starting mum on the oil-alcohol question

[420 Motoco]

Hi Lucia,

I'm trying to figure out why Sunday your mother was in so much pain after seemingly doing so well. The only thing I can think of is she got euphoric (not dosing correctly/to fast) and that can amplify pain. What concerns me if you have cannatonic oil concentrate that should easily take care of the pain (again, unless she swallowed the oil without tacking properly) I'm concerned about the potency/quality. Listen Lucia, I've had patients with one week to live and they survived (took longer because of chemo damage). I thought I asked you to email or skype when something came up. If you are taking oil and you don't eat or hydrate properly you lower your resistance and the concentrate doesn't work properly. You have to constantly nourish your mother (not right after taking the oil-wait 15-20 mins). You should really check out skype so when something like this happens I can walk you through.

Is your Mom basically sent home to die? Is she through with the medical system? She should need absolutely no opiates with CBD oil. It must be she is not taking it right and digesting more than tacking. In late stages like this you not only need the oil but you have to nurse strength back into her and hydrate. Make sure she is rotated in different positions to insure she is more comfortable.

Now lets get back on track and stay focused. Calmness in you will reflect on your mother. I know, its hard, believe me, but right now your her caretaker. Nourishing soups are huge. Supplemental nourishment like Insure helps immensely. Taking opiates also lead to nauseas, loss of appetite not to mention dizzy, light headed and your mom can easily fall. Right now, focus on more cannatonic for the pain and nourishment. Lots of rest but making sure she eats and hydrates (notice how much I say this). Really time to skype and get your mother on the right track.

As you see, I don't give up. There are times where it is to late and nothing can be done. That being said she shouldn't be in pain as you mentioned. Even when opiates don't work the cbd should unless taken wrong.

Put the hospital behind you and destress. You both need rest. You both will have a better attitude. Check your in-box for a PM.

Thank you both, I read the replies 3 or 4 days ago but was in a hurry and unable the reply- I am following the instructions though (still have to write them down until it becomes second nature).
She was home for the weekend and did fine on saturday but then hell broke loose sunday afternoon and she got ghastly pains that lasted until monday. Monday i bring her back to the hospital thinking they'll tend to her pain and to my utter shock I found out that the doctor took his time and only dropped by in the afternoon and arranged for the anesthesiologist to suggest alternative pain management. They can't do entirely without opiates (not opioids anymore, they don't work so it's opiates now. CRAP.) but they're keeping her on a minimal dose and considering putting in the epidural catheter- that could help enough to ween her of the painkillers alltogether.
The other shock was this morning I walked into the hospital room to find her in tears and in pain, asked whether the doctors had a look at her and again she tells me she's been literally begging them to help her with the pain and they ignored her completely for a whole three hours. SO of course I stormed into the nurses station wreaking havoc and luck would have it her idiot doctor was there and I threatened with lawsuits and whatnot that should it ever happen again that they don't tend to her, considering she's critical I'd sent a lawfirm to deal with him. It was a long and tiresome fight after which the doc and anesthesiologist walked into the room telling my mother bluntly that she's dying, that they can't control the pain, that it will keep getting worse and soon and that she should simply accept it. I don't need to explain the devastating effect that had on her as her previous doc was the exact opposite- encouraging her to not give up, to stay positive and fight it and not for a moment did he make her feel like she should just die asap to spare him the trouble.
After my raging they agreed to insert a port so that they could administer very small amounts of watered down opiates. that way they can be administered when needed and the dose would still be minimal. she could even have a nurse come by to give her the shots when at home- since they're mostly neglecting her at the hospital I'd like to see her home soon. Hoping she will opt for the epidural so we can get her off these watered down shots and just use the oil. She asked to have a few more days to think about it (another patient she shared the room with had it and hers was very very uncomfortable and painful even, not allowing the lady to move at all so mum wants to be sure hers would allow her to be still be able to move and not cause any more pain).

The silver lining in all this crap with doctors hasting her to the grave is she's even more keen on the oil. She even tried eating a bit more just to prove the murders wrong.

