TheOldGuy
Well-Known Member
Okay, you're here. Now, I just saw the movie The Aristocrats. If you haven't seen the movie, here's a fair warning: Do NOT read this post! If you've seen the movie, and didn't like it, here's a fair warning: Do NOT read this post! If you have seen it, and you liked it, read on.
A man walks into a talent agency with his family after being laid off from a big top circus show. He walks straight past the receptionist and to the agent’s door. He knocks on the door three times and waits for a reply. A moment later the agent asks him to come in. He opens the door and a plume of the dankest hotbox smoke rumbles into his face. He walks in and explains to the talent agent his situation and that he has an act he’d like to pitch. The talent agent leans his head back, squirts a few eye drops into his eyes, and lowers his head to see the family standing before him. He takes a deep breath of disappointment and tells the man that he can’t book anymore shows. He just doesn’t have any slots available anywhere. The man insists that if the agents would just watch the performance one time, the agency would love it so much that they’d find a way to show it as many times and on a many stages as they could. The talent agent takes one long look at the family and being a man of soft soul he caves and agrees to see the act.
The show starts off dark as night, and a passage from Genesis is read aloud. The lights come on to reveal the man standing alone as naked as God intended, holding a Bible. The man is quite large in all respects- a perfect specimen. He is tall, has large lean muscles, hands that could crush a brick into dust, and a cock the size of a small dog. He reads another passage from Genesis and places his hand upon his rib. With an audibly loud snap followed by a spray of blood, the man grabs, breaks, and tears out one of his own ribs and holds it high above his head. He reads another passage from the Bible and throws the rib out of view, stage-left.
Just then, his wife walks out from stage left as naked as God intended, holding her husband’s blooding, meaty rib. She walks to the front of the stage and devours the bloody raw meat off the rib right down to the bone and then shoves the bone into her pussy. She rib fucks herself and her husband reads another passage from the Bible.
Two children walk onto the stage, one a girl of 13 years and the other a boy of just 10, both naked as God intended. The children walk forward and the girl starts to suck off her brother’s limp dick until it gets hard. The boy mounts his sister from the front and starts fucking her virgin pussy until he let’s off just a few drops of semen onto her stomach.
The father takes his large hand he just used to rip out his own flesh and bone, balls it into a fist like a sledge hammer, and pounds his son in the face. His son is crying, bleeding, spitting out teeth, and trying to recover his nose which is now pushed into his broken face. The father throws the boy aside, tells him to stop crying. He didn’t raise no sissy. He didn’t raise a boy that didn’t know how to fuck his sister right either.
So the father sticks his pinky into the girls pink pearl maker to loosen her up, but his pinky is already as fat as a roll of quarters, so he immediately tears her open. She screams in pain, but her father takes his horse cock and smacks her in the face with it. He yells at his son to start fucking his mother. The father pulls his foreskin out over the end of his cock and tells the girl to open her mouth. He places just the stretched out foreskin in her mouth and rockets his fist downward into the top of her head, snapping her teeth together, cutting his foreskin off. He makes her swallow his foreskin and then goes back to fucking her pussy.
The mother and her son are fucking, but the mom isn’t getting enough, so she tells her son to take his prick of a dick out of her and use his fist. The boy, only 10 years old mind you, takes his fist and puts it inside his mother’s asshole, but he’s weak so he can’t get it any deeper. The mother reaches behind her, grabs the boy’s arm, yanks it toward her, rips his shoulder out of its socket, and starts using his limp arm like a dildo.
The father slides his cock out of his daughter leaving a gaping hole of blood and flesh where her pussy used to be. He picks his daughter up by her neck and holds her above the mom and son. The daughter does the splits and the father moves the fold of her loose taint to close her open canyon pussy. This opens up her asshole and a coffee colored spill of nutty corn scattered liquid shit falls out into her mothers open moaning throat. The mother gargles the shit, pulls her broken sons body in front of her, and blows the shit soup into his asshole.
The father fucks the son in the asshole, the mother makes out with her blood-covered daughter, the father cums inside his sons ass, the daughter vomits into her mom’s mouth, the mom swallows and regurgitates her daughters bloody vomit, she spits out the vomit into the father’s mouth, who swallows it then slurps out his own cum and his daughter’s shit out of his son’s sore bruised asshole.
The man reads a passage from Revelations, flexes his digestive muscles, squats down on front of his family, holds his breath, grits his teeth, clenches his fist, and jets out a stream of shit, vomits, blood and cum covering his wife, his son, and his daughter in the unholy shit-vomit-blood-cum paint. A dog runs onto the stage, sticks his snout into the mother’s pussy, pulls out the father’s rib, jumps through a hoop, and the whole family says, “Tada!”
The talent agent takes a rip from his bong and says, “That was the most offensive act on the planet. If I weren’t in possession of over a ton of weed backstage, I’d call the cops on all of you. Leave. Just get the fuck out of my sight.”
The family gathers together and heads out the door. The talent agent says, “But before you go… What on earth do you call yourselves?”
