Perspective
My needs have change a bit since I started this journey. My goals have been slower to change.
When I was starting my first grow it was literally a matter of life and death. Plus my brain and body were a mess following my 2nd round of chemo. A few months earlier, almost out of the blue, my oncologist had said "5 to 10 months" and my future vaporized. I had no perspective on anything except making it to 1 year, so I could make it to 2 years, so they could find a new treatment by then.
Finding out about cannabis gave me a possible future beyond that but still no perspective. I was grasping around at anything that would make this project work. I had to find the right strain, the best pheno, grow it perfectly and as many as possible. And by trying to do that I set myself back several months. I knew what I needed, everything all at once. I couldn't see a future in which I didn't have to grow as much as possible and struggle to keep everything going all the time.
I learned more about how different strains work, how to take it, how to make it more effective, all sorts of information that made me more and more confident that I would beat my cancer. But still little perspective on my life in general. That lasted well through my 2nd grow. I had moments of insight but they didn't connect into any sort of bigger picture.
It's been almost 2 months since my scan. I still find myself asking, "What next?" Answering that is going to be the goal for the next part of my journey.