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SoilGirl
Well-Known Member
Re: SoilGirl's Indoor Organic Soil Medical Grow Journal - Mars II 1600 and other LEDs
Hello everybody! I'm getting ready to do an update in a sec but first I wanted to get back to you guys that posted recently, share what's been up lately, and say something.
First off, a good friend of mine here brought it to my attention that yesterday (I think) someone started a little argument here by saying a couple things to me that not everybody following my journal agreed with. I didn't see any of it except for the response to me that started all of it. I just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone that spoke on my behalf, you're such kind people and I'm honored you would defend me and support me. Also thank you to any moderators/staff that were involved with removing it all, that was very thoughtful, but I also want to say I'm a big girl. I can take a harsh opinion.
As for what he said to me, I have two things to say. One is that yes, I am young (21) and trying to grow while living with my Dad who suffered a head injury at work 2 years ago and now can be very aggressive and out of control randomly, and whose condition is degenerating. But for you to say I shouldn't be growing, and am doing some kind of harm to public opinion of the MMJ community by doing so in this situation, is just plain jumping the gun a bit. My Dad and I have both really enjoyed my outdoor harvest, we both use it for medicine... which brings me to the second thing I wanted to say.
.... let me break down why he thought I can't be "medicating" and must instead just be "getting high" ... (Side Note:*** 'high' in the derogatory sense - I honestly see anything that effects your state of mind/consciousness as a form of 'high' - but why does that mean it is a delinquent behavior and can't be 'medicating'..? I think when it comes to weed, if someone says they're 'getting high' what we should assume is they are self medicating.... even if its just someone relaxing after a long day with a bowl, the weed is acting as an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication - whether they feel they medically need to use it or not) .... he assumed since I'm young, I couldn't possibly medically need Cannabis. Because, as we all know, 21 year olds can't get cancer or epilepsy or AIDS....
well he was right, I don't have as urgent a need for medical cannabis as many out there do. I don't have cancer or epilepsy or AIDS. But what gives anyone the right to say that it isn't important for me to use cannabis, especially someone that has never even met me...? that doesn't feel the pain in my wrists when I try to lift something... (multiple fractures each wrist - one that went untreated for much too long in my right hand), or the horrible stomach pains/nausea and headaches I get, who doesn't know the anxiety or depression of my life, how many sleepless nights I spend tossing and turning and having terrible nightmares when I don't have weed. It makes my life A LOT more worth living.
But I will also admit... I have developed a dependency which makes me question my own sincerity every now and then about using it as a medicine. I use too much cannabis and I hope to lessen the amount I do to just a couple times a day, maybe once in the morning once at night before bed.... and just maybe one or two somewhere between.. ... see? Dependency. I'm disappointed by letting myself get dependent on weed, but I'd much rather have bud as my 'problem' than alcohol or cigarettes or anything else.
OK that said - the situation at home is still crazy. Today I found my dad passed out on the ground in the chicken coop, again, and he won't tell me what he's doing in there. If I hadn't gone out to take pics of my compost/worm bin and add some leaves he might have been laying in chicken poo for hours >.< He got mad at me that I hadn't found him sooner.. but he wasn't saying anything or making any sound, and I didn't even know he was back from the store.. god it's hard to get him back on his feet. He weighs like 230 lbs... 100 lbs more than me.
I'm going to be going to Denver this Friday to spend some time away from my Dad. I need a break. Really REALLY need a break lol. He says he will watch my plants. Then I'll come back with my Mom and maybe my sister for thanksgiving... my Dad actually tries to hold back his awful craziness around my sister since he never sees her, so hopefully the holiday will go without incident... my sister would never ever visit him again if he pulled any BS.
... ok I've been long winded too long. I haven't even answered anyone personally... at this rate the update won't happen until tomorrow >.<
Here's to peace, love, and a healthy, medicated life for us all.
I'll stay strong. thank you for caring Susan. Your user name is an honest one
Yep. Definitely a fool. I certainly am living up to my generation's reputation >.< oh god... Someone just put me out of my misery hahaha...
Thank you for the support SBG.. I hope you're enjoying your weekend.
alright... I'm going to go fire up the EQ Arizer really quick, then I'll be right back for that update. *Spoiler* There will be worm porn, a hermie, and a new baby.
Hello everybody! I'm getting ready to do an update in a sec but first I wanted to get back to you guys that posted recently, share what's been up lately, and say something.
First off, a good friend of mine here brought it to my attention that yesterday (I think) someone started a little argument here by saying a couple things to me that not everybody following my journal agreed with. I didn't see any of it except for the response to me that started all of it. I just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone that spoke on my behalf, you're such kind people and I'm honored you would defend me and support me. Also thank you to any moderators/staff that were involved with removing it all, that was very thoughtful, but I also want to say I'm a big girl. I can take a harsh opinion.