So sadly she hasn't had much pain relief yet but her cancer is everywhere and she hasn't been taking the oil for very long yet. We will keep on keeping on and I'll update whenever I can.

To anyone else reading this for treatment information- know that mum is clinically considered just weeks away from dying. If you're considering the oil and it turns out to not cure her, don't give up! Use the freaking oil. Doctors are quick to write people off and save the costs and work involved in treating advanced cases. You've nothing to lose and the world is full of wonderful testimonials of people who've been in remission for years thanks to the oil. Let's hope it helps mum. If not, the rest of you need to keep fighting. Rest assured the system won't fight for you.

Please pardon the rage and ranting, it's been an overwhelmingly difficult few days.

Love and encouragement to all!

 

[Lucia McM]

not sure how to activate skype since i lost my webcam drivers and can't find the right ones but i can try leaving the chat on my email on- i switched to her internet and it took me while to figure it out as i'd been wireless for years so i'm clumsy with the cable and setting it as a home network. Changed my email chat settings to available, it's closest to skype i can do at the moment :-/.
I can't figure it out either, she seemed drowsy on saturday, perked up in the afternoon and it all seemed so well, she even ate a full plate of veggie soup, had a spoonfull of protein powder (keep wondering whether that was too heavy for her but she's had none since and the pain is still persistent). She seemed hydrated but I think you're onto something with switching positions- she's been unable to lye in any other position other than on her back. The pain gets so bad when she shifts she immediately repositions herself on her back again. Considering it's been going on for almost two months that could be a contributing factor of course. She does exercise her legs (the air bike and the like) but she's always on her back. She does emphasize she feels better when able to get up and move about. Saturday she even said her pain was barely noticeable while walking. Still can't figure it out- the sudden change I mean. But given that her disease is widespread the doctors claim this was expected and to brace ourselves as it's about to get worse (can't believe there is a worse. I've been with my bestie through her 17 hour long labour and it wasn't as painful as mum's cancer- go figure.) and yes, they've given up on her completely other than inserting the port so she could get painkillers if needed. The solution is a low concentrate and it's similar to the fentanyl she had in her patch but the IV would help in much smaller doses. For comparison, the smallest patch was about 20 mg and the injections have 5mg tops. It has an added drug (naloxone i think) to prevent the opiates from affecting her beyond sheer pain threshold. The epidural would be nice as it only blocks the nerves in her abdomen and wouldn't have systemic effects and would rid her of painkillers.
I hope the cannatonic isn't rubbish, it seemed to take a nice effect on saturday, you could tell when it took away the indica drowsiness after about an hour or two and she seemed way more lucid, awake, was walking about, eating, in good spirits. Seemed so perfect. Haven't noticed her swallowing it- any idea how i could tell if she did? She didn't seem high at all and the brown on her gums seemed fine...dunno?

I'm asking a surgeon acquaintance on the other end of the country if he thinks he could do a nerve block that would allow her to be completely med-free.

Some days the only thing she ingests is the ensure and fresubine and those help noticeably but she still needs to put on at least 3 kilo (about 6.6. pounds). It's a struggle.

She seemed better in the afternoon (well, physically at least. they kicked her spirit pretty well though.). She is still able to get some sleep. Wakes up from the pain some nights but other nights are peaceful and that is surely a marked improvement.

Any way I can test the cbd? Tack it myself or eat a grain- would that helps us determine whether there's an issue with the quality?

BTW they did not tell me the opiates would diminish her appetite. It makes sense though, they switched her to the minimal dose and she ate quite well today To think all those patches were starving her basically.

 

[Lucia McM]

aww damn posted twice, sorry. you're right, i need sleep. B back 2morrow.

 

[420 Motoco]

You should absolutely need no other meds than the oil. No pain blockers no nothing. The dose of the morphine is a light dose when sent home to hospice. Getting your mom to the Dr's at this stage is just making her weaker. Its the pain meds with the chemo/radiation curbing her appetite (nausea) to a point of throwing up. She needs to build her resistance up. She needs to sit up and move around (moderation-baby steps) during the day so she can sleep more sound at night. Review; very light activity during the day, water, food, nap and repeat.

