RangerDanger
New Member
I was kidnapped once.
I was walking down the street when 2 guys pull up in a black sedan and ask me do I want to go with them to a magical land where everyone was clowns and elves and I could have all the candy I wanted like chocolate & wax lips and everything, and I got into the car with them.
Cause I figured what the hell--I was home that weekend from college anyway.
They take me to a deserted farm house in Fresno (Fresno is the place where, if California was to recieve an enema, they would insert the nozzle) and send a ransom note to my parents.
Now my Dad has bad reading habits, so that night he gets into bed with the note, reads half of it, gets drowsy and falls asleep.
Then he lent it out to friends.
Anyway, when my folks realize I've been kidnapped, they snap into immedient action--they rent out my room.
The ransom note tells my father to leave $50,000 in a hollow tree in Fresno. He has no problem raising the $50K but he gets a hernia from carrying the hollow tree.
The FBI discovers where I'm being held and they surround the house.
"Throw the kid out" the FBI yells "give us your guns and come out with your hands up."
The kidnappers yell "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says "Throw the kid out, we'll let you get to your car--but give us your guns."
The kidnappers say "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says "aw screw it, keep the kid."
After a brief stand-off the FBI deciedes to lob in tear gas but they don't have any tear gas, so several agents dress up like deer and re-enact the scene in Bambi where Bambi's mother dies.
Tear-stricken my abducters give themselves up and they're sentenced to 20 years hard labor in a chain gang.
But they escape, a few years later, chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards posing as an immense charm bracelet.
I was walking down the street when 2 guys pull up in a black sedan and ask me do I want to go with them to a magical land where everyone was clowns and elves and I could have all the candy I wanted like chocolate & wax lips and everything, and I got into the car with them.
Cause I figured what the hell--I was home that weekend from college anyway.
They take me to a deserted farm house in Fresno (Fresno is the place where, if California was to recieve an enema, they would insert the nozzle) and send a ransom note to my parents.
Now my Dad has bad reading habits, so that night he gets into bed with the note, reads half of it, gets drowsy and falls asleep.
Then he lent it out to friends.
Anyway, when my folks realize I've been kidnapped, they snap into immedient action--they rent out my room.
The ransom note tells my father to leave $50,000 in a hollow tree in Fresno. He has no problem raising the $50K but he gets a hernia from carrying the hollow tree.
The FBI discovers where I'm being held and they surround the house.
"Throw the kid out" the FBI yells "give us your guns and come out with your hands up."
The kidnappers yell "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and get to our car."
The FBI says "Throw the kid out, we'll let you get to your car--but give us your guns."
The kidnappers say "We'll throw the kid out, but let us keep our guns and we don't have to get to our car."
The FBI says "aw screw it, keep the kid."
After a brief stand-off the FBI deciedes to lob in tear gas but they don't have any tear gas, so several agents dress up like deer and re-enact the scene in Bambi where Bambi's mother dies.
Tear-stricken my abducters give themselves up and they're sentenced to 20 years hard labor in a chain gang.
But they escape, a few years later, chained together at the ankle, getting by the guards posing as an immense charm bracelet.
Earth Child
