Your garden's beautiful in that pic G420! I hope you recovered quickly from your battle with the fan! Fans can be jerks! 
Granny420 Grows Multiple Strains In Soil Using ViparSpectra XS1500 And Vivosun Tents
- Thread starter Granny420
- Start date
I'll be joining you using @ViparSpectra XS1500 Pro's in my next tent grow! They're such a good light!
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- #463
Granny420
Well-Known Member
LOL! Hey MedScientist!On the Bright side...
It's not at your house!
you’ve got that right! That’s a whole other thing to host it! Soooo glad it wasn’t at my home!
Hey Otter!Your garden's beautiful in that pic G420! I hope you recovered quickly from your battle with the fan! Fans can be jerks!
Thank you, honey! I am recovered.
Yes, fans can be jerks - glad it didn’t jerk my hair right out!Awesome! I love the ViparSpectra XS1500 Pro’s I’m using in my 2x4 tent and can’t wait til I get my new (2nd) cube tent. It still hasn’t arrived yet. UGH! My girls are getting restless (growing) and will be so much better off when I can give them each the space they deserve! And I love these lights too Otter! Will be good to see you using them too!
Got together with some ladies yesterday and took a road trip. We love to go and stop at used sales places along the way. We do a lot of looking! One persons junk can certainly be another’s treasures!
Went out to vote today. Long long lines. It’s sure good to know so many are voting. I’m just hoping we can have a President we can be proud of. No chaos. No denial of or misrepresentation of reality. One who supports ALL Americans. Those statements here probably tell a lot of you who I voted for, cuz only one candidate represents those things!
Hubby is off work early today and picking me up in about an hour so we can go buy a bunch off stuffed animals… Our son and d-i-law are collecting donations to give out to hospitalized children in the name of our granddaughter who passed away when she was 8. They are so loving and giving. It is so sad that they lost their only daughter. Sad that horrific things happen to such really wonderful ppl. Our granddaughter is now a special angel to us and she would love this tribute to her. Losing her was why I couldn’t grow for years. I just lost my umph back then. Now, I see our angel greeting other children, helping them to cross over. Those are my thoughts anyway. I have to believe there was a purpose in her death.
Sorry to … well, bring up sad things in here. But they are a part of life as we all know. I am in a much better place than I was, so I can talk about her now with less pain in my heart. All the things our son and d-i-law do in her name is just beautiful, as she was.
Back to my grow!
I don’t have any pics to share today, but hope to do a better update soon!Hope all of you and your girls are healthy, happy, and GREEN!
Glad you made it back, granny- That had to be rough-
I can't even imagine...
My sympathies to you and the rest of the family
I can't even imagine...
My sympathies to you and the rest of the family
What @Carcass said Granny. 
Good morning GrannyLOL! Hey MedScientist!
Hey Otter!
Awesome! I love the ViparSpectra XS1500 Pro’s I’m using in my 2x4 tent and can’t wait til I get my new (2nd) cube tent. It still hasn’t arrived yet. UGH! My girls are getting restless (growing) and will be so much better off when I can give them each the space they deserve! And I love these lights too Otter! Will be good to see you using them too!
Got together with some ladies yesterday and took a road trip. We love to go and stop at used sales places along the way. We do a lot of looking! One persons junk can certainly be another’s treasures!
Went out to vote today. Long long lines. It’s sure good to know so many are voting. I’m just hoping we can have a President we can be proud of. No chaos. No denial of or misrepresentation of reality. One who supports ALL Americans. Those statements here probably tell a lot of you who I voted for, cuz only one candidate represents those things!
Hubby is off work early today and picking me up in about an hour so we can go buy a bunch off stuffed animals… Our son and d-i-law are collecting donations to give out to hospitalized children in the name of our granddaughter who passed away when she was 8. They are so loving and giving. It is so sad that they lost their only daughter. Sad that horrific things happen to such really wonderful ppl. Our granddaughter is now a special angel to us and she would love this tribute to her. Losing her was why I couldn’t grow for years. I just lost my umph back then. Now, I see our angel greeting other children, helping them to cross over. Those are my thoughts anyway. I have to believe there was a purpose in her death.
Sorry to … well, bring up sad things in here. But they are a part of life as we all know. I am in a much better place than I was, so I can talk about her now with less pain in my heart. All the things our son and d-i-law do in her name is just beautiful, as she was.