As for what he said to me, I have two things to say. One is that yes, I am young (21) and trying to grow while living with my Dad who suffered a head injury at work 2 years ago and now can be very aggressive and out of control randomly, and whose condition is degenerating. But for you to say I shouldn't be growing, and am doing some kind of harm to public opinion of the MMJ community by doing so in this situation, is just plain jumping the gun a bit. My Dad and I have both really enjoyed my outdoor harvest, we both use it for medicine... which brings me to the second thing I wanted to say.
.... let me break down why he thought I can't be "medicating" and must instead just be "getting high" ... (Side Note:*** 'high' in the derogatory sense - I honestly see anything that effects your state of mind/consciousness as a form of 'high' - but why does that mean it is a delinquent behavior and can't be 'medicating'..? I think when it comes to weed, if someone says they're 'getting high' what we should assume is they are self medicating.... even if its just someone relaxing after a long day with a bowl, the weed is acting as an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication - whether they feel they medically need to use it or not) .... he assumed since I'm young, I couldn't possibly medically need Cannabis. Because, as we all know, 21 year olds can't get cancer or epilepsy or AIDS....
well he was right, I don't have as urgent a need for medical cannabis as many out there do. I don't have cancer or epilepsy or AIDS. But what gives anyone the right to say that it isn't important for me to use cannabis, especially someone that has never even met me...? that doesn't feel the pain in my wrists when I try to lift something... (multiple fractures each wrist - one that went untreated for much too long in my right hand), or the horrible stomach pains/nausea and headaches I get, who doesn't know the anxiety or depression of my life, how many sleepless nights I spend tossing and turning and having terrible nightmares when I don't have weed. It makes my life A LOT more worth living.
But I will also admit... I have developed a dependency which makes me question my own sincerity every now and then about using it as a medicine. I use too much cannabis and I hope to lessen the amount I do to just a couple times a day, maybe once in the morning once at night before bed.... and just maybe one or two somewhere between.. ... see? Dependency. I'm disappointed by letting myself get dependent on weed, but I'd much rather have bud as my 'problem' than alcohol or cigarettes or anything else.
OK that said - the situation at home is still crazy. Today I found my dad passed out on the ground in the chicken coop, again, and he won't tell me what he's doing in there. If I hadn't gone out to take pics of my compost/worm bin and add some leaves he might have been laying in chicken poo for hours >.< He got mad at me that I hadn't found him sooner.. but he wasn't saying anything or making any sound, and I didn't even know he was back from the store.. god it's hard to get him back on his feet. He weighs like 230 lbs... 100 lbs more than me.
I'm going to be going to Denver this Friday to spend some time away from my Dad. I need a break. Really REALLY need a break lol. He says he will watch my plants. Then I'll come back with my Mom and maybe my sister for thanksgiving... my Dad actually tries to hold back his awful craziness around my sister since he never sees her, so hopefully the holiday will go without incident... my sister would never ever visit him again if he pulled any BS.
... ok I've been long winded too long. I haven't even answered anyone personally... at this rate the update won't happen until tomorrow >.<
Aw thank you Sphnx. You've been so supportive. Its ok. I just wish I had a better 'out' haha. I appreciate the vibes, much to everybody who's been sending them!No need to be sorry, handle your shit. We'll be here.
Sorry to hear all that again. It's a never ending battle....... I'm still rooting for you though.
Just remember there is always an out.
Stay strong
Much love, respect, and loving vibes coming your way from me.
Here's to peace, love, and a healthy, medicated life for us all.
Hahahaha he's quick huh? Coming right up Senior Teddy. (I don't mean that like "you're an old senior" but like in spanish for 'sir' LOL. note to self... figure out how to put accents over vowels in type.)I see that sneaky Sphnx got in first with all the right words. We're all here for you, Girl. Now go get those photos for us.
I'm sorry that its like this too... not a fun way to live... but I've made it this far. I won't let him majorly harm me or my future. I just don't ever want to need to truly harm him. I've been close to shooting him in the leg or shoulder on 2 different occasions in the last 2 years... really, really close.. and sometimes I wish I had.. but I'm glad I didn't.Sorry to hear life continues to challenge your safety. Be safe and be strong.
I'll stay strong. thank you for caring Susan. Your user name is an honest one
Thanks SBG.. that's really kind of you to say. Maybe I'm a fool for not just packing up and running to the first place I could find, even if its a cardboard box under a bridge >.< but.. I don't know if I have the conviction to do that quite yet.. it scares me...I think all of us wish we were closer to you so we could all pitch in and help you out of this situation. No one should go through what you are going through or even put up with it.
Be Safe, Make Plans.
Love from All.
SBG
Yep. Definitely a fool. I certainly am living up to my generation's reputation >.< oh god... Someone just put me out of my misery hahaha...
Thank you for the support SBG.. I hope you're enjoying your weekend.
alright... I'm going to go fire up the EQ Arizer really quick, then I'll be right back for that update. *Spoiler* There will be worm porn, a hermie, and a new baby.