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CBDMed
Well-Known Member
Why the constant need to reinvent the wheel?
EDIT: what follows is a raw autistic rant because I am feeling pressured, and am completely out of time. I have no time to polish it. I have to move quickly today. Sorry for the rant. I am leaving it up because I value the relationships, and autistic people have a hard time communicating (by definition). So I hope you can read what follows with patience. I appreciate you all. Maybe later I will know how to summarize it, but right now I do not know. Love you all.
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Azi, I love you man, but do we want exactly the same things here?
Or do we want RELATED and SIMILAR but slightly different things?
NOTE: I am autistic, and communication is by definition difficult.
I love and appreciate you very much, but this is TOTALLY getting on my nerves.
I am trying very hard here to communicate. I hope I am choosing the right words.
By definition, communications is hard for autistic people, and I feel pushed (which does not help).
I ask because it sounds like Shed wants to grow with MC in soil.
It sounds like you want to grow with easily gatherable things you can find or make or grow around your house without spending money, although this time you sprang for GF (not sure why).
What I want is to get to my farm some day, and learn how to doctor up the soil nute by nute with things I can grow on the farm, or find on the market here in Colombia, so I can eventually grow sustainable in ground.
However, (for more than the dozenth time) unless GF or HydroFarm open a Colombia distributorship, it will NOT be GF grows, because (as I have explained way too many times now), the shipping basically triples or quadruples the price of the product, and I cannot afford it.
As I have explained many, many times now, I have been trying to find other combinations that work, and are organic, that I can afford here in Colombia. I am so sorry I do not seem to be doing a good job of communications! (But what else is new in my life?)
Subcool supersoil is the most affordable option, so as I have said many times now, that will probably be my new standard.
Terp Tea is another affordable option, mostly because Aurora continues to ship (even after they got bought out by HydroFarm, which does NOT ship). So on the next run (which will be Supersoil), I may *experiment with adding a little Terp Tea (although I am sure I will come under criticism for that also).
The reason I am using GF right now is because when I was having so much trouble with the salted soil maybe two years ago (back when I still had money), I thought I would pay through the nose for ONE standard GF grow, just to see what it was like.
Then because I had to trash the salted supersoil, I needed something to grow with this one time, so I thought I would break out the GeoFlora. Only, because people were saying urine was good for N, I did not buy enough Veg. And the rest of the history you know already (but you continue to bring it up).
PERSPECTIVE:
Probably other people do not have autism, and so (by definition) other people do not have the same social and communications challenges, and thus they probably have different reactions to the (excellent) 420 Forum.
Only, what do I need to do, to NOT need to keep explaining and apologizing the exact same words REPEATEDLY around here for every single last thing I do on this grow, when we already know it is a patchwork-quilt from the get-go?
My ego is NOT at stake if this GF grow is perfect. My ego is at stake if I get greenbud this time (rather than brownbud, like last time).
So far, even with all of the make-shift hoop-jumps and everything I have had to do, this is by far the best looking grow I have had, so I fail to understand the panic that the residues might go somewhere else.
I have explained the problems with the supply chain at least a dozen times now, and I am utterly exhausted by it (to the point where I am thinking about looking for a different forum that understands that my ultimate goal is to grow in ground, and that as such, SIPs themselves are an artificial environment for me).
Maybe a normal person would respond differently? Probably. Normal people always seem to know how to handle these kinds of situations, and communicate without being exhausted by being hit with the same questions 12+ times, although each time it takes at least an hour or two to answer??? (But while I appreciate VERY much your and Shed's intentions to help, I am very exhausted by the repetition.)
I am SO sorry if I am not explaining well! (You will not be the first.)
So, help me out here.
I have explained my concerns about not having room in the top of the SIPs for the residues maybe a dozen times now, and about the fungus gnats, and that it will be 3+ weeks before my Mosquito Dunks are here, and 4+ weeks before I have a solution to the gnats--and by that time, the grow is almost over.
So, the net upshot is that I will have fungus gnats inside the house for maybe a month (and I thought the idea was to get RID of the bugs????)?
Shed says (paraphrase) "do not let what is perfect ruin what is good".
Ok, but I believe I have a GOOD, SOLID, FUNCTIONING plan to AVOID fungus gnats inside my grow room, even though I will probbaly not have the Mosquito Dunks for another 3 weeks.
To me, with my autism and my particular challenges, it just seems a BOATLOAD easier to put the solids outside, where there will not be gnats--and then I can hit the buckets with mushroom compost, Recharge and molasses next week (in the off week), and then monitor for deficiencies.
I understand that this varies from the manufacturer's specific directions, but the manufacturer's specific directions do NOT say how to run in a SIP, and they do NOT say how much room to leave on top!