Back to my grow!
Hope all of you and your girls are healthy, happy, and GREEN!
I think that is such a wonderful thing for your son and daughter in law to do. It keeps your granddaughter’s spirit alive. It keeps the things that made her smile and giggle alive. I once heard or read you are only truly gone the last time your name is spoken. Talking about your granddaughter keeps her love and her spirit with you. Well I think it does.
I think there is beauty in grief. It’s the final demonstration of love in its rawest and purest form. It’s the ultimate price of love. That said I am so sorry you are grieving such a young love. And the fact you and your family grieves with such love and empathy makes my heart ache for you. I think the way your daughter and her man are driven to try and lessen the hurt of other children who are unwell and are suffering demonstrates as a matriarch, you did good. So well done on raising such an extraordinary daughter, who in turn was able to devote herself to her own extraordinary daughter. And my deepest condolences your time with her was so short.
I would love to plant a memory plant in your granddaughters honour if you feel comfortable with sharing her name. My garden is bloomimg with plants to remember people I never knew. From this forum I have a plant to honour Mr Krips dad’s whose memory plant lays in my Bee cemetery, Pennywise who lays in my herb garden, and Schnooks beloved son’s memory plant lays my front garden. I think of them as I water. I think of you, your love and the pain that goes with losing it in its human form.
Sending you a big fucking hug lady!
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- #467
Granny420
Well-Known Member
Thank you Carcass.Glad you made it back, granny- That had to be rough-
I can't even imagine...
My sympathies to you and the rest of the family
It’s been several years now, so we’ve had time to adjust. It has eased some, let’s say that. It’s just not something you ever get over. But we have 9 live grandchildren and we have to be present for them. And our family continues to grow with our third great grandchild on the way and our oldest grandson getting married later this month. I don’t think it will be long til a fourth is on the way! Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.Thank you GDB.What @Carcass said Granny.
I’m answering you above too, honey. Words can be awfully hard to truly say what one is feeling. You two said it wonderfully.Lovies from Granny
- Thread starter
- #468
Granny420
Well-Known Member
Oh my Sweet Trala, Gmum loves your heart.
For us, she left one note for me, saying she loves grandma on one side with hearts and decorated Jesus name and hearts on the other side. It is the perfect bookmarker size, so I laminated it and use it. She left another note for hubby and I both, saying she loves grandma and grampa, thanking us for being her GG. And a third note to our dog, saying how much she loves her. Mind you, this was when our dog was a pup, a complete wild child pup! Very few adults liked her cuz she was soooo excitable… but LOL cuz our granddaughter loved her enough to leave our dog her own note.
We’ve (our family) often asked ourselves how it could be that she wrote all these notes to so many in the family, and had such a deep belief and love for Jesus. On her headstone is an exact duplicate of a heart she drew with the words inside…
This is the back of her headstone.
WOW is right.
There, you have her name, dear Trala. Anna. I hesitate to give too much personal info for my own security here. But I’m going to to share our Anna with you.
Our beautiful Anna would love anything growing in her name. She loved flowers, butterflies, pinks n purples n yellows, even turquoise and black combos. She was very shy around a lot of ppl, but when she and her youngest bro came to GG’s (gramma n grampa) home, she was all giggles and laughter and screeches like only little girls can do. She loved all animals and she loved hunting sheds (shed deer antlers) with her dad. She is her momma and daddy’s only baby girl.
She had started t-ball that year and was pitcher (but they don’t pitch in t-ball) and she made many outs with her first baseman friend (but in t-ball they don’t call the kids out, they all get to hit and run). She had a great arm and aim, came from having two older bros! She was rough and tumble, and, girly pretty in pinks and dresses. She loved music and was learning to play the piano. Her eyes were like a mesmerizing sky (as a baby and on), her thick hair and eyelashes dark and beautiful. She helped me build the fence around my garden that last year. Such a beautiful child.
You said talk about her so you will know her. No problem here doing that!
You have a son, Trala. We have 3 sons. Anna’s father is our middle son. He drove truck for a farmer every day. She loved the rare occasion when she could go with him. She got up early that day to go to work with him. He was pulling a full load of corn. They called me on their route that day, my son happy and Anna giggling in the background. She loved it when dad would blow the horn. They were having a great day.