Yes, most definitely, try the CBD oil yourself. Do you have any aches/pains? Does it say anything on the container? Let me know if it does and what it says plz. Also let me know how the CBD oil felt; energetic, calm, etc.

If you have a laptop/tablet with wi-fi skype would work. If not we can do the email as I don't have to sit at the desktop so long.

The opiates make you drowsy and on empty stomach can make you nauseous. Also keep in mind your mother is expelling toxins from her body.

Rule of thumb; if your mother feels bad or like she is getting nauseous immediately drink some water and eat a light snack (soup, crackers, etc.). If that doesn't seem to work in 10 minutes or so a small booster of oil will help. If any thing goes south (meaning she doesn't feel good, a little more oil is needed. Make sure she splits her doses when taking them so its easy to handle and doesn't swallow before getting to her cb1 receptors (brain). In fact, 30 minutes after she takes the oil (besides eating breakfast, lunch or dinner) I want you to make sure she drinks and snacks. One hour after she does and after the water and snack another small booster of oil.

This is the only chance now for your mother (don't panic or show her panic). Focus only on the oil regimen right now as mentioned, getting your mom out and up now to the Dr.s is not good as she is in such a weakened state.

Try the CBD oil asap and let me know...take it right. Hang in there and we will do our best. Tell your mother whether she feels like it or not she needs nutrition to build her strength. The CBD with the other concentrate in small doses more times. 8 quarter grains of rice a day now (8 small doses). Start with the CBD oil in the a.m. then every couple of hours as needed for pain, don't wait for the pain to come full bore, if she feels a little pain then take some more cbd. She still has to turn, sit, a couple of steps. Its almost like a baby learning to walk again, baby steps. The game plan right now; nurse your mothers strength back. Its slow and tedious while the oil is working on the cancer. After a couple of days we can adjust the dosage amount. Focus on these 2-3 days as mentioned and we can re-evaluate stepping up the dose amounts. Take some deep breaths, your doing fine.

Motoco

not sure how to activate skype since i lost my webcam drivers and can't find the right ones but i can try leaving the chat on my email on- i switched to her internet and it took me while to figure it out as i'd been wireless for years so i'm clumsy with the cable and setting it as a home network. Changed my email chat settings to available, it's closest to skype i can do at the moment :-/.
I can't figure it out either, she seemed drowsy on saturday, perked up in the afternoon and it all seemed so well, she even ate a full plate of veggie soup, had a spoonfull of protein powder (keep wondering whether that was too heavy for her but she's had none since and the pain is still persistent). She seemed hydrated but I think you're onto something with switching positions- she's been unable to lye in any other position other than on her back. The pain gets so bad when she shifts she immediately repositions herself on her back again. Considering it's been going on for almost two months that could be a contributing factor of course. She does exercise her legs (the air bike and the like) but she's always on her back. She does emphasize she feels better when able to get up and move about. Saturday she even said her pain was barely noticeable while walking. Still can't figure it out- the sudden change I mean. But given that her disease is widespread the doctors claim this was expected and to brace ourselves as it's about to get worse (can't believe there is a worse. I've been with my bestie through her 17 hour long labour and it wasn't as painful as mum's cancer- go figure.) and yes, they've given up on her completely other than inserting the port so she could get painkillers if needed. The solution is a low concentrate and it's similar to the fentanyl she had in her patch but the IV would help in much smaller doses. For comparison, the smallest patch was about 20 mg and the injections have 5mg tops. It has an added drug (naloxone i think) to prevent the opiates from affecting her beyond sheer pain threshold. The epidural would be nice as it only blocks the nerves in her abdomen and wouldn't have systemic effects and would rid her of painkillers.
I hope the cannatonic isn't rubbish, it seemed to take a nice effect on saturday, you could tell when it took away the indica drowsiness after about an hour or two and she seemed way more lucid, awake, was walking about, eating, in good spirits. Seemed so perfect. Haven't noticed her swallowing it- any idea how i could tell if she did? She didn't seem high at all and the brown on her gums seemed fine...dunno?