I am sorry, I appreciate you and Shed VERY much! Only, I just do not have the same desire to follow directions to the T, to avoid issues.
Rather, for me, what I need is to learn what is going on, and which inputs to manipulate, while at the same time getting green-bud. I am so sorry that I am seemingly not-able to communicate that.
Yes, it is a patchwork-quilt grow. But so far I am happy with it, because it is green. And some of the plants are working on frost, thanks to you, and Shed , and Bill , and SmokingWings , and bluter , and everyone.
Only, GF is crazy expensive to import.
I can hypothetically jump through hoops and deal with fungus gnats for a month , and take pictures of the soil level vis-a-vis the need to cork, etc. etc., etc., but it will not really matter, because unless HydroFarm or GF open a franchise here in Colombia, I will probably NEVER EVER EVER buy GF again as long as I live, not because it is not fabulous (because it is), but because as I have said wayyyy too many times now, I CANNOT AFFORD THE SHIPPING!
PLEASE can you understand, I cannot afford the shipping, so I will not use GF again here?
So at least in my own mind, there is NO BENEFIT to "getting the first run right", so I can experiment with future GF runs (because there WILL NOT BE any future GF runs)!
How do I communicate these things clearly?
What do I say, to communicate things in a simple way?
Geoflora has been used successfully by many using the standard instructions. All you are doing with your various changes is introducing new variables with unknown impact that may create other problems that have to be chased down and resolved.
How can I make myself understood?
Azi, what do I do about the fungus gnats inside my house for a month????I'm with Shed. Topdress the Geoflora per the instructions, water them in gently (maybe by misting) and then water as usual down the fill pipe.
Azi, do you have anyone in your life that you love, who helps you, and whose help you are glad for--but you say the same things over and over and over to him (or her), and he (or she, inclusive) says they understand what you are saying, but it is like they did not hear you, because you have to say the same things over and over and over again, trying gently not to lose the relationship, but only to lose the beleaguered feeling??Once you get it running successfully, experiment to your hearts content.
I'm all for experimenting and do it all the time, but I try to do things the recommended way first so I have a baseline to compare the impact of whatever changes I make.
Azi, I love you man, and thank you so much for all of the help!!
However, as I have explained maybe a dozen or more times already, I CANNOT AFFORD THE RESHIPPING, so unless GF or HydroFarm open a distributorship here, THERE WILL NOT BE another GF run here, because I CAN NOT AFFORD THE SHIPPING!
How can I make myself understood????
HOW can I clarify????
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!
Autistic people have a hard time communicating, especially when there is pressure!
I do NOT care how this patchwork grow turns out, as long as it is green! (It is already far surpassing my expectations.)
I will NEVER use GF again here, unless it becomes affordable.
I do NOT have access to Mosquito Dunks for another 3 weeks!
I do NOT want fungus gnats in my house!
My ego is NOT at stake in maximizing this GF grow.
My ego IS very much at stake in learning how to manipulate individual organic and non-organic inputs long term (for if we ever get money to move onto the property).
My ego is NOT at stake with regards to growing contests.
My ego IS at stake in learning how to "farmer Juan" my own in-ground cannabis with mostly stuff we can grow on the farm, and some purchased chemical inputs.
I love SIPs, but I do NOT see them as my ultimate end-growing environment (although it could happen, because they are awesome).
I love Shed's SWICK design.
I love Azi's banana EWC tea. (I have not tried the fish elixirs yet.)
I love the 420 forum.
I want to thank you all for helping me learn how to grow my own medicine.
When autistic people feel pressured, the insinct is to withdraw, and go somewhere else.
I need to be able to experiment. It is probably an autism thing. I was voted "most scientific" in my high school graduating class, probably because I do not have many of the same coping or defense mechanisms that normal people have.
Also I had a head injury with a complete change of personality, and I do not have many of the same coping or defense mechanisms that normal people have.
I should probably re-write this letter, but I do not have time.
PLEASE believe me when I tell you that I feel beleaguered on this topic, and that I need relief, or I will have to find a different forum.
I have been writing for two hours now, and I am frustrated and upset.
I have to go feed my plants now.
I am sure this is not a "normal" response--it is an autistic response from an autistic person who feels pressured, and who does not know how to handle it.
PLEASE stop pushing me to follow the instructions exactly! I understand that troubleshooting can be very difficult when the environmental variables are always changing, but as I have already explained many, many, many times now, I already know that this run is experimental, and I am ok with it!
Thank you all again very very much for your help!
I am sorry, but I have to go now. We have huge project deadlines today by 4 PM, and I cannot be late, and I just spent the last 2-1/2 hours writing, because I value the relationship, and I seemingly do not know how to communicate.
I am VERY SORRY to have to leave it here for now, but I really need to go. I hope you will understand my blather.
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and that your best grows are all ahead of you.
Much love,