth Plantation and talked to the colonial and native re-enactors in their replica villages of the first thanksgiving.

The new tradition, even when done only the one time, helped reset the brain on what a Thanksgiving celebration 'should' be.

If I had the opportunity, I would take the family to Hawaii or the Carribean for Thanksgiving.
If they were buried locally, I would do grave visitation for Thanksgiving.
For me, it is about showing my brain the new paradigm.
 
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