Trala’s Tent

One of my sons took his life in November. 😭
 
Schnookie said:
One of my sons took his life in November. 😭
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Hello there :)

Welcome to our Tent of Debauchery. I’m super sad we are meeting under such sad circumstances. My sincere condolences, to you. While I haven’t lived the horror of my child choosing to end his life, I have had to live with having my mother suicide. She overdosed on oxy. She was suicidal most of my life. She died 6 years ago.

Grieving is a process, and you have to walk through that process and endure the horror best you can. The guilt, the blame, the flashbacks, the reconciliation of the smells, the visual trauma of having to organise the cleaning up what remains of the death site. But it is what it is. They’re are gone. We are still here. We march on.

Suicide is a choice. Death is coming for all of us. While it is always super upsetting when the victim isn’t yet old enough to make an informed decision, coz suicide can be a long term solution to a short term problem, life is not for everybody. And the only thing we can take from it with full certainty, they are now free of their mental misery.

Your son would not want you to suffer, even though you do. Your son would not want you to stay broken, even though you will. Your son would want you to let in the light, smile, feel peace and in time you will learn to live with your loss.

Your boy is free. Free of the pain. Free of the feeling of drowning in his own thoughts. Free from the self loathing. Free of the whole fucking mess. He tried. He just couldn’t. He is where we will one day be. He just got there quicker than us.

I send you love and I send you strength. And if you tell me his name I will plant a memorial plant for him in my garden. Because as long as you speak his name his spirit lives. We are only really gone the last time our name is spoken here on earth.

You are not alone. If you are struggling under the weight of your grief reach out. If you have a keyboard, help is everywhere.

Xo
 
And now I am gonna do a super quick gear change coz at my core I’m a narcissist lolllll! My night is filled with so many choices! Coz I defs have a touch of the bi polar bears I have no idea which way my cards will fall. My man is on a nightshift, and I’m one tomorrow night. This means I have plenty of time to recover if I do decide to get zooted.

I have plenty of gin and weed, I could get totes munted and music myself, or I could get back in the pool coz it’s 28 degrees here at 6pm, or I can eat dinner and watch Brit Box (don’t judge me this is my safe place!) or I could sit in front of my mums cross, listen to Neil Diamond and cry, though to be fair that’s more a 28th March vibe. So many choices. One thing I know, it will end with me in my bed alone. Starfished and smiling!
 
Just went down to say hi.

RIP Mum

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Trala said:
Best gin ever. It really is. And I’ve only tried the Shiraz one so far. I just hope I can get it here.

I will :) My son really is the best. Funniest person I know. He messaged me at work yesterday:-

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Then I got home yesterday and there were a bunch of flowers waiting for me!

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He is the first person to ever love me without conditions. He loved me just as much as a junkie as he loves me now. He really did help heal me. Showed me love in its purest form and made me want to do better for him. And now his sons are doing the same. If it wasn’t for my son, I would have happily died a long time ago.

He’s the best cunt.
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Soo wonderful , lovely , this moved me sad & happy mixed feeling , take care Tra ❤️❤️
 
ThirdUncle said:
Soo wonderful , lovely , this moved me sad & happy mixed feeling , take care Tra ❤️❤️
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So weird how the friendship of strangers can make us feel like we matter. Like we’re adulting okay.

Thanks for making me feel both those things ThirdUncle. Xo
 
:party: :hug::party:
Den of Debauchery
:love:
Those ballon people are whistling
Pharrell's Happy song​
 
Trala said:
Hello there :)

Welcome to our Tent of Debauchery. I’m super sad we are meeting under such sad circumstances. My sincere condolences, to you. While I haven’t lived the horror of my child choosing to end his life, I have had to live with having my mother suicide. She overdosed on oxy. She was suicidal most of my life. She died 6 years ago.

Grieving is a process, and you have to walk through that process and endure the horror best you can. The guilt, the blame, the flashbacks, the reconciliation of the smells, the visual trauma of having to organise the cleaning up what remains of the death site. But it is what it is. They’re are gone. We are still here. We march on.

Suicide is a choice. Death is coming for all of us. While it is always super upsetting when the victim isn’t yet old enough to make an informed decision, coz suicide can be a long term solution to a short term problem, life is not for everybody. And the only thing we can take from it with full certainty, they are now free of their mental misery.

Your son would not want you to suffer, even though you do. Your son would not want you to stay broken, even though you will. Your son would want you to let in the light, smile, feel peace and in time you will learn to live with your loss.

Your boy is free. Free of the pain. Free of the feeling of drowning in his own thoughts. Free from the self loathing. Free of the whole fucking mess. He tried. He just couldn’t. He is where we will one day be. He just got there quicker than us.

I send you love and I send you strength. And if you tell me his name I will plant a memorial plant for him in my garden. Because as long as you speak his name his spirit lives. We are only really gone the last time our name is spoken here on earth.

You are not alone. If you are struggling under the weight of your grief reach out. If you have a keyboard, help is everywhere.

Xo
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Thank you Tra, I appreciate yout honesty. His name is Jonathan. He would've been 26 next month. He suffered from severe Bipolar for several years, partially genentic, but probably also brought about by CTE/TBI from being a soccer goalie. He had multiple concussions (how many more we didn't even know about?) over the years and we actually did get an MRI and oxygen brain scan which told us he had some physical damage. This was only his last attempt, several previous ones failed. We tried so many things and his mother (my ex) is still absolutely distraught (as am I, I guess) and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
 
Jonathan also has been my DJ on my alexa devices around the house.

this just popped in

 
Schnookie said:
Jonathan also has been my DJ on my alexa devices around the house.

this just popped in

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Damn I love that song! Gets me hyped up and moving every time I hear it.

Oh, and Hi Grow Sista! :ciao:
 
Schnookie said:
Thank you Tra, I appreciate yout honesty. His name is Jonathan. He would've been 26 next month. He suffered from severe Bipolar for several years, partially genentic, but probably also brought about by CTE/TBI from being a soccer goalie. He had multiple concussions (how many more we didn't even know about?) over the years and we actually did get an MRI and oxygen brain scan which told us he had some physical damage. This was only his last attempt, several previous ones failed. We tried so many things and his mother (my ex) is still absolutely distraught (as am I, I guess) and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
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Well I will buy a Jonathan Tree, and watch him grow.

From what I understand if I use friends who have lost children. You stay broken and that’s okay. But you can live, love, smile with your sadness. Your son if free. My mother had bipolar, and I defs have mild bipolar tendencies and it can be a lot. The darkness I mean. The highs are fucking awesome lol, but the lows are soul sucking. He is free of that now.

Thank you for letting us in. Xo
 
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