I'm asking a surgeon acquaintance on the other end of the country if he thinks he could do a nerve block that would allow her to be completely med-free.

Some days the only thing she ingests is the ensure and fresubine and those help noticeably but she still needs to put on at least 3 kilo (about 6.6. pounds). It's a struggle.

She seemed better in the afternoon (well, physically at least. they kicked her spirit pretty well though.). She is still able to get some sleep. Wakes up from the pain some nights but other nights are peaceful and that is surely a marked improvement.

Any way I can test the cbd? Tack it myself or eat a grain- would that helps us determine whether there's an issue with the quality?

BTW they did not tell me the opiates would diminish her appetite. It makes sense though, they switched her to the minimal dose and she ate quite well today To think all those patches were starving her basically.

 

[Lucia McM]

got it doc.

says "canntonic cbd rich oil" and "at 15:1 CBD/THC ratio"

yes I have mild issues and could tell before when pot took the edge off (other than the tonic events). Licked some. Feeling okay but hyper awake and unnaturally lucid- does that make sense LOL? In a way i feel a high bit it doesn't cloud my mind like smoking does. But I'm really super awake and I really wish I could sleep as my alarm goes off in a good two hours. Feel no pain (felt some before), no disorientation or such. Quite nice in fact- for mornings. I guess it's doing something, hope it's a good thing. (No munchies, just thirst)


yup, i still have the modem somewhere, I could go switch back to wi-fi, just need to look for it and download skype.

 

[420 Motoco]

Good day Lucia,

How is your Mother doing today? Did she rest well? Hydrating/water? Please make sure she is 'tacking' properly increasing the amount of doses.

Thank you for the info on the cbd oil. Somewhat baffled at the 15:1 cbd/thc ratio (must of been the flower stats before made into the concentrate) which would put the concentrate around 50-60% CBD. Perhaps tomorrow morning you could 'tack' some to see exactly as your mom is going to feel. But your description sounds like you did? Also have you 'tacked' some of the Indica?

I'm sorry for the no sleep but we needed to find out if the concentrate was decent. It sounds like a high cbd strain to me harvested before mid term. Its a 'race horse' to be sure. Now you know why I like to blend it to make daytime oil with, lol. What would be nice to do is blend some of the indica with the CBD to make a daytime oil with. I'm thinking we should do the blend 1 gram of CBD to 1 gram of Indica for daytime and then have the indica only for nighttime. Seems that is working out well considering the start of the journey. Thirst is from swallowing, 'tacking' usually has no cottonmouth except maybe Haze strains.

Skype would be a huge asset especially in blending. Could you make sure you have a stainless steel cuticle pusher and a 1/4 cup size stainless steel measuring cup. Its very easy to blend. We need to do this as to give your mom an appetite.

Lets take a day at a time. If we do this right and your mother has the will/spirit and we can make it one week, better things to come. It won't be easy and you both have to be positive and prayer. If we can get your Mom to improve her immune system and build up her strength while taking the oil to stop the advancement of the cancer the hard part will be over.

got it doc.

says "canntonic cbd rich oil" and "at 15:1 CBD/THC ratio"

yes I have mild issues and could tell before when pot took the edge off (other than the tonic events). Licked some. Feeling okay but hyper awake and unnaturally lucid- does that make sense LOL? In a way i feel a high bit it doesn't cloud my mind like smoking does. But I'm really super awake and I really wish I could sleep as my alarm goes off in a good two hours. Feel no pain (felt some before), no disorientation or such. Quite nice in fact- for mornings. I guess it's doing something, hope it's a good thing. (No munchies, just thirst)


yup, i still have the modem somewhere, I could go switch back to wi-fi, just need to look for it and download skype.