The man, the mother, the son, and the daughter look at each other, then at the agent and say, “The Aristocrats!”
A man walks into a talent agency with his family after being laid off from a big top circus show. He walks straight past the receptionist and to the agent’s door. He knocks on the door three times and waits for a reply. A moment later the agent asks him to come in. He opens the door and a plume of the dankest hotbox smoke rumbles into his face. He walks in and explains to the talent agent his situation and that he has an act he’d like to pitch. The talent agent leans his head back, squirts a few eye drops into his eyes, and lowers his head to see the family standing before him. He takes a deep breath of disappointment and tells the man that he can’t book anymore shows. He just doesn’t have any slots available anywhere. The man insists that if the agents would just watch the performance one time, the agency would love it so much that they’d find a way to show it as many times and on a many stages as they could. The talent agent takes one long look at the family and being a man of soft soul he caves and agrees to see the act.
The show starts off dark as night, and a passage from Genesis is read aloud. The lights come on to reveal the man standing alone as naked as God intended, holding a Bible. The man is quite large in all respects- a perfect specimen. He is tall, has large lean muscles, hands that could crush a brick into dust, and a cock the size of a small dog. He reads another passage from Genesis and places his hand upon his rib. With an audibly loud snap followed by a spray of blood, the man grabs, breaks, and tears out one of his own ribs and holds it high above his head. He reads another passage from the Bible and throws the rib out of view, stage-left.
Just then, his wife walks out from stage left as naked as God intended, holding her husband’s blooding, meaty rib. She walks to the front of the stage and devours the bloody raw meat off the rib right down to the bone and then shoves the bone into her pussy. She rib fucks herself and her husband reads another passage from the Bible.
Two children walk onto the stage, one a girl of 13 years and the other a boy of just 10, both naked as God intended. The children walk forward and the girl starts to suck off her brother’s limp dick until it gets hard. The boy mounts his sister from the front and starts fucking her virgin pussy until he let’s off just a few drops of semen onto her stomach.
The father takes his large hand he just used to rip out his own flesh and bone, balls it into a fist like a sledge hammer, and pounds his son in the face. His son is crying, bleeding, spitting out teeth, and trying to recover his nose which is now pushed into his broken face. The father throws the boy aside, tells him to stop crying. He didn’t raise no sissy. He didn’t raise a boy that didn’t know how to fuck his sister right either.
So the father sticks his pinky into the girls pink pearl maker to loosen her up, but his pinky is already as fat as a roll of quarters, so he immediately tears her open. She screams in pain, but her father takes his horse cock and smacks her in the face with it. He yells at his son to start fucking his mother. The father pulls his foreskin out over the end of his cock and tells the girl to open her mouth. He places just the stretched out foreskin in her mouth and rockets his fist downward into the top of her head, snapping her teeth together, cutting his foreskin off. He makes her swallow his foreskin and then goes back to fucking her pussy.
The mother and her son are fucking, but the mom isn’t getting enough, so she tells her son to take his prick of a dick out of her and use his fist. The boy, only 10 years old mind you, takes his fist and puts it inside his mother’s asshole, but he’s weak so he can’t get it any deeper. The mother reaches behind her, grabs the boy’s arm, yanks it toward her, rips his shoulder out of its socket, and starts using his limp arm like a dildo.
The father slides his cock out of his daughter leaving a gaping hole of blood and flesh where her pussy used to be. He picks his daughter up by her neck and holds her above the mom and son. The daughter does the splits and the father moves the fold of her loose taint to close her open canyon pussy. This opens up her asshole and a coffee colored spill of nutty corn scattered liquid shit falls out into her mothers open moaning throat. The mother gargles the shit, pulls her broken sons body in front of her, and blows the shit soup into his asshole.
The father fucks the son in the asshole, the mother makes out with her blood-covered daughter, the father cums inside his sons ass, the daughter vomits into her mom’s mouth, the mom swallows and regurgitates her daughters bloody vomit, she spits out the vomit into the father’s mouth, who swallows it then slurps out his own cum and his daughter’s shit out of his son’s sore bruised asshole.
The man reads a passage from Revelations, flexes his digestive muscles, squats down on front of his family, holds his breath, grits his teeth, clenches his fist, and jets out a stream of shit, vomits, blood and cum covering his wife, his son, and his daughter in the unholy shit-vomit-blood-cum paint. A dog runs onto the stage, sticks his snout into the mother’s pussy, pulls out the father’s rib, jumps through a hoop, and the whole family says, “Tada!”
The talent agent takes a rip from his bong and says, “That was the most offensive act on the planet. If I weren’t in possession of over a ton of weed backstage, I’d call the cops on all of you. Leave. Just get the fuck out of my sight.”
The family gathers together and heads out the door. The talent agent says, “But before you go… What on earth do you call yourselves?”
The man, the mother, the son, and the daughter look at each other, then at the agent and say, “The Aristocrats!”
I loved it, my husband and I were constantly trying to outdo one another with our own version of the aristocrats, so funny!