Forty-five minutes later, my hubby called and said Anna was dead. There had been an accident and Anna was dead. I found myself screaming NO! over and over. Hubby had to pick up our d-i-law and take her to where they crashed. I know he told me that, but I couldn’t stop screaming no. No. No. No. I called my dear friend, the gf I lost a few months ago. I screamed Anna was dead. It took a bit for my gf to understand me. Her granddaughter and Anna had just played together a couple weeks before that, doing cartwheels with each other. Hubby also had said our oldest son was on the way to get me to take me to the accident site too. As I rode with him, neither of us knew how my middle son, Anna’s dad, was. Hubby hadn’t said to either of us.
Vivid memories. The ambulance was there with Anna wrapped tightly in a white blanket from the neck down. I could see she had head trauma that caused swelling which I’m sure was part of what caused her death. My son and d-i-law both at her side, quiet. Stunned. In shock. Such hurt in their hearts. I sat with them for a time and then had to get out of that ambulance. Corn had been spewed everywhere around the crash site. Hubby, our other two sons and their wives all there. Our family. Changed forever.
We all followed the hearse from that site to the funeral home, a 45 minute ride. Our son and his wife rode with us. Our son said only one thing. I asked him how he was doing and he said, “I’m going to pick out a casket for my daughter, how do you think I’m doing?” Silence the rest of the way. Words useless.
That night, we all returned to the crash site. It was a clear blue sky with very clear jet trails forming a cross in it. Every vehicle driving there saw the same cross. Many of us stopped to take a picture. It stayed in the sky until after dark. Our son had made a large cross. He and Anna’s brothers dug the hole and placed it. It is still there today. I pull the weeds around it and decorate it every year, just in case our son and d-i-law ever return there. Strangers have placed stuffed animals there too, as well as some family leaving different trinkets. I just want it to be pretty for them, if they ever come back there. The first couple years, it was all corn, but since it’s just wild weeds.
Our middle son was bruised in the accident but his loss of his daughter and his vivid memories of that day were the real injuries. She didn’t die instantly and he tried so very hard to get a ton of metal off her. She was seat belted in, but in this case it was the worst place to be. My son now has the deepest of burdens placed on his heart. As his mom, that burden is also placed deep in my heart for him. Our family was changed in an instant. I wanted it to be me. Why wasn’t it me instead of Anna??? But there are no trade offs in death, even when we want that with all our soul. Yes, I’m still grieving her still. I always will be. But time has gradually eased my pain from what it was.
Our d-i-law with the sweetest, kindest, most loving heart, forever to bear this tragedy too. Our other two d-i-laws used to talk about this one, both of them choosing to put many work hours in weekly. They couldn’t understand how this d-i-law worked so little. I did. It was because this special d-i-law loved being MOM. She devoted her days to her children instead of a full time job. So many pics she took of her and Anna. So many treasured memories they shared. So hurt her heart will be forever. So undeserving. So beautiful her love for her family are. And both our other d-i-laws regret those feelings they had. They had to deal with their feelings too.
Our middle son and our d-i-law have a strong belief in God. It is the one thing that saved their marriage in the years since. They started an inspirational site in Anna’s name and make t-shirts, necklaces, and other things with pics and scriptures of those Anna drew. They go to various events on their weekends, selling these goods and speaking to others about Anna and her deep love for Jesus. They donate the money raised to different things, all relating to supporting children in need.
Anna would be driving, a teenager, dating, going to dances. We all think about what would have been. But we also bring ourselves back into NOW. God had other plans for Anna.
Why would an 8 year old little girl leave all the notes to others? Her oldest brother had grouched at Anna that morning, he wanted to get in the bathroom. She left him a note about how much she loved him, leaving him to know she loved him even when he yelled at her sometimes.
Holidays are not the same. I no longer have Christmas here. We didn’t even put up a Christmas tree until last year. Nowadays, we rent a cabin for the day, or motels where the kids can swim, game, or do other fun things. I bring a large pic of Anna that hangs on our wall and a candle to light for Anna. Since she passed, we have welcomed 2 more granddaughters into our family, one from each of our other sons. Our middle son and d-i-law play with them with such joy. But we all know their love has a cost too. I see that sadness creep into my d-i-laws eyes, and I hug her. That’s all I can do. I know we carry that burden with her, yet we are distant in the wave of loss she and our son feel.
I shared some of my deepest feelings here. In this, if it touched anyone’s heart to grow closer to Jesus, or God, or even just their family or loved ones… then I guess maybe there is a reason why we lost Anna and do speak about her when we can.
