Response to
@Amy Gardner marked with an *asterix
"G
You’re doing a really great job dealing with a really really difficult set of situations
I can’t imagine for a second what some of it is like. But I believe every word you share about it and send you every compassionate sparkle I have."
* I really appreciated the information you posted here especially when it involves sparkles and stars. So much happening all at once, it's a whole lot to deal with, not gonna lie, I'm overwhelmed, but positive & alive, that's what counts. Thank you for hugging me with your words. I really needed that.
The nightmares and the busy brain thing I can totally relate to. In complexPTSD that busy brain is driven on at least 2levels, one is the psychological protection mechanism that wants to protect you from the dreams (and whatever other trauma may have interrupted your sleep in the past)... so it’s executing some kind of ‘don’t go to sleep’ function.
* YES YES YES, half of my trauma happened at night, the worst kind, so my mind goes into survival mode at night. I can't shut it off. I have tried everything and it's failed, buuut, my hubby does help me a lot, knowing I'm beside him gives me a sense of protection. Also, Cannabis, is the only other thing that helps with falling asleep. I think this is why I was such a good dj cause I don't like sleeping at night. Daytime is way safer to sleep but that's not how the world thinks and it's too loud to sleep during the day. I knew it had to relate to my PTSD is some way.
Another driver is the damage brought to the ANS as, possibly - very likely - as result of trauma, and this is particularly the case with repeated trauma in childhood, it actually inhibits certain developments in the autonomic nervous system and effectively kills off the off switch! That’s one of the reasons that meditation only seems to get one so far, in terms of help (at least in the short term, meditation can do a lot but you have to do a friggin’ lot of it if the issue is old). Both are a debilitating form of hyper-vigilance: not something one can easily overcome.
*And there we have it. I knew my night terrors came from what's happened to me, but it's always so much more interesting when I can assign a scientific term to it so I can understand that it's not my fault because I have done everything I can to move on. I do love meditation and is why I think music helps me so much. Especially animals, a half day with the horses and I want to come home and sleep. Come to think of it, if I'm doing something I really enjoy everyday like watching world cup, it tires me out enough where I can fall asleep soundly. It's like it takes me back to before all the bad stuff happened.
I’m wracking my brain for things that help me that might be relevant (and wouldn’t be condescendingly telling you things you already know
) and I keep coming back to our beautiful plant, hey.
*If it weren't for Cannabis I wouldn't be alive, it helps me in so many ways. If my brain would just stop sabotaging me I could get ahead, but those nightmares, fog and headaches are so powerful enough to cause accidents in my garden and I don't even drive either. Hence why I'm trying to walk more.
Someone drive an indica oz over to G please!!! I would if I could my G.
*Awwwwwww, that's sweet, the thought of you doing that was very kind Amy
.
Your Candida, by the way, is gonna rock the bounce back! Just like you. I actually think it’s good if the plants get a good handle on your challenges while they’re growing. They will get to know you in particular and be tuned to what
you need, so don’t be afraid of sharing your sadness with them (or anything else), they will embrace you with loving kindness when their time comes.
*I hope she does bounce back, she took a tough fall. Very much like me, but I got back up, tears and all. That is why I'm not hopeless because my plants give me something to live for. Your words are so nice to me, thank you. She certainly is so beautiful.
I’m in! Fuggit G! If it cheers you up... ouch!
Oh now I’m exhausted ... I’ll just lie down here awhile...
*HAHAHAHAHA so funny, it makes me laugh every time, I can't be sad when that happens. When we were girls on the team we would do stupid stuff like that all the time and it still makes me laugh. I'm still a girl at heart.
add ‘accept’ at the front there I reckon. I find if I haven’t accepted (or at least thought about acceptance) a challenge or setback, the adjusting adapting can be much more difficult
(I think you do accept, I read it in your posts - just suggesting you add it to the mantra
)
Wise woman - nice adjustment
*Actually I like that, it's logical. "Accept, adjust, adapt and move on." You know what's ironic, is that I think I can still adapt and adjust without accepting, if that is even possible, could just be my broken logic again. I still feel somewhat in denial of my diagnosis because why me? Haven't I been through enough? I'm still wrestling with the why, but that's just my brain playing tricks on me. I think I accepted this when I finally started saying the word Dementia in my journals. Even though I hate that word, it's like a dirty word to me still. I wish I could change the term altogether to like Benjamin Button disease or Changeling Challenges or Brainiacs disorders.
Someone must know someone in the area that can meet up with G... and pass on a survival pack...
Or... perhaps we could take a collection. H
mmm a private conversation might be in order there
*This was an amazing message to read, your logic is well presented here when it's not so obvious if not explained in detail. You know this site, you guys and gals are helping me save my life. It's just so incredible to read. I just don't know what to say. Thank you for being my 420 family and believing in me.
can’t blame them yummy
