The Joy Of Growing - SweetSue Goes Perpetual

[SweetSue]

Hugs and kisses Sue!

Lots of love for you

I'll take them Pigeons. Tough day.

The message to Dale I didn't want to deliver from two nights ago "Follow the stars, it's easier."
My heart goes out to you and your whole family.

See how relevant that was Rad? If he comes up to any level of awareness I'll let him know. And thank the family spirits for me.

Sue
Arms about you,Dale and your families as you go through these trying times. Thinking of you and Dale.

I can feel them HarleyDude. Good, strong arms. Just what the doctor ordered.

Can you feel it? The overwhelming power of love and the way it eases even the most painful moments? Life lived to the fullest.

On Monday we'll make arrangements for hospice. His blood pressure is low enough now that dialysis is dangerous. Without dialysis he slips into toxicity. It's just a loving waiting game from here.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

always remember sue " That Which Doesn't Kill Us Only Makes Us Stronger"

 

[B A R]

I could use those virtual hugs guys.

Sue, yrs ago when we had to start making arrangements for my mother when the cancer had reached the point where the doctors sent her home there was nothing anyone could say to me to sooth my pain. To be frank it got kind of annoying with everybody coming by the apt talking all that "are you ok Reggie" & "Is there anything I can do" nonsense. The best support my sister and I had in my opinion was from our aunt who never once asked how are we doing but kept the place clean, washed dishes, and kept something cooked so when anyone came by there was something to eat; and this was my father's sister not my mother's.

With that said I won't get into all that "God has as plan stuff" or "Keep your head up". I'll just leave you with this...




If you need another hug just let me know.

 

[SweetSue]

Sue, yrs ago when we had to start making arrangements for my mother when the cancer had reached the point where the doctors sent her home there was nothing anyone could say to me to sooth my pain. To be frank it got kind of annoying with everybody coming by the apt talking all that "are you ok Reggie" & "Is there anything I can do" nonsense. The best support my sister and I had in my opinion was from our aunt who never once asked how are we doing but kept the place clean, washed dishes, and kept something cooked so when anyone came by there was something to eat; and this was my father's sister not my mother's.

With that said I won't get into all that "God has as plan stuff" or "Keep your head up". I'll just leave you with this...




If you need another hug just let me know.

You are such a doll. I think they'll carry me for a good time. I'll let you know when I need more. And thanks for understanding that this is all that's really important at this point. I'm wrapping us up in all this love and carrying us through the painful parts to the joyful memories. Best 34 years of my life, so far. I'm certain my best years are still ahead though. I'll just have to figure out who I am without him. Until then I'm going to dump so much sweetness on this man it's going to be ridiculous.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

when my mom passed best support i had was when a friend would just come over and we would just sit and stare at the fire dont think we said 2 words at those times

 

[Weaselcracker]

I thought a lot about you guys today- feeling somewhat sad. I felt like saying something nice but of course what can I say? It's a moving and sacred thing when we are bumping so close up against the mysterious and unknown 90% of life's iceberg. We all have to do it sometimes, and it seems most important that it's met with courage and grace. Yours is amazing to me.

 

[SweetSue]

when my mom passed best support i had was when a friend would just come over and we would just sit and stare at the fire dont think we said 2 words at those times

It's just being that matters. Doing can wait. Time to feel it and process it. There's no way to really prepare. You can fool yourself into thinking you are prepared, but no - you're not.

I'm going to get over the initial shock pretty quickly here. Then it's the pain of watching him struggle. With all the spiritual outreach going on in his behalf I can't see that it should be too difficult in the end.

I told him we were at the end. He had a brief moment of awareness and we talked about it. Broke my heart to tell him he won't come home again, but he wanted to know and I couldn't lie.

Back in the beginning, when his kidneys began to fail, I remember us reading that kidney failure was a kinder way to die. You fall into a sleep you don't wake from. Pain is easily controlled and you drift off. Watching him today I could understand that finally.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

how i want to go in my sleep

 

[SweetSue]

I thought a lot about you guys today- feeling somewhat sad. I felt like saying something nice but of course what can I say? It's a moving and sacred thing when we are bumping so close up against the mysterious and unknown 90% of life's iceberg. We all have to do it sometimes, and it seems most important that it's met with courage and grace. Yours is amazing to me.

My frightening journey into letting my love move on has been made surprisingly easier to traverse with the outpouring of love I've received from this community. We've had 34 blissful years together Weasel. The overwhelming response on my part is of joy and gratitude that I was so blessed to share my life with this wonderful man who went out of his way to cherish me every single day.

That kind of love generates so much positive energy. The initial shock has already given way to acceptance. Now I can focus on simply loving him to excess through his passage. It's just the circle of life playing out. We have no fear of what's next and that makes it easier still.

Thank you for the compliment. It comes from something other than myself.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

circle of life HAKUNA MATATA lol sorry couldn't help myself i know someone else was thinking it

 

[Bearswhowalk]

ok got up this morning and pammy was still looking sad so I moved the light to 5 in from her and watered her gave her a gallon checked ph of run off and it was between 6 and and6.6 so I gave her another gal. and it was down to 6 or less. rearranged the whole closet will be taking pics later. Have to run errands with my soon to be ex

 

[SweetSue]

circle of life HAKUNA MATATA lol sorry couldn't help myself i know someone else was thinking it

Hahaha! Only every time I say it out loud Bearswhowalk!

 

[Radogast]

{{ hugs }}

 

[SoCalGrower]

Following your grow!