I don’t mean to push my beliefs on to anyone here. For me, Anna died in an accident, yet she wrote all these individual notes and scriptures in the months leading up to her death. She was only 8! Religion wasn’t pushed on her. Yes, they attended church and she loved going, but all those personal notes… even to our dog. All those notes and journals found afterwards. That is a clear sign to me of a miracle, to me that is Jesus and His Father, God helping us all to see. If only we could believe as children instead of as the often cynical adults we become.
I’m gonna stay a flower child all my life!!! So grateful to have all these hippie friends in here!!! Hope you all just take whatever good you can out of this message. I won’t be discussing this here again, but this helps all of you understand my heart just a bit deeper. My heart is always open to loving everyone for who they are! Hope your journeys are all blessed!
And Trala, a BIG fricking hug back atcha! I’m not the cussing sailor that you are, but I love exactly WHO you are. Gmum sees you and holds you tight in a hug as you read this. Now wipe those dang tears off and let’s get growing! Please show me Anna’s plant in the future!
I sure do agree. I didn’t bring her death up to sadden anyone, but to say what I was doing and how beautiful it is for my son and d-i-law to do in her honor. They started an Inspirational site in her name and in Jesus name. She was 8, but older than that in Spirit. She had scriptures written in more than one journal and doodled Jesus name numerous times on many things. She also left many notes for others. And I am going to open up about her for a bit here, and then keep those memories within me again.
For us, she left one note for me, saying she loves grandma on one side with hearts and decorated Jesus name and hearts on the other side. It is the perfect bookmarker size, so I laminated it and use it. She left another note for hubby and I both, saying she loves grandma and grampa, thanking us for being her GG. And a third note to our dog, saying how much she loves her. Mind you, this was when our dog was a pup, a complete wild child pup! Very few adults liked her cuz she was soooo excitable… but LOL cuz our granddaughter loved her enough to leave our dog her own note.
We’ve (our family) often asked ourselves how it could be that she wrote all these notes to so many in the family, and had such a deep belief and love for Jesus. On her headstone is an exact duplicate of a heart she drew with the words inside…
This is the back of her headstone.
WOW is right.
There, you have her name, dear Trala. Anna. I hesitate to give too much personal info for my own security here. But I’m going to to share our Anna with you.
Our beautiful Anna would love anything growing in her name. She loved flowers, butterflies, pinks n purples n yellows, even turquoise and black combos. She was very shy around a lot of ppl, but when she and her youngest bro came to GG’s (gramma n grampa) home, she was all giggles and laughter and screeches like only little girls can do. She loved all animals and she loved hunting sheds (shed deer antlers) with her dad. She is her momma and daddy’s only baby girl.
She had started t-ball that year and was pitcher (but they don’t pitch in t-ball) and she made many outs with her first baseman friend (but in t-ball they don’t call the kids out, they all get to hit and run). She had a great arm and aim, came from having two older bros! She was rough and tumble, and, girly pretty in pinks and dresses. She loved music and was learning to play the piano. Her eyes were like a mesmerizing sky (as a baby and on), her thick hair and eyelashes dark and beautiful. She helped me build the fence around my garden that last year. Such a beautiful child.
You said talk about her so you will know her. No problem here doing that!
You have a son, Trala. We have 3 sons. Anna’s father is our middle son. He drove truck for a farmer every day. She loved the rare occasion when she could go with him. She got up early that day to go to work with him. He was pulling a full load of corn. They called me on their route that day, my son happy and Anna giggling in the background. She loved it when dad would blow the horn. They were having a great day.
Forty-five minutes later, my hubby called and said Anna was dead. There had been an accident and Anna was dead. I found myself screaming NO! over and over. Hubby had to pick up our d-i-law and take her to where they crashed. I know he told me that, but I couldn’t stop screaming no. No. No. No. I called my dear friend, the gf I lost a few months ago. I screamed Anna was dead. It took a bit for my gf to understand me. Her granddaughter and Anna had just played together a couple weeks before that, doing cartwheels with each other. Hubby also had said our oldest son was on the way to get me to take me to the accident site too. As I rode with him, neither of us knew how my middle son, Anna’s dad, was. Hubby hadn’t said to either of us.