 

[Lucia McM]

so 15:1 ratio sounds very high or..is that the usual ratio? I understand it appears to be unusually high and makes one hyper-awake so it could use a bit of indica? I have the cuticle pusher, just need to run to the pharmacy for a new syringe and the measuring cup. Will I need to heat it to blend the mixture?
Just got home, will look for the modem tonight but when I find it I may need to chat you up for some instructions when installing skype as I don't think I know how to get it to work, I messed it up the last time I tried. It's okay, go ahead, facepalm


News on mum:
The pain lessened a lot. That's the good news.
The bad news is her stomach keeps getting more and more bloated. A part of her small intestine also has tumor deposits and these are creating a bowel obstruction. Some of the food passes through, some doesn't. It stays stuck in the upper part of her abdomen and as one eats, there's more and more food stuck there, bloating the insides until the patient begins vomiting partly digested food. In her case any vomiting could be fatal due to varices in her stomach exploding into a river of internal bleeding and she could die there and then. So in order to prevent this from happening the surgeons want to resect the part of the bowel overgrown with tumors. At diagnosis this part was small, at the beginning of the small intestine by the jejunum. Since she has not been given any cancer treatment the tumors may have spread and now involve a larger part of the intestine. They say they couldn't tell by the X-ray and didn't want to waste time on the CT and they'll just hurry to cut her up and see what they see when they do. So the surgery could be either very simple, snipping of an affected part, closing her and it would take five minutes. Or, when they open her up it may turn out to be more complicated, last longer, have more risks and they'd need to insert a bag she'd ware around her waist to collect ehm-poo. They don't even know whether she'd need the bag for a couple of weeks or until she's dead. Mum said she could take it a couple of weeks but no way was she up to it if it meant having the bag forever. To top it off, the nerve block they want to do would also mean she would have to wear a bag for drainage, a pump for the nerve-numbing agent and a vial for i don't what a million of tubes, in other words, they literally don't want to give her time to decide whether she agrees with this or not, they won't let her wait until her previous doc is back from vacation to consult him before agreeing to quite drastic measures, they insist on cutting her open and trimming her like a christmas tree with bags, tubes, pumps that would make her unfit to leave the bed whereas she still wants to move around and stretch and walk as much as possible. Sounds horrible. But the if they leave it like this the vomiting scenario could happen in a matter of days and she'd die from internal bleeding. Oh, plus, she's not allowed to eat any more because they won't risk the food buildup and she'll be fed through an IV for 24 hours at least. It seems, if she denies surgery, they'll deny her ingesting anything because as long as the block is present food buildup could kill her. So she'd be fed through a needle until she dies anyway.

I practiced tacking on myself too with both oils, yes. didn't feel much anything with tacking. but i also ate a grain of the indica and last night licked about 1/3 grain cbd.
eating the indica had me stoned for a few hours. other than slight forgetfulness only body effects- slight disorientation, difficulty picking things up, articulating words. oddly i wasn't really sleepy but went to bed anyway and had a really deep sleep.
eating the 1/3 of cdb was...eenteresteeeng. Had me wide awake until 5 am. Other than excess energy I wasn't very stoned, quite lucid in fact and it didn't affect my mood.

so the cbd is a little too strong and hypes one up?

I hope now that the pain is bearable they won't rush with the nerve block and tubes and bags. Praying the pain stays away now.

P.S. IVs don't sound very nourishing. Or is it just me? Can't imagine her loosing more weight because of the infusion.

 

[420 Motoco]

Hi Lucia,

When the high CBD strains first came out the norm was 1-1 ratio 1cbd/1thc. Now 10-15 cbd to 1 thc is the norm. Harle-Tsu won the emerald cup last year at 20-1 cbd-thc. That is the potency of the flower before made into an extract.

Good news on the pain. I'm very surprised they don't want to do a ct scan. If they wanted they could have the results back in a few hours? Check your fb message. We'll discuss this latter about your mother.

When you don't feel much of anything your tacking correctly. If you did this for a few days you start feeling exactly what the concentrate does. Gives you a wellness feeling. The Indica will just make you tired even when tacked correctly. We will blend some oil. Its easy with just a ss measuring cup and a cuticle pusher. I can walk you through that easily. It will just need low heat 110d to blend.