 

[SweetSue]

Daily Update: Dark Devil Auto - Day 76

Wanting to get to the hospital early today, all I did was give the Devil her 1/4 turn and take some pictures.

The HB kit youngsters were lifted off the perlite yesterday (don't believe I noted that) so they're fine as is. I think lifting them and letting them dry and then sitting them back onto the perlite is working well. It wicks the moisture from below nice and slow and leaves everything beautifully evenly hydrated. Doc, you should give this a try. You might like it. Then again, maybe not, since you're more attuned to watering from the top, but I like the evenness of the wicking. I'm fairly certain there's absolutely no danger of dry patches inside these pots. That should promote even root development, wouldn't it?

The AUto Jock Horror x Auto Amnesia is just popping and snapping all over this tent.

Auto Destroyer, little lovely thing, is getting ready to explode in growth.

The lanky one, my bag seed beauty, hasn't begun to do the same, but there are tiny little nubs beginning.

The energy from this Cheese Candy makes me catch my breath. She wants to take this pot over, you can feel it.

Now let me step to the side and just let you enjoy. I can take her at any time now, I believe. I need to get some lemon juice for the wash and then decide on the when. There are still a few white pistils, but everything is obviously in the final stage of bloom. Maybe shoot for end of the week and give the rest of the pistils time to change.

A parting look in.

A poignant moment. I need to start thinking of our home as my home. This is where I start that change. I'm going to clear this area of all Dale's tools and stuff and set up my plant staging area right here next to the tent and within steps of the bathroom. I'm going to try to get it done tonight, before any craziness ensues about moving Dale into hospice care.

Keeping up with these updates is keeping me centered in a nice way. I slip right out of bed to the tent every morning anyway, so excited to see the progress. It's important to my well being to have this life and death balance going on. The energy these plants give off carries me through the days. You all grow, so you understand that there's just something about this species. I know it's not just me.

Pointing you all to the path of joy every day keeps my own soul directed. So do what we do best around here, and spread joy at every turn. I'm going to paint my entire day with it. I've been hugging staff all morning and working on projecting peace and joy instead of fear or sorrow. Nothing really to fear, is there? There'll be time enough for sorrow after he passes. For now I think laughter and just being here and loving is the sense I'm shooting for.

 

[SweetSue]

The conversations we had with Dale yesterday got lost in the toxic fog, so we had a repeat of them this morning. Now he's cognizant of his impending mortality and the really hard decision to discontinue dialysis entirely sits there for us to explore. Right now he's slipping under again, but not as deep as it was yesterday. Our daughter is coming to the hospital so we can have a family discussion.

This is so strange. To sit and casually discuss the end of your life. This man of fewer than few words is expecting me to snowball everyone right through this stage. He actually stated it like that this morning. He's counting on me to keep everyone focused on moving forward. I'm honored that he trusts me to do that, but a part of me wishes our son could have stayed a part of the family to help his mother get through this. So sad to find I have nothing to say to him at this point. My own flesh and blood.

Ok that's just too painful to deal with. Let me back up.

 

[SweetSue]

{{ hugs }}

Special thanks Rad. I told Dale about the stars. He understood.

I feel like I'm absolutely surrounded by love. What a powerful sense.

Following your grow!

Welcome SoCalGrower, to the journal and to the community. You caught us at a poignant time, but stick with us. We recover quickly around here. All this loving has an amazingly curative effect on one.

You also caught up to us as we transition into the next stage of the perpetual tent. Good timing there. Feel free to jump into the conversation at any time. If there's anything we can help you find in our virtual neighborhood please ask.

 

[xtrchessreal]

Keeping up with these updates is keeping me centered in a nice way. I slip right out of bed to the tent every morning anyway, so excited to see the progress. It's important to my well being to have this life and death balance going on. The energy these plants give off carries me through the days. You all grow, so you understand that there's just something about this species. I know it's not just me.

Pointing you all to the path of joy every day keeps my own soul directed. So do what we do best around here, and spread joy at every turn. I'm going to paint my entire day with it. I've been hugging staff all morning and working on projecting peace and joy instead of fear or sorrow. Nothing really to fear, is there? There'll be time enough for sorrow after he passes. For now I think laughter and just being here and loving is the sense I'm shooting for.

Before long you'll be trying to figure out how to get through the jungle in that tent, a nice thing.
This is very healthy thinking Sue. Those last two sentences are spot on from my perspective

 

[xtrchessreal]

The conversations we had with Dale yesterday got lost in the toxic fog, so we had a repeat of them this morning. Now he's cognizant of his impending mortality and the really hard decision to discontinue dialysis entirely sits there for us to explore. Right now he's slipping under again, but not as deep as it was yesterday. Our daughter is coming to the hospital so we can have a family discussion.

This is so strange. To sit and casually discuss the end of your life. This man of fewer than few words is expecting me to snowball everyone right through this stage. He actually stated it like that this morning. He's counting on me to keep everyone focused on moving forward. I'm honored that he trusts me to do that, but a part of me wishes our son could have stayed a part of the family to help his mother get through this. So sad to find I have nothing to say to him at this point. My own flesh and blood.

Ok that's just too painful to deal with. Let me back up.

Dale knows its important to move forward, I am glad your daughter is coming. Keep the thoughts of your son out of this equation for now, that's inward thinking and it will only stop you from moving forward. He knows whats going on and chooses not to participate, that is on him not you. So, just focus on the now, focus on your life moving on.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

would love to get my hands on some beans for that horner X amnesia auto