Just an update on the events of yesterday and the evening before.
My wife asked last night if she, "could take everythign back." Meaning, could she pretend she'd never told me it was over. I told her YES.
You may all be wondering why.
My wife lives with very debilitating depression, depression which controls her every movement, her every action, her every word. I've never seen anyone with such depression in my life, and I've seen a lot of depressions in my lifetime. She is ruled by it. And she's been without her antidepressant medication for over one and a half weeks now. Long enough for her depression to have taken root in her mind and soul again.
I think this is what happened to bolster the events of the past few days, actually. Though it's not like her to come out of the blue and announce the end of our marriage like that, if she's caught in the throes of depression, it would be like her. And so I think that is what happened.
I think, to be honest, that it was the depression talking when she said she wanted to end it. That's why it hurst so much, because it was so out of left field. So shocking, and I hadn't seen it coming, completely sidewinded. It was the shocking way it was done that did me in. That hurt me so badly.But I don't like being on a pity pot...
Today it became clear to me that it was the depression talking. Just the sheer shocking-ness of the situation. The out of left field itiveness of it (yes, I know that "itiveness" is not a word; I'M the writer here...). I'm prone to thinking that this will pass. Maybe it won't, but I think it will with the proper medication and all. I sure hope so.