Vivid memories. The ambulance was there with Anna wrapped tightly in a white blanket from the neck down. I could see she had head trauma that caused swelling which I’m sure was part of what caused her death. My son and d-i-law both at her side, quiet. Stunned. In shock. Such hurt in their hearts. I sat with them for a time and then had to get out of that ambulance. Corn had been spewed everywhere around the crash site. Hubby, our other two sons and their wives all there. Our family. Changed forever.
We all followed the hearse from that site to the funeral home, a 45 minute ride. Our son and his wife rode with us. Our son said only one thing. I asked him how he was doing and he said, “I’m going to pick out a casket for my daughter, how do you think I’m doing?” Silence the rest of the way. Words useless.
That night, we all returned to the crash site. It was a clear blue sky with very clear jet trails forming a cross in it. Every vehicle driving there saw the same cross. Many of us stopped to take a picture. It stayed in the sky until after dark. Our son had made a large cross. He and Anna’s brothers dug the hole and placed it. It is still there today. I pull the weeds around it and decorate it every year, just in case our son and d-i-law ever return there. Strangers have placed stuffed animals there too, as well as some family leaving different trinkets. I just want it to be pretty for them, if they ever come back there. The first couple years, it was all corn, but since it’s just wild weeds.
Our middle son was bruised in the accident but his loss of his daughter and his vivid memories of that day were the real injuries. She didn’t die instantly and he tried so very hard to get a ton of metal off her. She was seat belted in, but in this case it was the worst place to be. My son now has the deepest of burdens placed on his heart. As his mom, that burden is also placed deep in my heart for him. Our family was changed in an instant. I wanted it to be me. Why wasn’t it me instead of Anna??? But there are no trade offs in death, even when we want that with all our soul. Yes, I’m still grieving her still. I always will be. But time has gradually eased my pain from what it was.
Our d-i-law with the sweetest, kindest, most loving heart, forever to bear this tragedy too. Our other two d-i-laws used to talk about this one, both of them choosing to put many work hours in weekly. They couldn’t understand how this d-i-law worked so little. I did. It was because this special d-i-law loved being MOM. She devoted her days to her children instead of a full time job. So many pics she took of her and Anna. So many treasured memories they shared. So hurt her heart will be forever. So undeserving. So beautiful her love for her family are. And both our other d-i-laws regret those feelings they had. They had to deal with their feelings too.
Our middle son and our d-i-law have a strong belief in God. It is the one thing that saved their marriage in the years since. They started an inspirational site in Anna’s name and make t-shirts, necklaces, and other things with pics and scriptures of those Anna drew. They go to various events on their weekends, selling these goods and speaking to others about Anna and her deep love for Jesus. They donate the money raised to different things, all relating to supporting children in need.
Anna would be driving, a teenager, dating, going to dances. We all think about what would have been. But we also bring ourselves back into NOW. God had other plans for Anna.
Why would an 8 year old little girl leave all the notes to others? Her oldest brother had grouched at Anna that morning, he wanted to get in the bathroom. She left him a note about how much she loved him, leaving him to know she loved him even when he yelled at her sometimes.
Holidays are not the same. I no longer have Christmas here. We didn’t even put up a Christmas tree until last year. Nowadays, we rent a cabin for the day, or motels where the kids can swim, game, or do other fun things. I bring a large pic of Anna that hangs on our wall and a candle to light for Anna. Since she passed, we have welcomed 2 more granddaughters into our family, one from each of our other sons. Our middle son and d-i-law play with them with such joy. But we all know their love has a cost too. I see that sadness creep into my d-i-laws eyes, and I hug her. That’s all I can do. I know we carry that burden with her, yet we are distant in the wave of loss she and our son feel.
I shared some of my deepest feelings here. In this, if it touched anyone’s heart to grow closer to Jesus, or God, or even just their family or loved ones… then I guess maybe there is a reason why we lost Anna and do speak about her when we can.
Out of everything you said, sweet Trala, above is such a tribute to love. Love opens your heart to the risk of grief in losing those whom we love. But what is life without love? IMHO, nothing. I’m built to love, as you are too dear Trala. Gmum sees you, and you have a sweet sweet soul.
Anna would love this and so do I. Don’t be surprised if you see butterflies playing in the breeze near her plant. I always think of her and her deep love of Jesus when the butterflies play on our farm, especially in my garden. And I do think of Anna helping kids to crossover into Heaven, making a frightening experience into a soothing loving feeling. It would be the job Jesus would know she could do. She’s probably helped a million pets by now too!
