Hi
Soo first of all you shared your story with me and i will share my story with you. Basicly my father was alcoholic adict trough my childhood and he still is soo it was pretty hard for me , often he would come home drunk , starting yeling at my mother sometimes beting her (i was around 9-10 years old then) Soo she would often come sleep into my bed , and that 1 night it was the woorst thing that could happened , he came home drunk , pissed off for unknown reason and they got into argument , he grabed a knife and chased after her she managed to lock herself into my bedroom ( it was around 11pm), soo of course i woke up , saw my mom scared to death and heared father screaming at her ... he managed too kick the door and break in he grabed her pushed he to the wall and put knife on her neck and was saying he will kill her... i lost my mind i started screaming, crying i got a panic atack ... i begged him on my knees to put the knife down soo luckly he stopped , after that night all changed , we moved into another town to this place where mothers with kids could come if they got into family problems (cant rly explain it sry), soo we stayed there for about a year , we had like 1 living room, 1 tv and every guest there had his own bedroom (1 bed for me ,my mother and my sister). Soo in that town i didnt know any1 ... soo i started gaming and i was playing games for the whole day , kind of got addicted to. And i was also bullied through my middle school cuz i was very small for my age the reason for that is i was born 3 months before i should of been ( had lung problems and it was miracle i survived, my mother told me that nurse that care of me in the hospital sad that im a miracle from the god, true fighter and had very little chances to survive that but i fought trough it ). Soo when middle school was over i went to cooking high school , i was like this is fresh start for me, and it kind of was but i was still bulied alot , soo i was sick of it and i became like this guy whos playing gangster and i was trying to be on top of the "world", got into agruments alog , was drinking every single day , didnt go to school for months soo they i got kicked out , i dissapointed my mother soo fucking bad i still regret it ... soo i was back to this guy that has no life except his computer, started gaming aigan, over 4 years of gaming i got socialy akward ... i was scared to talk to any girl , i was scare to even talk with my friends, i remember that day i was smoking some joints with my buddies and they were like chating for 2 hours ... whole time of that i was quiet as a fucking chimp , and didnt know how to start convercation , I WAS SCARED TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS ... soo whole drive back i was thinking to myself ... im such a pussy, i have no life i dont have shit ... even weed didnt relax me anymore it just gave me deep depresion sometimes ... i was despret an i thought how the fuck could i change my life ... soo i found this videos on youtube someday that basicly sad : Be confident about urself , talk confident, look in the eyes when talking and dont give a single shit what ppl think about urself (but take care of urself, manage ur higene, workout, eat healthy , dont fucking sit on computer all day) soo grabbed my balls went into a bar and just pratice talking to women and to guys trying to meet new friends and maybe if im lucky i manage to take a nice girl home for a "chat" ... but i didnt want to hit on those avrage looking girls (sry if that sounded wrong) i set my goals high soo after many many tries i got this beautiful lady that looked like model straight out of the tv interested in me just beacuse i was confident , tried to be funny and made alot of sexual jokes with her that apperently was exciting to her i got fucking laid that night man ... first i didnt understand why she played along soo nicely and i figured it out ... you dont need to be good looking , rich, or any of that crap that tv is teaching you .. you need to go out there and acctualy try to pick up a girl , make new friends and just be confident about urself , thats the only thing that will help you sucssed in life, feel fucking good about urself , dont be shy and dont give a fuck and ppl will respect you for that.
Sry my english is bad , i know it but i hope you did understand most of this and i helped you in some way
Sry if this was too long for you to read and if your still sticking around and reading this THANK YOU!!
NOW GET OUT THERE AND START PRACTICING !!
I hear ya on awkward, I ve been there and then didnt show up to therapist enough and psychologist wouldnt see me. They find out stuff from the therapist to help diagnose I think from what I thought but my shift to medical marijuana from recreational was the last time I was in psych ward. My psychologist there did support mmj, I dont know if thats common but I was also still recovering in ways from a bad head/ brain injury so head ache and pain were some of the other symptoms that weed helps me with too that put me in another position for recomendation.
