yesterday I shot an elephant in my Pyjamas!
how he got in my Pyjamas, I will never know!
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yesterday I shot an elephant in my Pyjamas!
how he got in my Pyjamas, I will never know!
exercise can add years to your life..
For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now, feel like I’m 82!
Banks need to get better at restocking these ATM’s after the weekend.
this is the fifth one I’ve been to, that has
“Insufficient funds”
I don’t get it!
I always pick up a huge cucumber at wal mart, and yell to my wife “you said you wanted the biggest one right?”
because I’m a great husband!
lady in wal mart told her son
“PUT THAT SHIT BACK!” so loud,
I almost put, my shit back!
How can you have any pudding?
if you don’t eat your meat!!
Choose a major you love, and you’ll never work a day in you’re life..
Because that field probably isn’t hiring anyways..
I almost caught covid yesterday, but I quickly stood on a social distancing sticker and put an end to that shit!
They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues. Hell, I don’t even know 8 people without issues..
before coffee: annoyed by everything..
after coffee: annoyed by everything, but with the energy to complain about it!
Pros of being an adult: I can eat 28 cookies, and no one can stop me!
Cons of being an adult: I ate 28 cookies. No one stopped me, and now I feel awful!
I still remember 2020 as if it were yesterday!
Thinking about you @Cola Monster
Hope you are doing well my friend!!
merry Christmas buddy! Happy new year!
Happy new year everybody!! For the first time in our life, hindsight is 2020!! Let’s put it in our rear view!!
me:.......
Wife:.....
Me.....
Wife:.....
Toddler: (in time out)
Me: timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot our murders...
Wife:
I’ve just released my own fragrance...
Nobody in the car seemed to like it.
Why don’t blind people go sky diving?
it scares the hell out of the dogs.
please don’t delete me!
My wife: Are you even listening to me?
me:that’s a weird way to start a conversation! -
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