420 Magazine's Member of the Month: June 2015

[SweetSue]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

I think we have a winner!

I had to stop once I crossed the street because I was laughing so hard Dan. Reps.

 

[SweetSue]

An elderly man in poor health goes with his wife to see his physician. After the exam the doctor asks the husband to sit in the waiting room so he can talk to his wife in private. He then goes on to explain to her the magnitude of her husband's health challenges, with the need for her to take on full domestic and caregiving responsibilities so he can continue to live longer.

She thanks him for his candor and goes out to retrieve her spouse.

" What did the doctor have to say?" he asked as they left the office.

She stopped, turned to look him in the eye and answered "You're going to die."

 

[Fuzzy Duck]

Thanks all for the chuckles 'n' laughter

 

[CareStaker]

 

[SweetSue]

My all-time favorite blonde joke:

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

 

[Fuzzy Duck]

My all-time favorite blonde joke:

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

lol that was funny...

It reminds me of when i was much younger & worked on or at horse stables !

Their was always a running joke about falling off the horse's & on one riding lesson towards the end the horse i was riding was cracked on the arse by a whip... much to my surprise i rode out a bucking stead but on dismounting my foot got stuck in the stirrup & was dragged around the arena much to the enjoyment of my instructor


Honestly i'm not blonde... but thanks for a blast from the the past with sharing the joke & a distant memory

 

[Weaselcracker]

Ha ha. You look blonde in your avatar. That's not really you?

 

[Fuzzy Duck]

Ha ha. You look blonde in your avatar. That's not really you?

Fuzzy ducklings appear golden or almost blonde in their youth, perhaps i'm having i mid life thing here in representing myself with such an icon ?

It was carefully selected, the flag on my chest suggests my national orientation & my name is from a drinking game to which a play of words could be formed from !


Mmm i'm not going to offer any further insight on that but would rather leave that for people to ponder over !



How ever i'm dark brown in hair colour with a touch off the ol silver fox, i may say the badger with streaks of grey/silver on my temple sides, my hair line is resending & the turf of my widows peak shows grey/silver kind of gives me a classic badger feeling...

Kind of gives a hint i ain't no young pup

 

[Lady Cannafan]

 

[SweetSue]

Fuzzy ducklings appear golden or almost blonde in their youth, perhaps i'm having i mid life thing here in representing myself with such an icon ?

It was carefully selected, the flag on my chest suggests my national orientation & my name is from a drinking game to which a play of words could be formed from !


Mmm i'm not going to offer any further insight on that but would rather leave that for people to ponder over !



How ever i'm dark brown in hair colour with a touch off the ol silver fox, i may say the badger with streaks of grey/silver on my temple sides, my hair line is resending & the turf of my widows peak shows grey/silver kind of gives me a classic badger feeling...

Kind of gives a hint i ain't no young pup

Mmmmmm young pups are overrated, unless you're a young girl. Perspective.

 

[Weaselcracker]

Overrated by themselves mainly

 

[uptheholler2]

An elderly couple were sitting in church one Sunday. The wife gets a strange look in her face and writes on her church program, " Honey, I just let out the longest silent fart . What should I do ?" Her husband wrote back , " When we get home, change your hearing aid battery!"

 

[Bearswhowalk]

a man is walking down the street and sees this sign a windowless building lose 20 lbs $10.00 so he goes in and asks the woman behind the counter about it and she takes him to a room and there sits a beautiful naked woman with a sign around her neck that says catch me fuck me and she starts running around the room and try as he might he just doesnt catch her but when he leaves he weighs himself and sees he did loose 20 lbs so the next day he goes back and the woman tells him we have a deal loose 40 lbs for 20.00 he says ok and goes in the room and the wpman in there is even more beautiful but try as he might he doesn't catch her . The next day he goes back and gets the loose 100 lbs for 50 dollars this time the woman takes him to a differant room and he goes in and the door locks behind him on the other side of the room is another door and in walks this big gorrilla with a sign around his next i catch you i fuck you ......

 

[SweetSue]

These are great. Fuzzy, this was the best idea. I'm sitting here in hospice reading them to Dale and we are laughing like crazy people. Not what one expects in a hospice.

Thank you all.

 

[Bearswhowalk]

love to you and dale and laughter is the best medicine ( well next to green meds)

 

[SweetSue]

love to you and dale and laughter is the best medicine ( well next to green meds)

He can't get green meds here, but they have him on some serious happy meds that eliminate pain but don't put him in a fog. All good things.

Thanks Bear. We're fine.

 

[CronicHempHog]

 

[Richard Richardson]

Here are the nominees for Member of the Month - June 2015

​

@NuttyProfessor is a passionate grower who helps others in a very positive manner, freely sharing his experiences and innovative methods with our community.

@Fuzzy Duck is very present in FAQs, willingly offering his thoughts and experience on a range of subjects. Always friendly and polite, he helps members with kindness and objectivity.

@CajunCelt has been having amazing grows and helps out where he can with advice on cloning, making concentrated cannabis oil and using it to battle cancer. He is an awesome person to communicate with and learn from.

@MassMedMan is an active and level headed gardener. Neutral and open minded in his approach to all aspects of growing, he enjoys helping and learning from other members.

@uptheholler2 has a wealth of old school growing wisdom that he willingly and articulately communicates with all who visit The Mountain on their quest for help or advice.

@Light Addict regularly welcomes new members and his plant training tutorials have proven extremely helpful to many. His friendly and patient manner is appreciated by all who turn to him for guidance.

 

[SweetSue]

Thank you Rico. Tough choices again, as always, eh? My best wishes to the nominees. You all deserve the title, which makes this such an honor in the end. Now, how do I choose between them?

 

[Pigeons420]

Couldn't have picked a better group myself!

Good luck folks you're all deserving of the title!