I don’t mean to push my beliefs on to anyone here. For me, Anna died in an accident, yet she wrote all these individual notes and scriptures in the months leading up to her death. She was only 8! Religion wasn’t pushed on her. Yes, they attended church and she loved going, but all those personal notes… even to our dog. All those notes and journals found afterwards. That is a clear sign to me of a miracle, to me that is Jesus and His Father, God helping us all to see. If only we could believe as children instead of as the often cynical adults we become.
I’m gonna stay a flower child all my life!!! So grateful to have all these hippie friends in here!!! Hope you all just take whatever good you can out of this message. I won’t be discussing this here again, but this helps all of you understand my heart just a bit deeper. My heart is always open to loving everyone for who they are! Hope your journeys are all blessed!
And Trala, a BIG fricking hug back atcha! I’m not the cussing sailor that you are, but I love exactly WHO you are. Gmum sees you and holds you tight in a hug as you read this. Now wipe those dang tears off and let’s get growing! Please show me Anna’s plant in the future!
You have such a Beautiful Heart! I am Happy you... Lotsa Stuff!
Anna sounds so very, very special Granny. May she rest in eternal peace.
Anna.Oh my Sweet Trala, Gmum loves your heart.
I sure do agree. I didn’t bring her death up to sadden anyone, but to say what I was doing and how beautiful it is for my son and d-i-law to do in her honor. They started an Inspirational site in her name and in Jesus name. She was 8, but older than that in Spirit. She had scriptures written in more than one journal and doodled Jesus name numerous times on many things. She also left many notes for others. And I am going to open up about her for a bit here, and then keep those memories within me again.
For us, she left one note for me, saying she loves grandma on one side with hearts and decorated Jesus name and hearts on the other side. It is the perfect bookmarker size, so I laminated it and use it. She left another note for hubby and I both, saying she loves grandma and grampa, thanking us for being her GG. And a third note to our dog, saying how much she loves her. Mind you, this was when our dog was a pup, a complete wild child pup! Very few adults liked her cuz she was soooo excitable… but LOL cuz our granddaughter loved her enough to leave our dog her own note.
We’ve (our family) often asked ourselves how it could be that she wrote all these notes to so many in the family, and had such a deep belief and love for Jesus. On her headstone is an exact duplicate of a heart she drew with the words inside…
This is the back of her headstone.
WOW is right.
There, you have her name, dear Trala. Anna. I hesitate to give too much personal info for my own security here. But I’m going to to share our Anna with you.
Our beautiful Anna would love anything growing in her name. She loved flowers, butterflies, pinks n purples n yellows, even turquoise and black combos. She was very shy around a lot of ppl, but when she and her youngest bro came to GG’s (gramma n grampa) home, she was all giggles and laughter and screeches like only little girls can do. She loved all animals and she loved hunting sheds (shed deer antlers) with her dad. She is her momma and daddy’s only baby girl.
She had started t-ball that year and was pitcher (but they don’t pitch in t-ball) and she made many outs with her first baseman friend (but in t-ball they don’t call the kids out, they all get to hit and run). She had a great arm and aim, came from having two older bros! She was rough and tumble, and, girly pretty in pinks and dresses. She loved music and was learning to play the piano. Her eyes were like a mesmerizing sky (as a baby and on), her thick hair and eyelashes dark and beautiful. She helped me build the fence around my garden that last year. Such a beautiful child.
You said talk about her so you will know her. No problem here doing that!
You have a son, Trala. We have 3 sons. Anna’s father is our middle son. He drove truck for a farmer every day. She loved the rare occasion when she could go with him. She got up early that day to go to work with him. He was pulling a full load of corn. They called me on their route that day, my son happy and Anna giggling in the background. She loved it when dad would blow the horn. They were having a great day.
Forty-five minutes later, my hubby called and said Anna was dead. There had been an accident and Anna was dead. I found myself screaming NO! over and over. Hubby had to pick up our d-i-law and take her to where they crashed. I know he told me that, but I couldn’t stop screaming no. No. No. No. I called my dear friend, the gf I lost a few months ago. I screamed Anna was dead. It took a bit for my gf to understand me. Her granddaughter and Anna had just played together a couple weeks before that, doing cartwheels with each other. Hubby also had said our oldest son was on the way to get me to take me to the accident site too. As I rode with him, neither of us knew how my middle son, Anna’s dad, was. Hubby hadn’t said to either of us.
