Blazinjones
Well-Known Member
See, you are doing all the right things. I would add one more: put some distance - your choice how much distance - between you and those who are actively discouraging you and offering temptation instead of support. It is perfectly OK to do whether they are acquaintances, friends, or especially family. You may miss out on the summer BBQ but you will gain so much more and it's part of taking care of yourself. You'll get guilt trips if you keep limited contact but it's worth it for your well-being. Those who woller in their own shit can't stand to see someone else get clean. They will drag you down into the muck just to make excuses for themselves. It is a vicious and cruel thing.
Awesome of the sponsorship and that you'll be making your own journal. Count me in!
Yea only problem with tht is it's my mom n uncle now 2. As of last week him an his gf lost there place an he started havn seizures an shit n needed somewhere they could put there new trailer while they find land to buy some how. An now with him having seizures an his gf has major health issues I didnt want them to have the 2 kids be homeless with them. An which they are my niece and nephew who I've pretty much helpd raise since they were born. So I got guilt tripped into letting g them put there trailer in my land while they find land which they will need rent to own cause my uncle is on disability an the gf has 2 many health issues to work or so she says so they jus got his check an the kids check from them havn a dad who is disabled. I guess the state gives them checks 2 but the parents take it an waste my uncle is a dam drunk an my aunt is pretty much a legal junkie. They have these fukn places around here called methadone clinics an they jus give u rediculous amounts of it for free u jus gotta show up to the clinic each day but if u work ur way up the program which means jus be clean of weed u can eventually work ur way to getting more take home doses so u would only need to go in once a week an get a week worth of ur meds. Now get this u can shoot heroin and do dope still an move up the program but not weed if u do any herb then u gotta start over an that means coming in everyday to dose. Which for my aunt is 2 hours away well 1.5 the way she drives lol oh an u gotta be there early as shit cause there is a line 2 miles long an once it hits 1 or 2pm they close for the day weather u get ur dose or not. But she gets there at 430 am as soon as they r opening g doors and they still already have a slight line. But yea with them like that I didnt want the kids on there own so I said yes they all could stay. Plus no1 will watch my grandparents an I jus cant bring myself to put them in a dam home that's like prison for fukn old people. But shit I'd be lieing straight threw my dam teeth if I said I dont think about it. I mean shit they are jus getting so mean in there old age an going completely bat shit crazy. An then to have my mom taking advantage of me all the time taking my money I make from gettn rid of any smoke or tryn to steal my pills or guilt trip me into giving her some of mine cause she takes hers or gets rid of them or sumthn idk I doubt she gets rid of them I'm pretty sure she is jus taking more then she needs cause I dnt see her getn rid of shit with how bad she acts jus to get one from me at times. Then if I dont help every1 out bolt jesus I'm jus an ass hole mean piece of shit that holds everything over every1 I guess but it's kinda hard not to say anything g about it when every1 acts this way all the time. An when the rare times come around when I actually start feeling like u no what screw this I've had enough I'm done I'm guna kick em all out I've had it. They go an fukn do something completely nice an like try an buy my affection back or or like a bribe or sumthn to like forget it or sumthn idk but they act like whatever it is should jus wipe everything away an now it all never happened or some shit like tht lol. An it even gets worse then all this at times. But shit I've went on a huge rant an jus kinda burst right there lol sorry bout tht appearntly I needed to vent alil lol. But yea thank you every1 for being here an helping me so much an jus being a listening ear or screen or whatever u get it lol . Its nice having some one to be able 2 ask for grow help to Learn new things am jus to be able 2 talk. But having some one to talk to about the garden is even better cause of where I live I have no1 anymore tht does this stuff that I could talk with. Plus it's nice being able to show off my girls lmao. I never thought I would be someone who first off liked to garden and second trying to win contests for gardening an saying things like dang I wish I could show off my girls more often hahahaha .