P9 Hunts For The Unicorn With Mars SP 250s

[Preston9mm]

Meh... fuck it, here's my rant...

I'm generally the "funny guy" but get stuck in my own head wondering why I'm not normal. I hurt & obsess daily.

I'm a bit screwed in the head from some life experiences... I'm not "normal" in the eyes of society. I'm broken...

I'm just recently coming to the conclusion that ppl I love dearly just can't accept my shit anymore.

My statement earlier about "why I'm here" had nothing to do with 420 Mag & the friends I've made here. But, more so about why I'm actually "here", like on this earth.... or existent at all.

I can't seem to find another person who really understands.... I'm a lonely soul.

It causes extreme pain and I have yet to find a way to handle it, other than booze. Alcohol has been slowly killing me, day by day. It has caused my relationship to deteriorate and now I'm alone again.

Just figured I owed a "half-asssed" explanation before I disappear...

 

[InTheShed]

I'm so sorry you feel that way P. You have a tough row to hoe.

If it helps at all, I think you're here (on this planet) because you offer an enormous value to the people who come in contact with you. And there are so many folks who feel the exact same way as you do - you are not alone in how you feel. Reach out to either local or online support groups for people who feel exactly like you do and find camaraderie and worth there. I know that is really hard, but after the first step it gets a tiny bit easier.

 

[Heavenly Hybrid]

I know I don’t “get it” because everyone is different, but I get it P. Shed is totally right and we all have a ton of love for you. Please remember that even though it seems like it will feel this way forever, just remember that it won’t. You will feel better than you do right now. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much right now and my heart goes to you.

 

[Backlipslide]

Meh... fuck it, here's my rant...

I'm generally the "funny guy" but get stuck in my own head wondering why I'm not normal. I hurt & obsess daily.

I'm a bit screwed in the head from some life experiences... I'm not "normal" in the eyes of society. I'm broken...

I'm just recently coming to the conclusion that ppl I love dearly just can't accept my shit anymore.

My statement earlier about "why I'm here" had nothing to do with 420 Mag & the friends I've made here. But, more so about why I'm actually "here", like on this earth.... or existent at all.

I can't seem to find another person who really understands.... I'm a lonely soul.

It causes extreme pain and I have yet to find a way to handle it, other than booze. Alcohol has been slowly killing me, day by day. It has caused my relationship to deteriorate and now I'm alone again.

Just figured I owed a "half-asssed" explanation before I disappear...

That’s deep man! Takes balls to be honest with your self enough to be open about what your going through, or how your feeling. 420 family aside, your a great guy. With a big heart. Many people would be lucky to have you in their life. Tough times, bring on tough emotions, take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to. Keep your head up, hold it high, be proud of who you are, and everything falls into place with it. You got this in the bag brother!

 

[skipeye]

Meh... fuck it, here's my rant...

...

Just figured I owed a "half-asssed" explanation before I disappear...

Hey bud - you're towing a very large tow right now. Have you considered talking to someone that's a professional? You might even be able to find something that's free given the current circumstances (I heard some are doing tele-therapy pro-bono). I'm so sorry you're feeling lost and unwanted.

But you are wanted and needed on this earth. You have people that want and need you, you just can't see that because your baggage is standing in your own way. All internal work takes a lot of time and reflection, but I think you still have a fire in you. You need to believe that things COULD get better and allow yourself to feel okay with that. How you feel today, and how you've felt in the past, doesn't have to be how you feel in the future.

Please, reach out if you need to talk. I'm not a professional, but these are dark times for everyone and we're all feeling alone. No one wants to see someone with such talent, care, and dedication wither away. The 420 family and your personal family need you.

 

[shottafire]

Hey brotha. Man I might not be able to relate totally but my life in the past 7 years has been a whirlwind and I went to very dark and lonely places. Battling for my child with the baby momma until she gave up and disappeared out of my little ones life. This is the thing that really broke me. Now I have a little girl that mourns the loss of her mom. Try to cut the drink out and that is a solid step in the right direction. Hey bro I am gonna dm you my number just in case you needed to Vent or whatever. Being alone in your head sucks. Been there too many times.

 

[dr.h00k]

...I've got more thoughts on this...but, for now...Much love to you Preston...you continuously "make my day"...disappearing, should not even be a thought considered...Stay strong...Take care...Stay safe...cheerz... ...h00k...

 

[NorCaliwood]

drugs and booze have cost me dearly, more than one relationship and acouple homes....... every time I'd split up with a gal,, I'd load the scooters saddlebags and take off,, leaving everything behind.. Times I think of all the shit I've left behind...

But I always tell people if YOU feel drinking is a problem,, then it might be..

Life's full of aches and pains.... But then we all know that.. You'll be fine,,, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. After this virus shits over,, go down to the honky-tonk and find another gal.. the best way to deal with about everything... Alittle L&L, loaded and laid is good for the soul........

GL my friend,, be safe and Keepem Green

 

[Preston9mm]

In a better head-space today. Slept a good 12 hours, woke up & tended plants.

Found a nice surprise out in the shed... We definitely have one Stankberry above the gound. The #2 plant has a little loop of stem poking out too. She should open up today.