Vivid memories. The ambulance was there with Anna wrapped tightly in a white blanket from the neck down. I could see she had head trauma that caused swelling which I’m sure was part of what caused her death. My son and d-i-law both at her side, quiet. Stunned. In shock. Such hurt in their hearts. I sat with them for a time and then had to get out of that ambulance. Corn had been spewed everywhere around the crash site. Hubby, our other two sons and their wives all there. Our family. Changed forever.
We all followed the hearse from that site to the funeral home, a 45 minute ride. Our son and his wife rode with us. Our son said only one thing. I asked him how he was doing and he said, “I’m going to pick out a casket for my daughter, how do you think I’m doing?” Silence the rest of the way. Words useless.
That night, we all returned to the crash site. It was a clear blue sky with very clear jet trails forming a cross in it. Every vehicle driving there saw the same cross. Many of us stopped to take a picture. It stayed in the sky until after dark. Our son had made a large cross. He and Anna’s brothers dug the hole and placed it. It is still there today. I pull the weeds around it and decorate it every year, just in case our son and d-i-law ever return there. Strangers have placed stuffed animals there too, as well as some family leaving different trinkets. I just want it to be pretty for them, if they ever come back there. The first couple years, it was all corn, but since it’s just wild weeds.
Our middle son was bruised in the accident but his loss of his daughter and his vivid memories of that day were the real injuries. She didn’t die instantly and he tried so very hard to get a ton of metal off her. She was seat belted in, but in this case it was the worst place to be. My son now has the deepest of burdens placed on his heart. As his mom, that burden is also placed deep in my heart for him. Our family was changed in an instant. I wanted it to be me. Why wasn’t it me instead of Anna??? But there are no trade offs in death, even when we want that with all our soul. Yes, I’m still grieving her still. I always will be. But time has gradually eased my pain from what it was.
Our d-i-law with the sweetest, kindest, most loving heart, forever to bear this tragedy too. Our other two d-i-laws used to talk about this one, both of them choosing to put many work hours in weekly. They couldn’t understand how this d-i-law worked so little. I did. It was because this special d-i-law loved being MOM. She devoted her days to her children instead of a full time job. So many pics she took of her and Anna. So many treasured memories they shared. So hurt her heart will be forever. So undeserving. So beautiful her love for her family are. And both our other d-i-laws regret those feelings they had. They had to deal with their feelings too.
Our middle son and our d-i-law have a strong belief in God. It is the one thing that saved their marriage in the years since. They started an inspirational site in Anna’s name and make t-shirts, necklaces, and other things with pics and scriptures of those Anna drew. They go to various events on their weekends, selling these goods and speaking to others about Anna and her deep love for Jesus. They donate the money raised to different things, all relating to supporting children in need.
Anna would be driving, a teenager, dating, going to dances. We all think about what would have been. But we also bring ourselves back into NOW. God had other plans for Anna.
Why would an 8 year old little girl leave all the notes to others? Her oldest brother had grouched at Anna that morning, he wanted to get in the bathroom. She left him a note about how much she loved him, leaving him to know she loved him even when he yelled at her sometimes.
Holidays are not the same. I no longer have Christmas here. We didn’t even put up a Christmas tree until last year. Nowadays, we rent a cabin for the day, or motels where the kids can swim, game, or do other fun things. I bring a large pic of Anna that hangs on our wall and a candle to light for Anna. Since she passed, we have welcomed 2 more granddaughters into our family, one from each of our other sons. Our middle son and d-i-law play with them with such joy. But we all know their love has a cost too. I see that sadness creep into my d-i-laws eyes, and I hug her. That’s all I can do. I know we carry that burden with her, yet we are distant in the wave of loss she and our son feel.
I shared some of my deepest feelings here. In this, if it touched anyone’s heart to grow closer to Jesus, or God, or even just their family or loved ones… then I guess maybe there is a reason why we lost Anna and do speak about her when we can.
Out of everything you said, sweet Trala, above is such a tribute to love. Love opens your heart to the risk of grief in losing those whom we love. But what is life without love? IMHO, nothing. I’m built to love, as you are too dear Trala. Gmum sees you, and you have a sweet sweet soul.
