Today is my first day of posting to the site in any shape or form. I sit here in front of my computer and ponder what I might like to write--not so much what I want to express, but perhaps what I might like to have others understand about me and why I choose to use marijuana.
I am a user of medical marijuana. I never thought I would come to this path. I feel shame even as I feel better. Still...And it has been three years since I made the decision to try this. I don't want to feel this guilt and this shame over using something that not only makes me feel less pain, but makes me feel better in ways the multiple drug combinations just don't seem to be able to tackle. How can I help to make people understand that? I can't.
I sometimes wonder how I have come to the place that I am now from the place that I was before. Is that strange? Are there others like me? I am not so narcissistic to believe that I am the only one. I just wish I knew more of those like me out there.
I am lucky. I am VERY lucky. I have the love and the support of my family. How truly blessed is THAT?? My mother and my father both know of my struggle to control the pain and to remain functional. I have good days and I have bad days. Don't we all? I am blessed additionally by a partner that looks at what I do to ease my pain and also supports me. He prefers the smiling relaxed and often energized me over the potentially drooling, too sleepy for anything narcotic junkie that is my only other medically sanctioned, insurance covered, socially acceptable option.
I struggled for years with judiciously regulating my pain management so that I might be able to not only function, but also to be productive. AND additionally I fought to not become addicted to the narcotics so readily prescribed to me.
Do you understand how hard that is? Do you understand how much pain I continued to SUFFER because I was too cautious? Too judicious? Until dinner with Madame Marj, I had no idea how much pain I struggled with on a daily basis. Often we do not know until quite suddenly, we feel better--we don't feel the pain. Good gracious!
My first year of substituting Madame Marj for narcotics I cried each time I lit up. I still have a propensity to feel the guilt--the shame. I don't want to feel that way any more.
~NewBee1
I am a user of medical marijuana. I never thought I would come to this path. I feel shame even as I feel better. Still...And it has been three years since I made the decision to try this. I don't want to feel this guilt and this shame over using something that not only makes me feel less pain, but makes me feel better in ways the multiple drug combinations just don't seem to be able to tackle. How can I help to make people understand that? I can't.
I sometimes wonder how I have come to the place that I am now from the place that I was before. Is that strange? Are there others like me? I am not so narcissistic to believe that I am the only one. I just wish I knew more of those like me out there.
I am lucky. I am VERY lucky. I have the love and the support of my family. How truly blessed is THAT?? My mother and my father both know of my struggle to control the pain and to remain functional. I have good days and I have bad days. Don't we all? I am blessed additionally by a partner that looks at what I do to ease my pain and also supports me. He prefers the smiling relaxed and often energized me over the potentially drooling, too sleepy for anything narcotic junkie that is my only other medically sanctioned, insurance covered, socially acceptable option.
I struggled for years with judiciously regulating my pain management so that I might be able to not only function, but also to be productive. AND additionally I fought to not become addicted to the narcotics so readily prescribed to me.
Do you understand how hard that is? Do you understand how much pain I continued to SUFFER because I was too cautious? Too judicious? Until dinner with Madame Marj, I had no idea how much pain I struggled with on a daily basis. Often we do not know until quite suddenly, we feel better--we don't feel the pain. Good gracious!
My first year of substituting Madame Marj for narcotics I cried each time I lit up. I still have a propensity to feel the guilt--the shame. I don't want to feel that way any more.
~NewBee1