BopTang X Mimosa (#2) is starting to show some amber tricomes. I'll be cutting in a day or so.

Other than that, all the plants are just cruising along...

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out yesterday. I'm not in a great spot mentally, but reading all of your comments seemed to fill a bit of emptiness in me. I appreciate how much y'all care. This is definitely A 420 Family!


I'm gonna head off for a jog....

 

[Dutchman1990]

Yeh little babies! Garden is booming and glad your feelin it today Preston! Keep strong brotha and keep growin that dank!

 

[A toke in time]

Hi P9 - long time lurker here (just registered today). I read this whole journal so far, and now i'm a third of the way through your Bloom one preceding it. Lol, I started reading simply to find out about the Mars light, and then ended up spending a week reading the whole lot! Got to say, it's been an excellent read - please keep doing what you're doing!

 

[Preston9mm]

Group pics today.

Cruising right along...

Did a heavy defol on the veg box today. Topped both Strawberry AKeil and cleared out the cabbage-y shit they were growing.

Here's the most recent pic from before defol.

Keep em green homies!

 

[Preston9mm]

Hi P9 - long time lurker here (just registered today). I read this whole journal so far, and now i'm a third of the way through your Bloom one preceding it. Lol, I started reading simply to find out about the Mars light, and then ended up spending a week reading the whole lot! Got to say, it's been an excellent read - please keep doing what you're doing!

Good to have ya!


Chat it up as much as ya like here....

 

[Backlipslide]

Good to see your in a better mood today PMan!!

 

[Preston9mm]

Good to see your in a better mood today PMan!!

Shaking off some DT's from the recent binge, but I've been chatting with the wife all morning. Things are on the mend....

Once I shake the physical symptoms, I'll be back on track.

 

[DonkeyDick]

Hi P9 - long time lurker here (just registered today). I read this whole journal so far, and now i'm a third of the way through your Bloom one preceding it. Lol, I started reading simply to find out about the Mars light, and then ended up spending a week reading the whole lot! Got to say, it's been an excellent read - please keep doing what you're doing!

to ATIT.
You’re in the right place.

Preston you already know that booze is not your buddy. Maybe we need to talk about stronger pain meds?
The thread this post is from might do it for ya..

The Honey Oil Thread: From Raw Bud & Trim, To RSO, Through An SPD, To Golden Love!

I make my green dragon with frozen everything. I read that it also helps loosen the tricomes. Daaannggg that is some booze!!!

www.420magazine.com

.. recommended reading.
Make peace with the-woman-who-loves-you-anyway mate you need her.

 

[Backlipslide]

been chatting with the wife all morning

That’s great to hear. Even in tough times when your just not your self mentally, someone you trust and respect like your wife, is the best to talk to!

 

[PCaddict]

Meh... fuck it, here's my rant...

I'm generally the "funny guy" but get stuck in my own head wondering why I'm not normal. I hurt & obsess daily.

I'm a bit screwed in the head from some life experiences... I'm not "normal" in the eyes of society. I'm broken...

I'm just recently coming to the conclusion that ppl I love dearly just can't accept my shit anymore.

My statement earlier about "why I'm here" had nothing to do with 420 Mag & the friends I've made here. But, more so about why I'm actually "here", like on this earth.... or existent at all.

I can't seem to find another person who really understands.... I'm a lonely soul.

It causes extreme pain and I have yet to find a way to handle it, other than booze. Alcohol has been slowly killing me, day by day. It has caused my relationship to deteriorate and now I'm alone again.

Just figured I owed a "half-asssed" explanation before I disappear...

Hay Preston I am Bi-Polar and I get really depressed and have the same thoughts you do at times. I know its not good to be on a lot of pills etc. but for me I have to take my psyc. pills or I get like that a lot more often and it last for a Much longer time when I don't take my meds. I hope you get through it quickly, You are in my thoughts and prayers

 

[A toke in time]

to ATIT.
You’re in the right place.

Preston you already know that booze is not your buddy. Maybe we need to talk about stronger pain meds?
The thread this post is from might do it for ya..

The Honey Oil Thread: From Raw Bud & Trim, To RSO, Through An SPD, To Golden Love!

I make my green dragon with frozen everything. I read that it also helps loosen the tricomes. Daaannggg that is some booze!!!

www.420magazine.com

.. recommended reading.
Make peace with the-woman-who-loves-you-anyway mate you need her.

not the best thought out username I guess lol!

This is about the limit of my comfort zone, as you know the 3 pillars of of us keeping it safe and all that, so I'll, probably not be posting that much. Learned a *lot* from you folk, and got to express my appreciation somehow.

 

[Smeegol]

to ATIT.
You’re in the right place.

Preston you already know that booze is not your buddy. Maybe we need to talk about stronger pain meds?
The thread this post is from might do it for ya..

The Honey Oil Thread: From Raw Bud & Trim, To RSO, Through An SPD, To Golden Love!

I make my green dragon with frozen everything. I read that it also helps loosen the tricomes. Daaannggg that is some booze!!!

www.420magazine.com

.. recommended reading.
Make peace with the-woman-who-loves-you-anyway mate you need her.

Thank you brother....