Have you ever woken up and realized that suddenly you are in a position that not only are you not used to, but you have no idea how you got there?
It's happened to me. I woke up today and realized that while I have a lot of online acquaintances, I have no real friends. Not one. Now don't get me wrong! I love all my online friends and it would hurt to lose some of them too but I'm talking about friends I can personally interact with by going places with or hanging out with. Giving a Hug to or shaking hands with. Or even to get or give a pat on the back to.
How did this happen you ask? Well I'm not sure. Ever since my disability happened I haven't been as physically active. I have basically limited my actions to things I can do easily. Not being a drinker or gambler and having a very limited income has made me sort of a home buddy. Until recently I used to be involved in racing. I loved being part of the crew and working on the race car. I spent Thousands of my own dollars and hours of travel to follow the circuit just feel like part of the organization. I stickered up my truck with team logos and decals out of pride.
I thought after 12 years of knowing the driver and 7 years of pitting on his car that I had made a good friend. I liked and got along well with the rest of the crew too. But for some reason, I was wrong. I have no idea why but I have been asked to basically stay away from the race team now. Of course they didn't say..."stay away". It was done in a fashion that bothers me.
I was first told that because of no sponsor that I would have to cover all costs of racing myself if I wanted to be part of the team still. At that same time I was told I would be kept informed and told when the next race was. That was a joke I guess because the team raced in my home town 3 days later and I was never informed one word about them being here. I was informed my brother in law about it 3 days after the race was over. Nice huh?
I was suppose to be in Montana with the race team this weekend too. We as a team had been discussing it for 2 years and everyone was super excited about going. Last week I was informed that the Montana team had been formed and I was not part of that team.
Now you might ask..what did you do to cause all this? I don't know is my answer. It could be that I've just gotten too fat for the driver to want to be around me. It could be that he fears for my safety due to my health. It could be that I was just a extra wheel all along and never truly liked to begin with. It could be a lot of things. Only the team and driver know for sure and I don't feel welcomed enough to even ask why. I'll just get a run around instead.
I'm not a partier. I don't like bars. I'm not a hunter and haven't really fished since I was 16. I have no hobbies nor would I know what hobbies to even try. My disabilities make staying at home easier than anything else so that is what I do.
Then we get to my medical marijuana use. It's not something I advertise and because of it I'm afraid to bring people to my house. Because of my need to medicate once in a while it make hanging out at others houses hard too.
Now I'm sure this is coming off as a woe is me type post and that is not my desire. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me. I guess I just need to vent. I can only vent to my lady so much before she's tired of hearing it.
So my advice to all...heck...I have no good advice. It's obvious by my position...I'm the last person who should be advising anyone of anything. I will say...if you have a good friend who understands you, keep him. I moved away and lost touch with a good friend like that and I will always regret that.
Thanks for letting me tell my story. I feel better getting it out.
It's happened to me. I woke up today and realized that while I have a lot of online acquaintances, I have no real friends. Not one. Now don't get me wrong! I love all my online friends and it would hurt to lose some of them too but I'm talking about friends I can personally interact with by going places with or hanging out with. Giving a Hug to or shaking hands with. Or even to get or give a pat on the back to.
How did this happen you ask? Well I'm not sure. Ever since my disability happened I haven't been as physically active. I have basically limited my actions to things I can do easily. Not being a drinker or gambler and having a very limited income has made me sort of a home buddy. Until recently I used to be involved in racing. I loved being part of the crew and working on the race car. I spent Thousands of my own dollars and hours of travel to follow the circuit just feel like part of the organization. I stickered up my truck with team logos and decals out of pride.
I thought after 12 years of knowing the driver and 7 years of pitting on his car that I had made a good friend. I liked and got along well with the rest of the crew too. But for some reason, I was wrong. I have no idea why but I have been asked to basically stay away from the race team now. Of course they didn't say..."stay away". It was done in a fashion that bothers me.
I was first told that because of no sponsor that I would have to cover all costs of racing myself if I wanted to be part of the team still. At that same time I was told I would be kept informed and told when the next race was. That was a joke I guess because the team raced in my home town 3 days later and I was never informed one word about them being here. I was informed my brother in law about it 3 days after the race was over. Nice huh?
I was suppose to be in Montana with the race team this weekend too. We as a team had been discussing it for 2 years and everyone was super excited about going. Last week I was informed that the Montana team had been formed and I was not part of that team.
Now you might ask..what did you do to cause all this? I don't know is my answer. It could be that I've just gotten too fat for the driver to want to be around me. It could be that he fears for my safety due to my health. It could be that I was just a extra wheel all along and never truly liked to begin with. It could be a lot of things. Only the team and driver know for sure and I don't feel welcomed enough to even ask why. I'll just get a run around instead.
I'm not a partier. I don't like bars. I'm not a hunter and haven't really fished since I was 16. I have no hobbies nor would I know what hobbies to even try. My disabilities make staying at home easier than anything else so that is what I do.
Then we get to my medical marijuana use. It's not something I advertise and because of it I'm afraid to bring people to my house. Because of my need to medicate once in a while it make hanging out at others houses hard too.
Now I'm sure this is coming off as a woe is me type post and that is not my desire. I don't want a bunch of people feeling sorry for me. I guess I just need to vent. I can only vent to my lady so much before she's tired of hearing it.
So my advice to all...heck...I have no good advice. It's obvious by my position...I'm the last person who should be advising anyone of anything. I will say...if you have a good friend who understands you, keep him. I moved away and lost touch with a good friend like that and I will always regret that.
Thanks for letting me tell my story. I feel better getting it out.