IVs are nourishing. Pretty much how they keep people alive when they cannot eat solids. Kind of a nightmare it seems. Just another obstacle to overcome. That could even be scare tissue from chemo for all we know. They should of done a CT. More on that off site.

Is your mother in the hospital now? Make sure you get some rest and don't run yourself down also. Chat latter.

so 15:1 ratio sounds very high or..is that the usual ratio? I understand it appears to be unusually high and makes one hyper-awake so it could use a bit of indica? I have the cuticle pusher, just need to run to the pharmacy for a new syringe and the measuring cup. Will I need to heat it to blend the mixture?
Just got home, will look for the modem tonight but when I find it I may need to chat you up for some instructions when installing skype as I don't think I know how to get it to work, I messed it up the last time I tried. It's okay, go ahead, facepalm


News on mum:
The pain lessened a lot. That's the good news.
The bad news is her stomach keeps getting more and more bloated. A part of her small intestine also has tumor deposits and these are creating a bowel obstruction. Some of the food passes through, some doesn't. It stays stuck in the upper part of her abdomen and as one eats, there's more and more food stuck there, bloating the insides until the patient begins vomiting partly digested food. In her case any vomiting could be fatal due to varices in her stomach exploding into a river of internal bleeding and she could die there and then. So in order to prevent this from happening the surgeons want to resect the part of the bowel overgrown with tumors. At diagnosis this part was small, at the beginning of the small intestine by the jejunum. Since she has not been given any cancer treatment the tumors may have spread and now involve a larger part of the intestine. They say they couldn't tell by the X-ray and didn't want to waste time on the CT and they'll just hurry to cut her up and see what they see when they do. So the surgery could be either very simple, snipping of an affected part, closing her and it would take five minutes. Or, when they open her up it may turn out to be more complicated, last longer, have more risks and they'd need to insert a bag she'd ware around her waist to collect ehm-poo. They don't even know whether she'd need the bag for a couple of weeks or until she's dead. Mum said she could take it a couple of weeks but no way was she up to it if it meant having the bag forever. To top it off, the nerve block they want to do would also mean she would have to wear a bag for drainage, a pump for the nerve-numbing agent and a vial for i don't what a million of tubes, in other words, they literally don't want to give her time to decide whether she agrees with this or not, they won't let her wait until her previous doc is back from vacation to consult him before agreeing to quite drastic measures, they insist on cutting her open and trimming her like a christmas tree with bags, tubes, pumps that would make her unfit to leave the bed whereas she still wants to move around and stretch and walk as much as possible. Sounds horrible. But the if they leave it like this the vomiting scenario could happen in a matter of days and she'd die from internal bleeding. Oh, plus, she's not allowed to eat any more because they won't risk the food buildup and she'll be fed through an IV for 24 hours at least. It seems, if she denies surgery, they'll deny her ingesting anything because as long as the block is present food buildup could kill her. So she'd be fed through a needle until she dies anyway.

I practiced tacking on myself too with both oils, yes. didn't feel much anything with tacking. but i also ate a grain of the indica and last night licked about 1/3 grain cbd.
eating the indica had me stoned for a few hours. other than slight forgetfulness only body effects- slight disorientation, difficulty picking things up, articulating words. oddly i wasn't really sleepy but went to bed anyway and had a really deep sleep.
eating the 1/3 of cdb was...eenteresteeeng. Had me wide awake until 5 am. Other than excess energy I wasn't very stoned, quite lucid in fact and it didn't affect my mood.

so the cbd is a little too strong and hypes one up?

I hope now that the pain is bearable they won't rush with the nerve block and tubes and bags. Praying the pain stays away now.

P.S. IVs don't sound very nourishing. Or is it just me? Can't imagine her loosing more weight because of the infusion.

 

[Lucia McM]

Oh peeps it's a rollercoaster..

