Pharmaceuticals.......I'm beginning to see them in a new, disturbing light. Side effects that get blown off as "minor." Things like depression or anxiety. Consider the effects of these drugs on individuals already anxious or depressed. We play with fire.
The daughter has breathing issues that we initially thought needed surgery, but after testing it was determined that she was a better candidate for Nasonex. The stuff burns going in, and when I say that you think momentarily, don't you? Not for my baby. Think twenty minutes, minimum.
She worked through that, because she was suddenly able to breathe more clearly, though not completely. Snoring decreased dramatically. These were worth a little pain, eh?
When the partner developed depression that required medication and the meds needed adjusting it was easy to attribute the near-suicidal anxiety that started to build to the stress of dealing with his depression. She knows depression. She knows how not to try to fix it. Her own anxiety appeared to peak and wane. The partner's meds began to work. She was doing better. That worked well.
Then she realized she'd used the inhaler for a month, believing it had a month's supply when it only had 15-days worth. When she refilled it the connection to the anxiety wasn't made. That connection happened today, a week into her new inhaler, when she found herself hearing that voice that insists she's not worth keeping alive again. Then she made the connection to the rising anxiety that she'd been dealing with for a few days. It built until she woke this morning under a dark, dark cloud that she couldn't explain.
She came to me instead of reaching for something sharp. My first question was "What did you take today?" We both understood I wanted to be certain she was on her cannabinoid meds. She assured me she'd taken her capsules, but nothing else. She turned down the wax I keep for her and filled me in on what she was challenged with.
It's hard guys, watching your baby suffer like this, but I have to tell you, her therapy is working in ways we never imagined. In the midst of battling the demon she said her rational mind stepped in and gained enough control that she came to me instead. This is new behavior for her. Totally new. We can only assume that her ECS has recovered enough that the receptors in her brain are beginning to function properly, at least in the realm of rational thought in the midst of emotional chaos.
After we discussed the situation for about ten minutes I asked if she wanted that hit yet. This time she said yes, so I loaded the pen and handed it to her, but asked her to do an emotional check before to give herself a comparison on the mood shift after the hit. Then I sat back and watched all that tension and anxiety fall off her like a discarded blanket.
All this time and it still stuns her how quickly cannabis changes reality back to the real now. I recall Bryan Krumm mentioning that during his stints on the suicide hotline he'd often ask if the caller had any cannabis available. If the answer was affirmative he'd recommend they go take a few hits and call him back. Invariably they'd return in a dramatically improved emotional tone.
So, it's ok to prescribe a medication that hurts her to use and causes her to become suicidal, but the medication that levels her emotional tone without side effects is illegal to grow and dispense.
Land of the free huh? You could fool me.
She won't be using the inhaler anymore. She'll live with the breathing problem and look for holistic modalities. And she'll keep that pen loaded with wax next to her real close until this shit works its way out of her system. *sigh* At least it's two steps forward before the step back. We're still moving in the right direction. She came through like a champ, and I think she'll reach for the cannabis earlier instead of later from now on.
I'll run out of that wax at some point. I'll have to come up with some way to make it myself. Won't that be fun?