Misdirected anger is counterproductive.
It's also the cause of way too many suicides. A murder rap can be beaten - I have yet to see anyone beat a successful suicide rap, lol.
I think we fear suicide too much. Spoken as the mother of a woman who failed at her attempts, one of which was a night-long event. Some of us are meant to stick around, or so we’ve come to believe. Lol!
As the mother of someone with severe mental illness and the surviving wife of someone who spent years supporting the medical idustrial complex I have a slightly different understanding of those who take what so many of us refer to as the “easy way out.”
I have no fear of death. I actually celebrate the idea that we can’t live forever. I know without doubt that any brain can be relieved of enough of the clutter to have clarity and joy and any body can be salvaged from the depths of illness, given a deep enough faith in your ability to allow yourself to heal, but we're a human species, not a super-human one. Most of us won’t get there. Most of us will succumb to an illness that removes us from this playground.
Thing is, I have a strong sense that what’s beyond is so much more that we’ll laugh at the folly of struggling to stick around longer.
My daughter grew up in a world of unconditional loving and her unbalanced system translated life into something filled with unending terror and self-judgement. No way can I understand what she lives with. I love having her around. I would never have denied her the choice to leave me earlier than I was ready. We accept a shared responsibility to help her body find balance, since she’s decided to stop trying to kill herself.
Cannabis was an absolute godsend and IMO should be part of the protocol for every suicide hotline.
“Do you have access to cannabis? Go take a couple hits and call me right back.”
Suicide is just a quick passage into what’s next. The guilt and anger we all bear when it happens in our world is of our own making. A feeling we choose to hold and one we can learn to replace with better-feeling thoughts. Our pain, our choice.
Wow! I keep walking into soul-searching moments and finding myself typing through tears.
Hmmmmm..... could it be the Devil’s Carnival cob playing with my emotions? I had a 0.5 chunk finishing up a month-long cure.
I had a flashback to the moment I realized that sativas could do that. Lol! I still forget.
Ok...that explains a lot. Lol! Wow! It
has been a morning.
Good morning everyone
Ahhhh.... I feel better now. That was beginning to concern me. The situation with the daughter’s liver in top of all the preparations for traveling had me thinking I was overextended. Lol! Not a normal feeling for me.
I remember thinking in the shower “This is going to be a scattered day, isn’t it?” I believe I’ll do the world and myself a favor and not do anything that requires my full attention.
I’ve been more melancholy lately as the grow winds down. This feels so wrong to my system I have to keep reminding myself that it’s only temporary, and it’ll be better when I start up again.
All morning I’ve been considering the value of a small tent for vegging. Maybe I’ll stroll the Internet stores. Wonder if we have a sponsor that’d be interested?
You know....I hesitate to use the power of being SweetSue like that, but in all honesty, I do get a lot of traffic, don’t I? One small 2x4 tent would go a long way to getting me closer to environmental control. I already have the humidifier for this desired tent. Picked it up on clearance.
More contemplation is required.
We have a few harvests coming up. The Devil's Carnivals are ready. I'll take them Friday, I believe. Too much scheduled for tomorrow.
Can you see it?
Yep....time to harvest.
Friday for the DCs, Sunday for the Jamaicans, Tuesday for Carn 4.6. I may leave one Jamaican standing to be harvested for juicing so the daughter can find a recipe that's palpable, although she told me it doesn't matter what it tastes like, she'll drink it, and do so every day we have blossoms for her to blend. Jamaican 1.3 is in soil, and we were going to let that root ball reveg anyway, so she'll be harvested slowly and never will be cut down. I plan to pass her on to Jgrowlove.
This is an administration direction I didn't see coming, and it takes a rethinking of the way we grow. Our needs have changed to include juicing, but our mindset is still stuck in having enough on hand to use the way we have up to now. I'd like to find a way to do it all.
That sounds so much like me it made me laugh right out loud.
"I want it all!"
I won't have a tombstone, but if I did, that would be an appropriate quote for it.
Time to take the buzz on the road. It's a good day for a walk along the river. Until later, my friends.
, good to go for a long time.
Feeling pretty nice at the moment. Lol!
Living with deliberate choice....the only way to fly.