She's had some great pain free days lately, even walked up and down the stairs like it was nothing, laughed and cracked jokes. The Iv helped a lot. Not regarding weight gain but at least it gave her stomach a rest from the pain.
She also had a perforated bowel so they took her off solids) but luckily there was only a small peritoneal leak, they cleared it up with a minor procedure and put her on an antibiotic and she did quite well afterwards. In fact, she was seemingly doing great so her doc put her back on solids which caused a new problem yesterday, her stomach swelled up and hurt like hell, she vomited all night but thankfully also got a laxative so despite being exhausted from the rough night there's less stomach distention now, she's back on liquids (actually getting some appetite, she now asks for food every once in a while whereas before it was a struggle to eat) and will also be getting a high calorie IV for a couple of days to get some strength back. She was so tired today but so peaceful and pain free. She slipped in and out of sleep and fluttered me the most gracious smile every time she opened her eyes.

The great news is her liver stats have improved greatly and still keep getting better- in other words her liver is almost normal. The doctor admits to having no explanation for this whatsoever because what causes the elevated liver stats are the mets pressing against the liver. Meaning, it looks like they're disappearing!! Too bad they didn't give her a scan, i think maybe they just don't want to admit perhaps something in there is improving? One of her docs thinks the liver panels are great news and the other just mentioned it happens sometimes but it doesn't mean anything is getting better. He's worried about her weight loss and the fact that she's become even more frail in the past two weeks. Hopefully the Iv will help this time too.

I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand so happy about her liver on the other hand depressed because the doc said she's leaving us at a fast pace and to brace myself as it's about to get really ugly and soon.
She has started speaking in metaphors. Usually they'll mention getting ready for a long trip, ask whether you've packed their bags and passport whereas mum said today she feels like a long, peaceful, deep rest is coming. She also asked me to call a distant aunt who grew up with my grandma and tell her. I've noticed today her eyes no longer close all the way when she sleeps. No changes in breathing pattern though. I dread the onset of cheyne-stoking and the possibility that I'll walk in in the morning to find the hospital bed empty and the nurses handing me her things.

And still, my hope for a miracle hasn't left me. I keep asking myself whether at this point it's ridiculous to hope. But I guess it's just human nature. I guess I'm going to have to let go of her sooner or later anyway so why not hope while she's still here.

They'll probably let her come home soon if she feels safe going home and if she doesn't require any kind of assistance that she'd be unable to get at home. If complications arise, she could be admitted to the hospital again.

If only she could keep the peace she had today. Even if she leaves shortly, I pray it's with a smile as blissful as the ones I saw today.
Stocked up with a good indica (licked it once and slept like a log, it should help and if there's a need for strong sedation in the last few days she could take it during the day too. It might not be necessary if she's exhausted enough to sleep anyway.)

I hate cancer. The pain and torture I witnessed her go through is beyond anything I imagined possible and now the doc tells me it's about to get really ugly. Can hardly imagine it getting worse and praying for her relief.

I'm not very wise guys. But I know ever since this night mare started I have felt like an idiot for all the times I was worried, stressed, upset or hurt by the things that seemed so important at the time. Had I known we'd have to go through this I wouldn't have sweated over anything before the cancer. It all seems so stupid an insignificant in comparison. There's a witty line in the Upanishads. It says "What use have I of the things that won't make me immortal?" The transient ones. Whatever comes, whether it's good or bad is bound to pass anyway. We all know what remains. Love, soul, compassion. Next time you're upset try to remember stuff will come and go and unless it's love it doesn't belong to you, own you or concern you in any way. There's something not even cancer can kill. Stick with that.

Hugs, prayers and sincere thanks to all for your support, it's very soothing.

 

[420 Motoco]

Hi Lucia,

What a journey you have been on Lucia. I feel so bad for you as I know what your going through. Cancer in the family changes peoples lives forever. Love, soul and compassion is so much needed in todays corrupted world where it seems to be winning the battle. Your a wonderful wonderful person Lucia as well as your mother.

