Re: SoilGirl's Indoor Organic Soil Medical Grow Journal w/ Mars II 1600 and other LED
I'd die if I didn't have some hills to hike! Its been freezing at night n bout 50 during the day but this is where my home is....I love it!
that's absolutely gorgeous marz...
I love the ocean, the beach whether its sandy and tropical like Hawaii or rocky like in Nova Scotia (that place rocks!!), the desert is beautiful in its own way, OMG the Grand Canyon is insane, I even lived in Indiana for a few years when I was growing up and the lakes and forests and wildlife were magical...
but I personally don't think anything quite compares to the beauty and majesty of the mountains.
That is breath taking..... Simply perfect.
21 is a great age. I'm 25, but if you add up all the shit that I have personally been through I'm in my 50's. Don't let your past influence your future I always say. Life is a gift that you can only live once, why wait to start your life? My girlfriend and I are moving from our little paradise bubble, Santa Barbara, to LA. I hate the city. But it's a new experience. You can't live in fear of tomorrow, that's no way to live. If you experience everyday like it's your first, you find that beauty again that is lost. A simple flower can turn my day around.
Adventures make life worth living. It's beautiful how just getting the hell out of dodge is good for the soul.
Thank you for that Sphnx, I hope the city doesn't devour you. I'm not fond of L.A. either; well, what I've seen of it anyhow. I like the city (in general) for it's luxuries and for people, but I think everyone needs to regularly get away and immerse themselves in nature to really be living, personally. I get depressed after too long of spending life in the city or suburbs, mostly spending time indoors.
nice! that's glacier huh, marzbadrock. smoke a fat joint for us on going to the sun road if its not closed already.
My heart bleeds for you at this time and I think it hurts us all to be so distant and unable to help you in this situation. The best person to help you right now is you. while your father is not home now is the time to make your plans and move on. I agree with sphnx. If yah can make it to Vancouver Island I know alot of people that can help you get settled. Not just words.
Oh thank you SBG that's really too kind of you... I'm pretty tempted to make it up there hahah, I've heard Vancouver Island is beautiful, and I think Canadians have a better approach to politics and government than we do in the U.S., but I don't think I'm going to do that right now. My Dad is back and I'm still figuring things out... I'll get to that when I'm done replying to everyone.
You called it, that was Helen lake. Going into Avalanche next weekend, awesome you recognize the area! I can literally walk outside and throw a snowball into glacier.
I'm jealous, you have a beautiful home.
Hope your day is alot better soilgirl.
thank you marz, it was another rough patch, but I'm still going. Today is the best day I've had since the whole incident.
Damn now thats a great view. I just stared at it for 5 minutes before I commented. Im gonna go stare a bit more after I post this.
hahahah, it really is beautiful... marz has a little piece of heaven.
Hope all is better!
Much love sweetheart.
aw..
Baby, we've never met, but let me offer a big virtual hug and encourage you to spread those wings and fly to safety. You deserve so much better than life offered you to this point. You're too beautiful a spirit to settle for this abuse.
Susan
That's very sweet of you Susan, thank you, I know I need to get out of here... I just don't know if I'm going to do so as fast as I previously thought. :\ things at least aren't so heated. My father and I had an emotional talk this morning and we're on much better ground... the other night I heard a *thump* and he had passed out and fallen down right outside my door. Idk if he was having a seizure or what, but that was the first time I talked to him since the incident, I helped him up and took him back to his bed. He was drunk. He started crying for a little and saying he was sorry to me then he fell back asleep >.< so of course he wouldn't remember any of it, and doesn't.
... then yesterday I decided to not be so cold to him and try to open up conversation, I did a lot of cooking, I made Buckeyes - peanut butter balls in chocolate that we usually make around the holidays, and I did a delicious roast with yummy sides for dinner... and we watched some TV in the family room together, all of that instead of continuing my self imposed exile to my room that went on for a few days. So that melted some of the frost between us... then this morning I finally got up the courage to talk to him about what happened. I was all shaky and crying >.< he doesn't realize that his actions really can and do traumatize me, as much as I hate to say that because it makes me feel weak.. ugh.
Well, thanks again Susan, ciao.
Hi SoilGirl. Subscribing & need to catch up.
Hi bright
its great to see you. Hope you're well, and take as much time as you want.
SoilGirl!!!! We need your presence
Hahaha that's really sweet of you to say Sphnx.
SO, here's what's going on...
As I was saying to Sue, my Dad and I are on better terms... although I haven't completely forgiven him and its still very fresh in my mind. We spoke about what happened this morning finally, and my Dad doesn't even remember the incident at all. He just knew he killed some of my plants and I pushed him down at some point. Yeah. His brain condition is severe. It makes him aggressive, angry, out of control, really really forgetful, stubborn, blah blah blah. But, he did believe me when I told him everything else that happened. At least there's that.
He told me he was really sorry, and that he's not in control of himself and its hard for him, and he's sorry it's hard on me too. I told him he can't treat me like that, he says he knows, etc. and that was that. Then I told him I was going to be going to Denver soon, and asked if he'd water what's left of my plants while I'm gone and he said he would.
After talking to my mom I know I just need to get away for a while no matter what, I'll renew my red card while I'm gone, look at possible jobs, see if any friends might be willing to move out with me (or let me move in) and try to save up to start our own legal recreational dispensary/grow, look at cheap apartments, and just spend time with my mom and friends away from all this for now. Then I'll drive back with my mom and maybe my sister for thanksgiving, and my dad isn't as violent when there's more than one other person here, which makes me feel better about coming back.
What I think will happen is I'll come back from the trip and find a job or two here while I'm not paying for anything. So then I can save up some money, continue growing, then if my Dad feels like attacking me or my grow again in the future I'll have something to escape with, get started over somewhere else if necessary, and hopefully even have some meds stockpiled.
I lost three plants to my dad's rampage, most importantly Blue Blood... the one I was growing for CBD, for him. I hope to start another ASAP, even if it doesn't end up being used by my Dad. Secondly, Euphoria was lost. Which really, really, pisses me off. I tried so freaking hard to keep those genetics alive, and succeeded, just for him to do that one crappy morning. I may reveg one of my outdoor Euphoria's now so I can keep it going.... in fact... I'm definitely doing that. -.- I'm not ready to say goodbye to that exact pheno of that strain. I also lost an outdoor plant that was a bagseed/pheno I may have wanted to keep... but too late. too bad.. I enjoyed smoking its mom.
Possible pic update coming later tonight or tomorrow..we'll see... thanks for coming by, for supporting me during a tough time, and making me feel better. I will do my best to keep this journal and grow going strong if I can.
" "well I BOUGHT THEM! WTF DO YOU BUY? F***ing NOTHING! go get your own f***ing house, buy your own f***ing cookies." Then he tried to grab my ponytail and drag me to the front door and throw me out... I stomped on his foot and kneed him in the privates and he fell down... that's how he slept.. next morning he didn't even know what happened. 
