I guess everyone is different. My brother's OL has daughters, a little age spread but only 2-4 years between each. One day the <COUGH> sperm-donor decided he wanted more visitation/custody. The oldest... Well, she pretty much didn't care, because she was already partying... in ways that would be against the forum
guidelines to discuss, and figured she'd continue to do so regardless of what her technical address was. But the middle one said, "I'm staying right here as much as possible." (And then she added, "Unless you two break up - then I'm going with <TS' brother>," lol - which really made him feel good.) The youngest was of the same opinion, but she didn't put it quite so bluntly.
I've never been blessed with kids (ex-wife was unable to bear children and I've never considered myself financially able to raise even one to age 18 (plus college) - so, not wishing to make "collecting welfare" the family business, I've just kept in mind where they come from and
taken steps, lol). Plus, well... the only other woman I would have actively chosen to be the mother of my kids has some pretty extreme mental issues (schizophrenia and manic bipolar, plus some "little" things) - and, while the
love would have been there... I've walked into the kitchen the next morning to find the baloney stuck in the breadbox and the bread sitting in the refrigerator (with the door open :rolleyes3 , so I suppose placement didn't really matter). And things were such that, as episodes go, that one wasn't even worth
mentioning to her; I just dumped all the food in the trash and dealt with it. So most anything I could add to this particular conversation would be based on the hypothetical and observation of others. Although when I was a teenager, I was living with a woman 11 years older than I - and when I split, I realized that I'd stayed around a while longer than I would have otherwise because her boy and girl looked at me as Dad. But that doesn't even get a man visitation rights.
However, in terms of observations: I hope y'all manage to keep a healthy relationship with your children. The boys, too, of course. But the women I've known that came from broken homes, IDK. About a quarter to a third of them ended up working in strip clubs (et cetera), half or more had substance-abuse issues, and most of them were looking for a father figure when they picked their, err, mates. Worse, the relationships never seemed to last; they wanted "Dad" ... so they could
punish him. Most generally, this was not a conscious thing - which turned an issue into a
problem. As icing on that cake, they seemed to know unconsciously that this made them awfully hard on boyfriends/spouses (pretty much ruining a few)... so they started picking worse and worse choices. I guess somewhere inside, they realized what they were doing to the guys and (probably not consciously) decided to pick ones deserving(?) of the treatment. And that meant that they ended up taking a lot of punishment, too. And... IDK. I really like kids, too. But in spite of this fact - or perhaps
because of it - I think that some people ought to learn what causes the critters and, if they cannot consistently use temporary prevention measures, go get themselves "fixed" (FFS!). Because it has been my observation that the second- (and third-)generation "from a broken homes,"
on average, don't tend to fare any better. There are (+/-)kids running around that seem to think such situations are
normal.
It's a f*cked-up world, y'all. Take of what ya got - and what you've produced....
Cheers everyone! put a smile on ....someone will smile back at ya!