Is your mother still taking her dosing regimen? Between her going through all this at the hospital it would of seemed impossible. If she makes it home please do the dosing regimen as nothing else it will be peaceful and humane. Sending prayers and love to both of you.

You are one of the kindest persons I've meant Lucia, your mother and you have been blessed to have each other.

Warmest regards,

Motoco

Oh peeps it's a rollercoaster..

She's had some great pain free days lately, even walked up and down the stairs like it was nothing, laughed and cracked jokes. The Iv helped a lot. Not regarding weight gain but at least it gave her stomach a rest from the pain.
She also had a perforated bowel so they took her off solids) but luckily there was only a small peritoneal leak, they cleared it up with a minor procedure and put her on an antibiotic and she did quite well afterwards. In fact, she was seemingly doing great so her doc put her back on solids which caused a new problem yesterday, her stomach swelled up and hurt like hell, she vomited all night but thankfully also got a laxative so despite being exhausted from the rough night there's less stomach distention now, she's back on liquids (actually getting some appetite, she now asks for food every once in a while whereas before it was a struggle to eat) and will also be getting a high calorie IV for a couple of days to get some strength back. She was so tired today but so peaceful and pain free. She slipped in and out of sleep and fluttered me the most gracious smile every time she opened her eyes.

The great news is her liver stats have improved greatly and still keep getting better- in other words her liver is almost normal. The doctor admits to having no explanation for this whatsoever because what causes the elevated liver stats are the mets pressing against the liver. Meaning, it looks like they're disappearing!! Too bad they didn't give her a scan, i think maybe they just don't want to admit perhaps something in there is improving? One of her docs thinks the liver panels are great news and the other just mentioned it happens sometimes but it doesn't mean anything is getting better. He's worried about her weight loss and the fact that she's become even more frail in the past two weeks. Hopefully the Iv will help this time too.

I'm not sure how to feel. On one hand so happy about her liver on the other hand depressed because the doc said she's leaving us at a fast pace and to brace myself as it's about to get really ugly and soon.
She has started speaking in metaphors. Usually they'll mention getting ready for a long trip, ask whether you've packed their bags and passport whereas mum said today she feels like a long, peaceful, deep rest is coming. She also asked me to call a distant aunt who grew up with my grandma and tell her. I've noticed today her eyes no longer close all the way when she sleeps. No changes in breathing pattern though. I dread the onset of cheyne-stoking and the possibility that I'll walk in in the morning to find the hospital bed empty and the nurses handing me her things.

And still, my hope for a miracle hasn't left me. I keep asking myself whether at this point it's ridiculous to hope. But I guess it's just human nature. I guess I'm going to have to let go of her sooner or later anyway so why not hope while she's still here.

They'll probably let her come home soon if she feels safe going home and if she doesn't require any kind of assistance that she'd be unable to get at home. If complications arise, she could be admitted to the hospital again.

If only she could keep the peace she had today. Even if she leaves shortly, I pray it's with a smile as blissful as the ones I saw today.
Stocked up with a good indica (licked it once and slept like a log, it should help and if there's a need for strong sedation in the last few days she could take it during the day too. It might not be necessary if she's exhausted enough to sleep anyway.)

I hate cancer. The pain and torture I witnessed her go through is beyond anything I imagined possible and now the doc tells me it's about to get really ugly. Can hardly imagine it getting worse and praying for her relief.

I'm not very wise guys. But I know ever since this night mare started I have felt like an idiot for all the times I was worried, stressed, upset or hurt by the things that seemed so important at the time. Had I known we'd have to go through this I wouldn't have sweated over anything before the cancer. It all seems so stupid an insignificant in comparison. There's a witty line in the Upanishads. It says "What use have I of the things that won't make me immortal?" The transient ones. Whatever comes, whether it's good or bad is bound to pass anyway. We all know what remains. Love, soul, compassion. Next time you're upset try to remember stuff will come and go and unless it's love it doesn't belong to you, own you or concern you in any way. There's something not even cancer can kill. Stick with that.

Hugs, prayers and sincere thanks to all for your support, it's very soothing.