Anna would love this and so do I. Don’t be surprised if you see butterflies playing in the breeze near her plant. I always think of her and her deep love of Jesus when the butterflies play on our farm, especially in my garden. And I do think of Anna helping kids to crossover into Heaven, making a frightening experience into a soothing loving feeling. It would be the job Jesus would know she could do. She’s probably helped a million pets by now too!
I don’t mean to push my beliefs on to anyone here. For me, Anna died in an accident, yet she wrote all these individual notes and scriptures in the months leading up to her death. She was only 8! Religion wasn’t pushed on her. Yes, they attended church and she loved going, but all those personal notes… even to our dog. All those notes and journals found afterwards. That is a clear sign to me of a miracle, to me that is Jesus and His Father, God helping us all to see. If only we could believe as children instead of as the often cynical adults we become.
I’m gonna stay a flower child all my life!!! So grateful to have all these hippie friends in here!!! Hope you all just take whatever good you can out of this message. I won’t be discussing this here again, but this helps all of you understand my heart just a bit deeper. My heart is always open to loving everyone for who they are! Hope your journeys are all blessed!
And Trala, a BIG fricking hug back atcha! I’m not the cussing sailor that you are, but I love exactly WHO you are. Gmum sees you and holds you tight in a hug as you read this. Now wipe those dang tears off and let’s get growing! Please show me Anna’s plant in the future!
What a beautiful name.
I’ve only ever known one Anna and it’s a song called Anna Begins. It’s legit one of my favourite songs, I’ve posted it here a few times when I’m melancholy and I listen to it often. I just never had a true person for the song. Granny from this day till the last time I hear it I will think of you, your family and your beautiful Anna.
I’m so grateful you have room in your heart for a cussing lady sailor coz I have room in my heart for a lady hippy Jesus lover.
Have the best day Xo
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- #472
Granny420
Well-Known Member
Hey MedScientist!You have such a Beautiful Heart! I am Happy you... Lotsa Stuff!
Happy…Lotsa stuff, back at you, honey!No words needed, just love!
Hey GDB!Anna sounds so very, very special Granny. May she rest in eternal peace.
If anyone rests in eternal peace, it’s our Anna.Thank you, dear man.
Good morning Trala Bee!
Thank you for the song tribute and for all your future Anna thoughts.
You also brought us back to better, fun thoughts by loving this lady hippie Jesus lover!
What a wonderful place 420 is when it let you and I become such loving friends!!!
But actually, we have so much in common, don’t we! This weed, for one. Nursing for another. Outspoken for a third. And kind hearts. Both have sons. Gees, I bet we find a lot more as time goes on! I’m sure looking forward to that!!!
And thank you to my remaining friends in here who didn’t respond with any words. I swear I feel a lot more “stuff” from you, too… many of you. Thank you. No words is also love.
Now, back to my purpose here! My new cube tent arrived last night!!!
So now I get to spend time getting it set up and adding girls to it! My goodness they will be happy!
But it’s going to take me a minute or two (days) cuz I’m just awfully slow moving and have to take so many breaks due to my COPD and back… but I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!!! My girls have started to flower! Looking like a happy New Year when they will finish!
See you all with pics when it’s done!!!
Lovies!
I knew you would understand!Hey MedScientist!
No words needed, just love!
Things are falling into place!Now, back to my purpose here! My new cube tent arrived last night!!!
So now I get to spend time getting it set up and adding girls to it! My goodness they will be happy!
But it’s going to take me a minute or two (days) cuz I’m just awfully slow moving and have to take so many breaks due to my COPD and back… but I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!!! My girls have started to flower! Looking like a happy New Year when they will finish!
See you all with pics when it’s done!!!
Lovies!
Hi Granny! How are things going? If you are like some of the rest of us, getting ready for Holidays is taking up time...and funds. 
Check in when you can, we miss ya.
Check in when you can, we miss ya.
Good morning Granny hope you are having a great day today.
I imagine it's looking a bit like "Little Shop of Horrors" over there?
Message to the plants and Fans:
Please don't eat Granny420!
Message to the plants and Fans:
Please don't eat Granny420!
Thinkin' about ya! Be safe Granny.
That is in my top five all time favorite movies.I imagine it's looking a bit like "Little Shop of Horrors" over there?
Message to the plants and Fans:
Please don't eat Granny420!
I'm a mean green mother from outer space....and I'm bad! 